Bleak Desire

Bleak Desire

A Poem by r

written for the poetry and lyrical challenge group

You hurt me
I hurt you,
That was something
I had to do

My bleak burning desire
to kill you,
is eventually something I'm
going to succumb to.

You tortured me
you teased me,
you used me
and abused me.

You set me up
to fail this time,
but let me tell you
vengence is mine.

I feel this need
to end your life,
because you almost
ended mine

You ripped out my heart,
stomped on my soul,
"Thing's will get better"!,
were the lies i was told

Low and behold
it got worse,
luckily i wasn't the one
in that hearse.

It was you
i wish you well,
may you burn and rot
in HELL!


© 2010 r

Author's Note


My Review

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the poem is really really outstanding
but I feel that the poem shows more cursing and less the emotions of a heart break
the words like "kill" and curses like" may you burn and rot in hell" makes the poem scary and raging.......... huh?
It's good to curse someone in the poem to a little extent but not to such limits that the terror take over the emotions in the poem
Anyways the poem is really well written.... and pls don't mind the above criticism
thank you
keep writing!

Posted 12 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Wow, very dark and full of emotion. Good one.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Well, this is honestly heartfelt love :) Well written too!
Sometimes it just has to be said as it is! I feel! Great poem hon! Cathartic, I hope!

Posted 12 Years Ago

Smiles I really liked that one Volleyball Girl.

Posted 12 Years Ago

I think i commented o this once before, but I can't remember...anyway, great poem on vengence! it's a little harsh don't u think? :P

Posted 12 Years Ago

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. oh no! ... what a consuming rage from the waves of oceans of slight and humiliation ... i would ... however ... recommend ... mockery as opposed to death as treatment ... i guess those are my limits ... very intense poem ...

Posted 12 Years Ago

This prominently tastes of Seether - 'you set me up to fail this time'.. uhm and, Disturbed... Dark! But it's cool. I like, nice :P

Posted 12 Years Ago

nice piece structurely. good pace, good phrasing. don't care for the subject matter though. too dark for my tastes

Posted 12 Years Ago

Probably the darkest poem I have ever read on here but strangely my new favorite.
It made me laugh towards the end at how brutal it was.
Almost like rooting for a bad guy in a movie, tv show, or book.
Great writing

Posted 12 Years Ago

awww so much of pain and resentment...just let them not forgiving the one who has abused us or hurt us we are allowing the person to have control on us even though that person is not there with us girl let go and unburden yourself of your free...

Posted 12 Years Ago

Interesting write. The anger and spite is felt. Though, I am a stickler for timing and rhythm, this poem races on by... maybe a little too quickly. Maybe longer sentences will enhance and slow down the pace. Overall, one of my faves thus far. I think you've sparked an idea for me on this subject matter.


Posted 12 Years Ago

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69 Reviews
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on March 26, 2010
Last Updated on May 16, 2010




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