make me a deal

who i am, way down here

must seem petty from up there

who am i, why'd he go

someone somewhere surely knows

in that land can i be free,

or will i still face mysteries?

all my demons whisper "yes"

but still, i am forced to guess

where i will go when it's time to part

from those who have me in their hearts

o life, we have been conflicted

and you feelings for me seem contradicted

what is this plan you have for me?

is there something here i cannot see?

for my pain is your glory; i despair

that  life is not the thrilling dare

which i thought it was supposed to be

so listen now, of this i plea

Life, give me life

or a silver knife

with which i can end my tears

and erase my lifeless, teenage years

i am saddened by your gifts

the way my being slowly drifts

through the empty time and space

i am pointless in this race

please give me something to live for

or no longer shall i wait at your door

i am living, and yet still dead

the thought of more is more to dread

grace me with me some impact

a reason for others to react

when my name is heard or spoken

let it lift up all of the broken

give me a gift to withstand the reach

of the omnipresent leech 

who counts down the end of the day

to which people have never been able to stay

to hear the end of his ticking song

which we must hear all day long

or i will have to raise a white flag

to say i no longer want to drag

the burden into which i was born

this pointlessness of which i mourn 

Reviews

[Rachel]

couplet structure provides a rhythym that is sometimes broken by the words, but nevertheless overall effective, sometimes it seems like the rhyme is forced and stop the flow as well, and in some places it seems that the content is rambling or off topic. i would resee your structure and flow but the topic and content is overall well placed =D overall a very deep fulfilling write well done

[Hello, Goodbye]

great flow of musing narrative..

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

This is really good. I like this I can relate well to it

[MandaBear]

Good job!

[akapr17other]

Mmmm I love how this sounds. Couplets are perfect for a poem like this, it's a great way to express the main idea but you probably already knew that :) One thing, if you want to erase your teenage years does that mean you want to erase me, too? Not nice ;)

[Moflo]

I like the couplet structure of this poem, I think they help bring out the emotions nicely! Good job!