TO THE MEMORIES

TAKE ME BACK TO THE MEMORIES,

TOWARDS THE BEACH WHICH WE LEFT BEHIND,

LEAVING OUR FOOTPRINTS ON EACH OTHER’S TO WALK IN STRAIGHT LINE.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO YOUR LETTERS,

THAT I READ THOUSAND OF TIMES,

ONLY TO HATE YOU MORE AS I MISS YOU ALL THIS TIME,

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THOSE MORNINGS,

WHERE I HUGGED YOU ALL NIGHT,

ONLY TO WOKE UP DREAMING ABOUT JUST YOU AND I.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THOSE WALKS DOWN THE ROAD,

WHERE YOU HELD MY HAND,

PROMISED ME TO NEVER LET YOU GO.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT DANCE FLOOR,

WHERE YOU MOVED ME WITH YOUR FLOW,

AND DANCED TO OUR SONG, ”LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO.”

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT FIRST BREATH,

THAT WE TOOK TOGETHER WHEN WE FIRST MET,

ONLY TO REALIZE IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT FIRST KISS,

WHEN I FELT YOU CLOSER TO ME,

AND YOU TOLD ME HOW MUCH YOU NEED ME.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT NIGHT,

WHEN EVERYTHING ENDED BETWEEN US,

WHEN YOU DIDN’T SAY A WORD AND I COULDN’T STOP CRYING.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT LAST HUG,

THE ONE YOU DIDN’T FEEL YET I FELT YOU,

WHERE YOU SAID GOODBYE, I ONLY SAID THANK YOU.

 

TAKE ME BACK TO THOSE MEMORIES,

TO BECOME THE LOVERS WE WERE ONCE IN LOST TIME.

 

RAJ 08/04/2019

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your poem is convincing, as I can feel the longing as if it's torture for this narrator. You poured much feeling into these words. My only drawback -- some of the memories are vanilla . . . not enuf detail to stand out as memorable. Your love story sounds like every other love story. Sometimes just changing a word or two can make all the difference. Ex: "walks down the road" -- what road? what did it look like? smell like? what was the feeling as you walked? What makes this memory memorable? It's too general the way you wrote it, so add a few more details. Ex: "where you held my hand" -- how did she do it? Did she grab your hand? Tickle your hand? Were her fingers wet with sweat from being nervous? Show me what this hand-holding looks like, feels like, sounds like. . . use all the senses. You have written a powerful set of memories, but you could do more to make the details POP! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[raj24]

Hi, just realized yes I could have done a lot with it, more details certainly would have it a lot more depth, and a lot more things to connect with for a reader. In recent times I have changed my way of writing, I try to keep them short n it certainly leads to many parts remain untold. These days I have started painting, n while doing that I realized how important it is to give depth to the characters. Your review is a gentle reminder to me, I will keep that in mind while writing next time. Wanted to show you some of my sketch works, but here uploading images is not possible. Will send you read request for my old work, maybe you can guide me further to improve. 😊 It's always great to hear from you.
Raj

[barleygirl]

If you want to send your art to me, maybe you could try email: [email protected]

I'll be happy to read things you RR me on.

[kitty]

yes, take me back! 'Oh that the tender touch of a day that is dead could return to me!' We say 'If only we could turn back the hands of time' If only! I am sure many of your readers are sharing the words of this poem. Thanks for the 'Recall'

[raj24]

If only, the word if has lot many things attached to it, isn't it. Thanks for reviewing, it's really nice of you to read it. I am glad you liked it.