Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1:

"Outside! Now!" the officer commanded. This was the first day of the New Order. The moment everything changed.

The officer was big and intimidating. His voice echoed, the gun in his hand giving his words even more meaning. 

He shoved my mother through the front door to the porch. My father came up behind me and whispered for me to do as the officer told me. I could tell my father was afraid, so I did as I was ordered and went outside. 

Our street was filled with people as our neighbors were being herded outside as well. The children were scared�"some of them were crying�"but their parents were determined to show no fear. I could see my best friend, Callie, down the street. She had her head held high, her arms crossed over her chest and her lips set in a sneer. Her blonde hair was blowing in her face, but I knew Callie. I could tell that she was as afraid as she was discontent. 

Callie had known this was coming. We had talked about it for hours on end before. How the government was slowly taking our rights away. How they were controlling everything and watching our every move. Callie had said that it would come to this, but I didn't believe her. I never thought it would go this far.

As soon as everyone was outside, a big guy I recognized as our mayor, Mr. Callahan, started talking through a megaphone. He was standing on the balcony of one of the houses across the street. From here, I could see his bald head and big belly, but that was about it. "There are six buses," the mayor said, pointing down the street to six yellow school buses. "We're going to divide you." There was murmuring through the crowd of people. What did he mean they were dividing us? "Children eleven and under, go with the men in purple." A guy in a purple shirt over a bulletproof vest went to each family and took the younger children. There was a lot of commotion as the parents and children all screamed and fought. A shot went off and all became silent. Mr. Callahan was holding a pistol. "If you resist, you will be shot." All fighting stopped, but emotions were running rampant. "Ages twelve to eighteen will go with the men in yellow." 

For a moment, I had a little relief. I was going to at least be with Callie. Until I remembered that Callie wasn't eighteen anymore, like me. She had turned nineteen last week. There had been a party. The last happy memory I could conjure up right now. 

A man in yellow came over to me and grabbed me by the arm. I started to resist, but remembered the mayor's words. If you resist, you will be shot. I followed in step with the man in yellow. He led me to a bus and put me in a seat in the middle, beside a boy I had had History class with the previous year. I recalled that he was always outspoken, though I couldn't remember his name for the life of me. He was dressed in black like always, his dark hair reaching down to partially cover his eyes. 

"Hey, what's your name?" I was trying to be cheerful. I knew I had to sound stupid. I knew this whole thing�"the fact that we were all being herded like animals, threatened to be killed for resisting�"was very bad, but I had to try to make the best of a bad situation. I had to try to make myself feel better, so I would stay calm. Although, on the inside, I was ready to scream, I had to keep it together. 

"Alex," the guy beside me said. He turned to look at me, a grim expression on his face. "You?"

"Katerina."

"No talking!" the driver yelled. 

I looked out the window on the other side of the bus and saw my mother being led forcefully onto another bus. I wondered where my father was. Was he dead? I realized that I might not ever see either of them again, and that thought tore me in two. I felt tears spring to my eyes. Alex grabbed my hand and shook his head at me, telling me not to cry. His expression seemed urgent, but his eyes were gentle. I nodded slightly to let him know I understood, and gritted my teeth so I wouldn't cry.

The bus ride was a long one. We were told to sit up straight. We were also told to call the one's in charge the 

Authority, while our leader�"the one who ruled us all, including the Authority�"was called Imperium. No one included in the category of the Authority were given actual names. They all simply went by the Authority. They instructed us to stare straight ahead and to not touch anyone else. These were the rules and if we didn't follow them, there would be consequences. 

Finally, we arrived at what looked to be a boot camp. There was a ten foot fence around the whole compound with barbed wire around the top. A sign told me that the fence was electrified. Inside the fence, there were about thirty one-story buildings lined up on one side. On the other side, there were three factories, a big farming area, something called a Mother's Unit and a big open pit. I wasn't sure what the pit was for, or the Mother's Unit, for that matter. Honestly, I wasn't exactly sure what any of it was for. And that scared me.

The bus came to a stop and the Authority stood to direct us on what we were to do. "This is your square. This is where you will live, work and do your part to help with the war. Any opposition will not be tolerated. The fence is electrified, so don't try to climb it. If you resist at any point, there will be consequences. This is your country, too. Therefore, it is your duty as an American citizen to aide in any way that you can. 

"Each of you will be assigned to the person beside you." I looked around and realized that there was a girl and a boy in every seat. "This person will be who you live with, the person you mate with. They will be your partner from here on out. The women will be expected to bear children, while the men will be expected to work the farms and factories. Pregnant women will stay in the Mother's Unit the last month of pregnancy." So, that meant that Alex and I were..supposed to.. "Women who are not yet pregnant will be expected to either stay home and make or fix clothes. You will alternate between this task and working in the nursery. And, of course, you will be expected to tend to any need we ask of you." I didn't like the fact that the Authority said this with a sly grin. 

"You will be provided three meals a day. One at seven in the morning, one at noon and one at seven in the evening. No more, no less. If you have a problem with any of these rules, please let me know now." The Authority stopped and waited.

I started to raise my hand, but Alex stopped me. One kid did raise his hand. He looked to be about fifteen, give or take. I watched as the Authority pulled out a pistol and shot the kid between the eyes. I covered my mouth to hold back my scream. Some of the other kids did scream, but the Authority paid them no mind. 

"Now Sela doesn't have a partner." He pointed his gun at the girl named Sela and shot her, too. I squeezed Alex's hand, the tears returning to my eyes. This was horrible. This was inhumane. This was our life now, I realized.

