Bittersweet

The phrase goes, "Life has its ups and downs."

Humor me.

Drag your fingertips up the underside of your forearm.

Feel that ticklish sensation

that makes you want to scratch,

that makes your skin crawl just a bit,

that makes you tingle.

It doesn't feel bad, but

it doesn't feel good.

It's one of many feelings that you'll feel

that are in the middle,

that are bittersweet.

A physical manifestation of the

wildness

of the heart.

When the one who loves you

and the one you love

are one and the same,

but the pieces don't fit right,

and the puzzle doesn't come together.

When you imagine that day that's coming,

when you feel in your gut

the anxiety

and the fear

because you're not ready,

but by God is it better than being here.

When he or she lies in that bed,

and you can hear the wheezing

from outside the room,

and it finally goes silent,

and suddenly everything is louder

than that breathing ever was.

If the world could gather all the bittersweets

and melt them in a bowl,

you'd have a king-sized pool

of salty tears and half-smiles.

A lake of guilty pleasure memories,

a pond in which we dip our toes and shudder

because it makes us want to scratch,

makes our skin crawl a bit,

makes us tingle.

Remembering and experiencing are hard,

and we try to push them away

with food and drink and work

because while it doesn't feel bad,

it doesn't feel good either.