Lord help us all

A warning towards humanity to not be blind. It describes how everyone one ignores the the signs and clues and becomes consumed by laziness and sin. Please read! :-D

 

 

 

 

The clock strikes twelve and the lightning strikes

The people run in frenzy

Fearing the end of their lives

The storms swarm humanity

 

Soulless

Not intact

 

This mass hysteria

Is a mess

Of malcontent

 

The furies ravage the souls of the worthy

Takes away their spears and hopes

The dreams are cut by sharpened silver

 

And they fall

Down, down, down

And you think for sure

The heroes survive

 

And you think they'll come back alive

Even as they're speared on a knife

 

Reality isn't that fair

Even myths know it's true

 

The world can turn blank white and black

Or even royal blue

 

The Hugh isn't the error

The problem lies inside

 

The falsities belie the everyday faces

They lay in everyone

And even in you I know

There are traces

 

You can't escape the trap

It has shut "Snap!"

On us all

 

And one day I hope

You'll see the shapes

Not just lights of black, white

Or maybe royal blue

 

God bless the readers

Hope and pray that

The Lord may save you

Reviews

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

Good observation and voice of what is to come. For too many the clock will have struck its hour and caught them unprepared. Good stuff.

A small critique to bring hope at the end. I would have written the last line as: May the Lord find you saved." Salvation has already come. It would be a matter of acceptance of it.

Cheers,
Doc.
/CWG Moderator.

[pasdepoisson]

I love the imagery- didn't scream "voyeuristic" for me, but awesome otherwise!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I knw lol but I kinda thought the ending fit you know cuz then e readers realize their being addressed directly. Maybe I read to deep into it. Ut that was my reasoning.

[Coyote Poetry]

"God bless the readers
Hope and pray that
The Lord may save you"
Need hope and faith to survive in our world. You took me on a wild ride to real understanding. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Winslow Des Totes]

I feel there is a great depth to this piece one that even though I try to reveal, may never fully come to fruition within me, as though every word has a particular meaning that totaled becomes one epic piece on civil submission and idealist retroactive complacency. XD Great job!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx! :-D

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Lord help us all
(Review for Change the World Competition) Very good craft but I believe the attention that has obviously been paid to construction has hindered emotional content. What I like about this though is that there is a vast array of thoughts produced by your words. I had to read this three times. You have a talent that’s for sure.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

awww thanx H.W. I wont pretend to know what you mean by construction though lol. honestly this was one of my relief poems you know get upset write something and look back on what you wrote :-D

[Caradoc]

A very intriguing poem you have here. The doom and gloom on a global scale is not something I am used to seeing in poetry. Or maybe I've just been looking in the wrong places.

The message of this poem is something I agree should be heeded. Among my favorite parts was the stanza about heroes, as others have said. It is my belief that the heroes, kin to those of old, are all dead and gone. Humanity is but a shadow of its former self, a pale reflection of what it could have, should have been. My other favorite part dealt with the lies that exist within each of us, the sins of all our race, reflected in the hearts and souls of each person, even if only a little.

Very interesting indeed.

Thank you for sharing.

One typo I caught, however. In stanza 6, line two, "their" should be "they're".

EDIT: You also get props for the picture from Diablo 3.

-Caradoc

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

hahahaha thanx so much Caradoc! I like original poems. Honestly when I wrote this I was quite upset and this is what came of it. I'll be sure to fix that type-o in a jiff. :-) I'm really glad you enjoyed it and hopefully those that read will learn something from it!

[SmileBig :)]

Fantastic. Very good poem :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Glad you liked it TLN

[Q]

Wow, just wow. Now that was a poem with impact! I especially loved the part about heroes falling and how we may want to believe that they'll return but reality isn't that kind. That is so true. Sad, but true. We have to wake up! It really takes guts to point out the traces of this same flaw in the reader as well, and to call them to action despite the trap they cannot escape. Excellent job!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

If theres one thing I have when I write its guts and initiative. ppl often comment that I touch on touchy/taboo matters but if a writer can't tackle the issues a don't think anyone can or will. i'm glad you enjoyed it and understood it so well not many can say the same.

[Q]

That's so true! I've long believed it's a writer's job to shed light on things which other people may shy away from discussing. Expressing truth and questioning the status quo are better done in poetry and fiction than straight up conversation anyway. Way to go!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx so much your reviews are always a pleasure to read :-)

[Mariah Corey]

wowza, i love the feelig that you express as well as the... Well it seems i have run out of words to desccribe this. All i can say is that i love when you said " The furies ravage the souls of the worthy

Take away their spears and hopes

The dreams are cut by sharpened silver



And they fall

Down, down, down

And you think for sure

The heroes survive

And you think they'll come back alive



Even as their speared on a knife

Reality isn't that fair

Even myths know it's true" this was the part that truly hit me, its so very true. Your gift in writing is amazing and unique. Well done. :D

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx so much it wasnt very hard though I wrote it in like 2 minutes. This was one of my vent poems which is probally why it came out a little more unique than even most of my others.

[Mariah Corey]

wow 2 minutes nice. Yeah it was a bit different but that just made it better. :D

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it so much! :-)

[Mariah Corey]

np, i am glad u shared it. :D

[LuciaMarie]

very good with your imagery! You clearly painted this in my mind, I have to say this piece is quite lovely.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx so much!