“Why this injustice?” A story in my dairy.

A short silly love story.

January 11^th 1999.

It is evening 5 0 clock in the grand Majestic city bus stand.  I just reached from my workplace in the M.G.Road. I am heading towards my home in Vijaynagar.  There are several reasons to both hate and love this city, Bangalore. It is a City of dreams for dime a dozen but to be very frank, I hate the hectic pace. I hail from a small magical coastal town Kundapur. My Granny, my cutie pie lives there. She is my darling and I miss her so much. I wait with great anticipation for the summer holidays to my little sis Rakshitha to be announced, so that we can rush to meet granny. Our serenity will be disturbed to certain extent by another misogynist, my dad’s junior, my younger brother, Sid alias Siddharth. We all love him but hate his overbearing nature.

For reasons unknown to me I don’t like men much. Oh! Please I am straight. It’s no sin being homosexual but I am straight. The reasons include typical male chauvinistic attitudes of my dad & my brother. My ever submissive mother  who gives lectures like Rajdhani express regarding how girls have to behave, or my schooling in all girls college or those filthy men who I meet in the bus never miss an opportunity to grope female bodies, whatever the reason, I am not a great fan of men. Me and my friend Tanya, we have strange curiosity for men though, an apparent paradox. Tanya talks about many English film actors and actress whom she adores, but, I can’t quite figure out because we girls are denied access to Computers and English movies. My holy dad believes that they corrupt people. Jingoistic isn’t it?

My dad is not all that demon as I have made you believe. He works in a nearby Bank to mine. It is his courtesy my dad, I earned this job and handsome salary. He painstakingly waits for an hour and half for me in the evening. We then move to my favourite, roof top Hotel Plaza, on the first floor of Symphony theatre. I adore the coffee there even though he doesn’t like it much. Every sip of hot coffee in the winter in this legendry hotel when there is occasional drizzle of rain and my dad’s jokes is heavenly experience. I simply adore him then.

I got lost in my thoughts. We have a bus to catch amidst this huge crowd. My Dad, a disciplined and principled man, religiously gets into the men’s side and I prefer to stand close to the driver. Not because I love to see his face, but, I love to see the view from his cabin. At times I even dream of driving one of my own. It won’t be BTS bus but a Volvo; a woman of substance you see. Just joking, this is how I amuse myself perhaps a feeble attempt to hide loneliness. I do miss that one man who would love me to eternity. Today is my 22^nd birthday and I prayed to meet one. This is the lovely birthday present I deserve to get. I have no idea how the package should be though, unlike Tanya, who has specifications like-Tall, dark, handsome, broad shoulders, thick eyebrows and moustache, the list never ends. I want something precious but I have no idea how it should be, quite confusing to god himself.

I desperately want him to wish me today. Don’t ask me how will he come here? I have no idea. Lot of men stare at me. But none of them interest me. I want someone special. Every girl’s dream, there is nothing strange with that wish. Good heavens, my regular Pushpak is not to be seen. Please, it is not what the famous mythological bandit Ravan used to kidnap Sita. It is a bus with slightly higher cost but a reasonably polite crowd compared to others.

I somehow am feeling ill at ease for quite some time now. I feel eye watching me. I turned back and noticed nothing special unusual. I wondered if I should cut down on coffee as I was hallucinating. But, when I turned back again, there, I saw the eye that captivated me. I suddenly became aware and still couldn’t get myself off from those eyes. I turned away and tried using my peripheral vision to visualize gauge that person. He was fair skinned guy with curly hairs; average height yet built good, clean shaven with boyish looks wearing a black tee-shirt, and baggy jeans, an adult male creature. There was great honesty in his eyes; you could peek right into his heart. He stooped and headed straight towards me. My heart was racing. I prayed my dad wasn’t watching and to my consolation he was busy talking to his friend.

This guy headed straight towards me and bent over to pick up something. It was a rose.

He told “Hi. I guess this rose belongs to you sweety. Your birthday I guess, Wish you many happy returns of the day.” I was about to open my mouth then I heard this little starry eyed baby girl smile at him and say “Thank you uncle.” How heartbreaking an experience? He glanced at me, smiled and faded in the crowds. I couldn’t help but notice his dimpled cheeks. I was on cloud nine.