The Authority filed us off the bus and led us to the middle of the square. Now there were Authority everywhere, dressed in black military uniforms and holding guns. "I'm going to lead you all around the compound. When you see the house with your name and your partner's name on it, go inside. There, you'll find your new clothes, which you will immediately change into. Leave the clothes you are wearing now outside your door; someone will pick them up. 

"At six this evening, we will have a meeting in this spot. You are to be here at six exactly. If you are not, there will be consequences." The Authority started leading us around the square. Slowly, pair by pair, the crowd was getting smaller. 

Alex and I were the last pair to get to our house. The Authority motioned for us to go inside, then left us alone. I looked at Alex, afraid. He took my hand in his, then opened the door. The interior of the house was insipid. The walls were a light beige and the floors were plain concrete. The only windows were on the front side of the house. Probably so we would be visible to the Authority. There was a small bathroom on one end. From here, I could see a shower and a toilet. No mirror. Two towels. There was a bed in one corner and a pile of sewing supplies in another.

"You can cry now, Kat." Alex whispered. I did. I cried and cried. Alex pulled me to him and held me tightly. I wasn't sure why, but I trusted Alex. He had been here for me all day, helping me. I was uncertain as to how Alex knew what was okay and what wasn't, but I was in no place to question it now. Alex had kept me alive. I was grateful.

We changed from our clothes to the outfits the Authority had left us. These clothes were brown�"just pants and a tee�"with the number thirteen on the backs. I didn't know what it meant; it didn't matter. 

Eventually, the digital clock on the wall told us that it was almost six. We slowly started making our way to the middle of the square. People were already crowding there. Everyone was wearing the same exact thing as Alex and I. The Authority told us all to remain quiet and started telling us who would be working where.

When they got to Alex, they paused. "Alex Hemming, the Authority has been watching you for a while now." Alex didn't say anything; probably a good idea. "You're a hacker, is that correct?"

"Yes," Alex answered.

"You will answer to us with Yes, Authority. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Authority," Alex tried again.

"You will come with us; we will have a special job for you. As for the rest of you, you have been assigned your jobs, so go back to your homes. Tomorrow, we start at seven-thirty, sharp. If you are late to work, there will be consequences. Dismiss!"

I watched for a moment as the Authority led Alex toward their three-story building. One of the Authority shoved me toward my house. "Go!" I trusted that Alex could handle himself, but I couldn't help worrying about him. What if he didn't come back? I would probably die, too. I found myself wishing that it would be that easy. If Alex were a hacker, then the Authority probably had an important job for him. They wouldn't want to off him that quickly.

I went home and sat up in bed, my arms around my knees, waiting for Alex to come back.

Reviews

[Marcel Darrow]

Okay, where to start... First off, I really do like your story and its concept. In fact, I'm going to add it to my library as soon as I finish this review. I enjoy reading stories that have a dystopian society or a unique government, so your story immediately captured my interest.
However, while your story is good, perfectly fine actually, there are some things that can be improved. That is to say, in my opinion, the story could use some tweaking (additions mostly), which is still a terrible term. I'll just get to my list and maybe you'll understand what I'm trying to say.
1) Showing verses Telling. You are doing a lot of telling in this first chapter, which is okay because it is the first chapter; you need to tell the reader about the world you're writing about. Not everything should be 'told' though, the first chapter sets up the tone of the story and if you set up your story to have more telling than showing, it will make the reader less likely to continue reading. You also have the advantage of first person point of view (although in your second or third chapter you switch your perspective POV temporarily, I'll talk about that in another review perhaps); when speaking in first person you get to do a lot of narration. First person does not excuse telling- showing is always better than telling; first person gives you the opportunity to describe or explain something (via telling) that showing cannot adequately describe or explain. To give you an example of when you tell when you can show, "For a moment, I had a little relief" instead of saying she is relieved you could say that "I let out a sigh of relief." Showing is action; action is better. Action is more interesting. Showing is also dialogue; a lot of things you can say when telling you can say in dialogue.
2) Details. I feel like there can be so much more to the story. We know very little in this first chapter, and I have to say again maybe that's the point, having an air of mystery to draw the reader in, but there are some things you can divulge in this first chapter. Like how does this government work, how did it come about, why did Callie predict that this was going to happen? There are even smaller things that you can add onto (which is why I said earlier "additions") like Katerina's appearance.*
3) Breaking. This is one of my critiques that is based on styling. Where you break up your paragraphs and chapters is not ideal (per se). I feel like there should be a space or break in between the bus to camp scene and maybe even when they first are ordered out of their houses and put on buses (though those two scenes blend together well). With that said, if you don't want to break up your chapter, you could try to connect the scenes together. The sudden change from bus to outside can be disarming for a reader; made me want to read the two paragraphs between the scene shift and wonder if I missed something.
4) Alex and Katerina's relationship. You state that Katerina hardly knows Alex, they had a class together, yet by the end of the chapter you have Katerina crying on Alex and wating for him to come back. It feels sudden. I would like to see more character development or interaction between them, so as to justify the intimacy of their relationship. Maybe you could try something like a flashback like how you mention Callie's birthday party (and in a later chapter Katerina thinks more about it).
That's mostly it and I have one source you could use if you ever have any doubts or questions. Her name is Ellen Brock; she is a free lance editor. She has a website and a youtube channel to help aspiring writers.

[Shawna]

First off, thank you for your review. The thing about this (and most of my stories on this site) is that I wrote is over a year ago, way before I even posted it online. I haven't updated it in a long time either. I'm happy to say that I agree with everything you said and that my writing has improved drastically since I first wrote this. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with this story, as I am working on something else now, but I do appreciate your review.