went for a walk

went for a walk

A Story by LynLee
"

May, her boyfriend Jake go to an old abandoned barn but when Jake is murdered May tries to escape the killers using things Jake had told her about she tries to escape the killers before they get her.

"

I was running until I couldn't see him anymore. My name is May and I am scared. It was April 3,2008. My boyfriend and I decided to go for a walk. We had a lot of parks in our town, but he wanted to go another way. There was an abandoned cornfield a couple miles away. They said a crazy man lived there, but we didn't believe in that. We started walking towards it, when I got a strange feeling,"I don't think we should do this. It's getting late and it's getting dark really fast."  

"Don't back out now. Were almost there." I followed him. There were a lot of signs that said,"Keep out! and No trespassing!" We just ignored them and kept walking. We saw the corn, but we went to the torn down barn beside it. It had dark vines all over it and I even saw some rats. They had the reddest eyes I'd ever seen. It looked like a big green monster. The door was padlocked, but so old that when we poked it with a stick it just fell. We walked inside. It made me get a creepy feeling. That feeling was so strong that no matter how much warmer I got, my goosebumps wouldn't go away. That was when it happened. He saw an old tractor. He scanned over it then climbed up on it. "You shouldn't do that" I said, " It could be dangerous."

" Ohh, don't worry, it's just fine."

I looked around when I saw a pair of huge pliars. I picked them up and just stared at them. All of a sudden the little light, that was my only light, went off. I dropped the pliars, jumping back I looked for them, but couldn't. " Jake,Jake this isn't funny. Come on I'm scared. Please turn the light on or something." The light suddenly came back on. I heard noise by the tractor. I walked to it and fell to the ground crying when I saw him. He was in between the tractor and the wheel. He was flat. His head was smashed. I know he didn't do this himself. I walked over to him saying,"How, how" I was barely talking over all my tears. I saw a shadow coming up behind me and I ran. I didn't turn back I just ran. I stopped when I came between the barn and the cornfield. I didn't know which way to go. I turned around right when he grabbed me. I punched and kicked, but he wouldn't let go. He took me inside the shed that held most tools for the farm, but it was empty. He threw me in. When I felt the ground I looked up. He had a mask on, in his arm were another pair of pliars. They were covered in blood. "Who are you?" I said. "WHO ARE YOU?" then yelling. All he did was stare then turn around and close the door. I could hear him lock the door on the other side. It was pitch black only for a few cracks with moonlight coming through, as my only light. I went to the corner with the most light and put my face in my hands and just cried. That's when I remembered, cell phone. I took it out of my pocket. No bars. I got so mad I threw it at the wall. It fell right through. I looked at the extra light coming in. I looked out and didnt see anything. The floor of the shed was all rocks. so I scanned through for the biggest ones and kept throwing them at the wall. I saw his shadow, so I went to the corner hiding the rocks behind me. He stared at the hole in the side. Then he threw in Jake's head. I put my hand over my mouth. I just stared at it. The man outside just walked away. I just sat there. Jake was one of the toughest guys at school, which means that the man must be strong too. I figured I wouldn't have a chance if I got out and he caught me. I thought of a memory about Jake and I. It was at school, we had gym together. I was up to bat for a game of softball. I had the bat in hand, but I knew I couldn't hit the ball , I never could. Jake was on the other side of the fence, I could hear him say," Don't give up! You can do it May!! Don't doubt yourself!" I got my first homerun that day. I knew Jake wouldn't want me to give up, so I took the rocks and threw them as hard as I could against the wall. A clear hole was there. It was just big enough for me to get through. I waited ten minutes to see if the man came. I didn't see him at all. I blew a kiss to Jake's head," I love you." I climbed through the hole. Head first. My shoelace had got caught and I could hear him coming. I stared tugging harder and harder when my whole shoe just came off it went inside the shed. I just left thinking that there wasn't any time for me to get it. I ran right to the barn. I thought maybe the tractor works, but he was already there. How could he do that? I thought for a second, then thought the cornfield. The cornfield leads to the road. I ran straight for it. I ran until I couldn't see him anymore. I stopped, out of breath. I could hear movement in the field. I crouched down. as low as I possibly could, but just enough that I can get up and run. I heard him. Then another. I wondered How many are there? I got down lower, making sure they can't see me. I heard something else. It sounded smaller than the men. It was moving the corn. When I looked up, one of them was holding a squirrel. It was alive, but the next thing I saw was horrific. The man took the squirrel by it's bushy gray tail and it's slender neck and bent it in half. The sound sent shivers up my spine and made the hairs on my neck stand up. All he did was drop it and walk away. I kept crawling when I could hear the road. What a releif I thought, but I didn't care to listen to what's behind me because the next thing I feel is a cold soggy hand on my leg lifting me and dragging me. "No one will hear you scream." the man said. That voice made me stop and listen to it over and over. Trying to think, I know that voice. I've heard it before. He threw me back into the shed. This time they boarded it up. It was as black as coal and felt as if it was snowing and I was wearing a bikini. I saw my cellphone and wandered if it still worked. I scanned the floor for it and finally found it. It was badly broken, but it still turned on. Some buttons just didn't work as well. I turned the light as bright as I could. I saw they had put a blanket and a badly stitched pillow in the shed. I turned around and saw Jake's head with a rat chewing at his gum's. I could feel my dinner coming back. I turned around quickly. I could hear the rat scamper away. Must have scared it. I went over to the pillow and blanket. "They must think I'm staying over night" i whispered to myself. I tried to think of a way to get out and get out of there reach. I didn't know much, but I do know there not afraid to kill. I was able to start a small fire by sparking two wires together. I can remember Jake and I going on a camping trip. We didn't have a lighter, but he always kept an old cellphone with the wires nicely tucked inside as well as he could and showed me how to make the fire. I kept my ears open and listened my best to hear the men. That's when I thought of the voice. Who was that? I've heard that voice somewhere. Just where? That's when I thought, 'If they havn't killed me already, then maybe they will help me in a panic?' I took my jacket and put it next to the fire. It caught lit. I put the other side next to the fire and it caught lit. It went onto the whole jacket then I threw it up to the wall. It caught fire in a blaze of red and orange. I ran over to the door and pounded on it and yelled,"HELP! HELP!." Nobody came. "HELP!!!!!HELP!!!!" I cried again. I could hear someone on the other side. It sounded like a crow bar trying to unlock the door. When it opened, I saw one of the men. He pulled me out by my hair and threw me on the ground. All he did was stare at the shed. I got up. my knee and elbow gushing out my blood and felt as if my arm was broken. Another one of the men came out and grabbed me. He held me down. I tried to get  the crow bar but he held me to tight. I could hear something in the distance. Then I saw lights. Red and blue lights coming right beside the cornfield. The man at the shed looked at the road and then at me and all he did was walk away. He disappeared behind the barn. The man behind me didn't let go until the cops made there way through the cornfield.When he let go I dodged for the crow bar. He hadn't gotten far. I snuck around the barn and met him on the other side. When he tried to run, I threw a rock the size of a softball, with my good arm, at his leg. It hit him so bad, he fell to the ground with blood on his leg. He didn't stop. He got back up and tried to run, he was out of luck. I struck him with the crow bar on the head as much as I could. After he fell with blood streaming out of his head, I just stood there. A cop came behind me and said, "Put the weapon down!" I dropped the crow bar instantly and fell to the ground on my knees. Two firefighters came up behind me and picked me up and took me to an ambulance. One of the doctors stitched me up. They put a blanket over me. An officer came over and said, "Hello, my name is Officer Blat. Can I ask you some questions?" I nodded with more tears coming down my face. "Are you May Farewell?" I nodded again. "Okay good. Your mother called in you and your boyfriend Jake Falls missing." I put my head down and more tears started streaming down my face. " I'm sorry if that upset you. We searched the barn and found him. Can I ask you one more question?" I nodded, gaining back my courage. "I just want to let you know that the man you struck, was his father, and we know that there was someone else. Do you know who that was?" I looked at him and said, "No. all I know is that they wouldn't kill me." After that night I never slept again. They never caught the other man, but I feel him out there just watching me and waiting for any moment to get me. 

