For Once, a School Dance is Exciting

"C'mon Beka!"

"No."

"It'll be fun!"

"No."

"There will be people there!"

"Precisely."

"Don't be such a wet rag!"

I sighed and closed my book with a snap, making Julianna Kiram and Emily Baget, my best friends, Jump in surprise.

"Look, both of you can just cut it out, right now. I. DON'T. DANCE."

"But you have to come!" Emily cried.

"No."

"But--"

"NO! How many times do I have to tell you? I'm NOT GOING!"

They both looked at each other, worried.

"What are you going to tell Joseph?" Julianna asked me, smiling slyly.

"Joseph?" I asked, confused. "Joseph who?"

"Joseph DeVera." Emily replied, a slightly dreamy quality to her voice.

"What does he have to do with anything?" I asked, confusion multiplying by three.

"He likes you, and we told him that we would get you to go to the dance with him." Julianna blurted.

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips. One of them made a noise that sounded like the beginnings of an explanation, but I held up a hand to cut her off. I needed just a moment to take this in.

He likes me, and they said that they would g--

"Wait, you WHAT!?" I yelled at them. They both looked at the table guiltily

"Oh no. No No No No No. you two are going straight back and telling him that I am NOT GOING!"

"But Rebeka--" Emily started.

"NO BUTS. I'm staying home." I glared at both of them. Julianna glared back, fire in her eyes.

"Rebeka Kalicasto, you are going to that dance with Joseph DeVera if I have to tie you up and force you there AT GUNPOINT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

"No."

It was the wrong thing to say.

Which was why, four hours later, I was wearing a dress and glaring at Emily and Julianna across the gym.

Mental note; I should choose my friends more carefully.

"Er... Would you like to dance?" Joseph asked shyly.

"Um... Okay. I guess."

Shaking, I placed my left hand on his shoulder and my right in his outstretched hand. We swayed awkwardly back and forth until the song ended. We both dropped our arms to our sides, quickly.

"That was... Fun." I said, trying to smile.

"Well, not really." Joseph said, actually smiling. "Let's go get some refreshments."

I smiled for real this time too, and we both relaxed. Julianna passed close by and whispered "I told you so!"

"Shut up." I whispered back, but I was still smiling. she was right, this wasn't so bad. 

The refreshment table on the edge of the crowd was covered in bowls of ice cream toppings. People were lining up for scoops of the sweet treat and covering them in nuts and M&M's.

Joseph and I stepped into line and got out ice cream. He chose caramel and chocolate syrup topped with whipped cream. I went for fresh strawberries and blueberries. We sat down next to some of his friends and their dates.

After a few minutes of listening to our table's conversation, I excused myself to get a drink.

A very strange girl stood by the punch bowl. She had pale blonde hair and big grey eyes. But weirdest of all, she was wearing a bright blue blouse covered in green spots, and a red, yellow and purple plaid skirt. She was getting some weird looks from passersby, but didn't seem to notice. In fact, she seemed really distracted.

"Are you from here?" I asked her. She jumped.

"Oh! You scared me! No, I'm not from here. Not at all." She said, still preoccupied with scanning the faces of the crowd.

"Are you looking for someone?" I prompted.

She turned and looked at me curiously. "Yes, yes I am. And I have to find her fast or else I'll have to leave without her."

"Well, who is she? Maybe I can help you find her."

"Okay, her name is Rebeka Kalicasto. Do you know her?"

I gasped, and a shiver went down my spine.

"You do know her?! Do you know where she is?!" She said, suddenly excited.

"W-Well yes! Of course I know her! My name is Rebeka Kalicasto!"

The girl started, then stared at me in shock. "well what are we waiting for?! We've got to go!"

She grabbed my wrist and had pulled me out into the hallway before my brain had processed that thought. I dug in my heels and wrenched my hand away.

"Wait! Who are you? what's going on?" 

"I'm Siri. And... Wait," she stopped and looked at me incredulously.   "What do you mean 'What's going on?' You should already know what is going on!" She looked puzzled. "The letter must not have gotten through. Drat it all! Now I have to explain everything..."

"Look, I think you've got the wrong per--" I managed to say before she had hold of my wrist again and was hauling me away.

She burst through the double doors at the end of the hall and into the frosty night air, not slowing down until we reached an unremarkable stretch of brick wall. She let go of my hand and began knocking on bricks, muttering to herself.

I began to back away slowly, hoping to get away from her and back to the dance.

"Ah-HA!" she said, tapping a certain brick. It sounded different from the other ones, as if it were hollow.

"Here goes!" she grunted, pushing on it hard.

There was a grinding sound as it went into the wall. The ground shuddered violently, throwing my feet out from under me.

"Brace yourself!" Siri yelled, giving a wild whoop of excitement, and I was falling into darkness.

Reviews

[emma]

wow. this was really well written! I really enjoyed the banter between Beka and Julianna. It made me think of me and my friends :)

and thats another reason why i liked this. I could relate to it quite well. (except for the whole "falling into darkness" bit.

well done and excited to read more :)

[Lou Briggs]

I love the straight dialogue at the beginning. Excellent!

Before you post your stories, I advise you type them up in Microsoft Word (with spell check on), because your lack of capitalization towards the end of this chapter really destracted me. Also, you're taking a lot of liberty's with formatting here - normally, you don't see words in caps lock. People don't generally go farther than italicizing words of importance. And quite honestly, with your punctuation and character's tone, you don't need the capitals.

Why is Beka so shocked when the girl asks for her? I understand what you mean, but it doesn't make sense. Unless the strange girl says something like "I need her for top secret, highly illegal
drug cartel," Beka doesn't have a reason to react that way yet.

Except for the un-capitalized words, your writing is very good. If I had any recommendations for you, I would say to lengthen this first chapter a bit. I'm a huge fan of action that picks up within the first few pages, but I don't know whether to feel relieved that Beka is being taken away, or scared for her. Does she long for adventure? Is she a b***h? Is she just antisocial, or shy? Does she live in the suburbs with her mother and step-father, or in an artist's loft in Greenwich City with her cool, writer father? You don't need a lot, but a little bit, told in a creative way, can speak volumes about your character.

I hope that helps! Good luck!

-Lou

[TheMizFit]

This looks very interesting! :)