Princess and her dream

A princess dreams about the guy she adores not knowing why she's dreaming of him

A princess dreams about the guy she adores not knowing why. She's seen him before in a show he's really popular all over the world. When she dreams she's really happy, they look so close nearly in love, he smiles hugely at her while she gives him the same look, they have fun like little kids. He shows her a good time having freedom no problem at all, they seem to have chemistry like they've met before, see loves him more than anything and loves him like the world, she doesn't know why she's dreaming if him all the time. They seem really close nearly in love. He shows her freedom and so much happiness that nothing in the world can break them apart. She loves him more than anything she feels like they've met before, the way he is with her is best friends and really close, they fool around and laugh having no worry, she dreams of him at night not knowing why , she's looking for answers on why she's dreaming of him.. She wants help knowing why she's having these dreams.

Reviews

[Danielle]

I got your request to review this, so here goes. This reads more like a quick synopsis of a work in progress. You need to provide "scenes" that show, rather than tell, the emotions and general view of these characters. There are a few repeated lines which tend to take away from the piece instead of adding to it. Especially in poetry it is more important sometimes to let it be real but also give it depth, meaning, some kind of symbolism that evokes the emotion it's showing. I hope you edit and revise this since the subject is very sweet and endearing. Hope this review is what you were looking for as this piece has been thoroughly reviewed and I don't believe I'm adding anything new. As always, return the favor :) Keep writing!

[flyfly5]

I agree with Danielle. The idea is there and strong, but try and get into the details. What scene takes place that makes him smile, is it a joke she tells or a sunset...? This poem would grow with more specific imagery. Good start though, keep it up

[Heather]

I think that if you made this a little longer or into a story, it would be beautiful but for right now this is a really nice piece to read :) I really enjoyed it. It gave me a sense of the feelings within that moment of the girl. Pls review my pieces to :)

[juliasmith]

lovely my head is in the same place wish it would stop

[Brian Angeles]

Not bad for a first writing. Keep up the good work and I'll keep on reviewing :)

[A.R Galltier]

Good start! You might consider breaking it up a bit and showing more than telling but good job!

[Lyn Anderson]

I agree with KL Mazon - It would read better as a poem in stanza format. A few grammatical errors that can either be eliminated through turning it into stanza format, or if you prefer this format, should be corrected for easier reading. The general idea is good and understandable.

[Catlen]

I think you have a nice little story here, but it needs some editing. Nice try!

[Elena]

Well it is my first time writing this and I will get better so it's just the first time I've wrote this, just saying what the princess is dreaming

[KLMazon]

Personally, I think this may be better in traditional stanza format as oppose to prose/ essay. Otherwise, you may want to go over some of the grammar if you prefer to keep this format. I'd chop up some of the sentences into halves, (eg. the second sentence, for one). I'd probably also focus more on her feelings as a stream of consciousness. Such as instead of "They seem really close nearly in love" perhaps "He holds her close, close enough that she feels the heat of love with his cheek pressed against hers. Did I help any?