© 2010 LynLee


Author's Note

LynLee
have not finished, not everything is correct like the sentence may not start with a capitol letter, thanks!

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Reviews

Dang, talk about freaky. Great write. It reminds me of a scary movie. (:

Posted 13 Years Ago


reminds me of a time when I was with my exgf and we were stalked by her psychotic ex-bf ........ugh.......that time really suck......good story here but seperate this into paragraphs instead of big block :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


you have a good idea here and it could be a suspensful piece with a good edit , paragraphing maybe some added descriptions to make it flow together better (describe smells, sight, what the mc hears, feels etc) also I noticed some gramarical errors, such as "I tried to think of a way to get out and get out of there reach." 'there' should be 'their' and "I didn't know much, but I do know there not afraid to kill" 'there should by 'they're' this sentence just doesn't sound quite right, maybe different wording? "It hit him so bad, he fell to the ground with blood on his leg."
instead of 'it hit him so bad' you could say "it hit him so hard..." or something along those lines. great job though, it has the potential to be a spooky "I know what you did last summer" type of story. keep it up! 'And thanks for entering my contest, good luck :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


not bad not bad at all ;)

Posted 14 Years Ago


Interesting ideas!

Posted 14 Years Ago


i agree with the others--you have lots of potential! just make it a little less like a chain of events and you will be well on your way to a good beginning!

Posted 14 Years Ago


hmm i agree with ZeN the structure could use some work. also i see some grammer, but dont worry im not to good at grammer my self. One other thing is that the story seems more like a list of events, maby if you put in some discriptive words and revises some of your wording it might seem diffrent^^

Posted 14 Years Ago


Interesting start.. Hopefully you look at the structure and try to fix the way its displayed.. but you got good stuff going..

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on December 14, 2009
Last Updated on February 1, 2010
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LynLee
LynLee

Where I am free, VA



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Hola, me llamo LynLee. De donde es Earth. Me cumpleanos es Noviembre 24. Me gusta es escribir. Sorry had to practice my spanish somewhere. I'm LynLee. I'm fourteen and I am a writer. My best frien.. more..

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