The familiar honk of the bus brought me back to this real world. I gasped and got into the bus. I was in the women’s seat and to my surprise I saw him sitting right opposite to my seat. He could watch me clearly. Then the bus got crowded and could not see him anymore.

As I alighted from the bus, I noticed him following my footsteps. My dad had bid me good bye and headed towards his friend’s house. So mean of him to leave me at the hands of predator closing on me. I was scared and quaking with fear. All men are same. I turned towards a telephone booth and pretended to make a phone call to avoid being followed by this stalker. Pager was just a new invention then and I could not afford one. He walked in the same path and went past my house as I watched him from a distance.  I wanted to share this mixed bag of emotions with someone who wouldn’t judge me. None could be better than you, my dear dairy. Today a male creature has pierced my armour of male hatred.

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Jan 25^th

Sorry I could not write for long time. I wanted to ignore the stranger. I became suspicious that he was a stalker. You know how unsafe these cities are for women. I skipped my regular bus but instead Left early or late. My dad trusted me and never questioned. But my strategy boomeranged. He disappeared completely. He was never to be seen for many days. I thought good riddance but I was sad deep within.

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Jan 31^st

Today was an interesting day. My stalker appeared in the bus again. Tanya was giving me company to my house. We both frowned and fretted at him. He did not seem to bother. He held a book and was busy reading. We sat behind him. Tanya started hurling mean indirect comments at him. I am sure he understood those comments. He glanced back occasionally when they got out of control but gave a faint smile in return. Tanya was difficult to control when she gets going. She had to change her plans as a message from her aunt beeped on her pager. She promised to join my family for dinner. He was alone in the seat and so was I. I was quite uncomfortable. He appeared hurt. His eyes never wavered from the book. I got off the bus and walked as fast as I could. But to my awe he caught up with me. At the crossroad he managed to block me. I was panic stricken. My heart was in my mouth.

“Hi, Madam, good evening, I am so sorry to having stopped you like this. I am Rakesh, a dentico, am a newbie. Here, I have a survey form for you. Can you please complete this form for me? Don’t worry you don’t have to fill in personal details. I know you will be wondering why a stranger is doing this. I respect your thoughts about me. Your friend made it pretty clear in the bus. I have only one form left. Please it will take few minutes and we are walking the same path.” He requested. He was cute, different, and polite in his approach.

His adorable eyes; small, dark brown but mesmerising; I took the form and filled in the details. He thanked me when I handed over the form. I had to know his intentions and I started a conversation

“Mr. Rakesh, Rachna here, a banker by profession; I haven’t seen you around before. Did you move in recently?”

“Yes. I moved into my cousin’s house on Jan 10^th. I was in the dental college hostel. I stay two lanes behind your house. I am graduating in few months and then I will move back to my place.”

“Your place? Are you not a local boy?”

“I hail from Mangalore. Interns don’t get to stay in hostel. I am an intern now.”

“You work pretty late. Your college must be in the central market. But, why do you catch bus from Majestic and that too at sharp 6 in the evening?”

He just smiled and said “I got your attention then. May be, I want to see you every day.” He gave that disarming smile.

“Don’t talk nonsense. I am not that kind of girl.” I shrilled.

“My apologies, I dint try anything. Why don’t you trust me?” he looked curiously at me. My facial grimace told the tale.

“Your house has come. I think it must be your dad at the gate watching us over. You could be in trouble. “

“Oh! My god. He has seen us. Seeing his daughter walk with a stranger will raise his blood pressure. What do I do now?”

“Don’t you panic? I will walk along with you till your gate. Tell him the truth.”

We reached the gate; he bid good-bye and walked off. My dad was fuming in the beginning but later calmed down. Rakesh was absolutely right truth in trying circumstances can save you. I was smitten by him. Tanya pointed out this during our conversation post dinner. I had a name now, Rakesh.

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Feb 5^th

 You know the feeling of being in love is great. I am in love with Rakesh. We meet regularly and are good friends. We go out for snacks in the evening. He is a bundle of joy. His cousin is my dad’s friend. My dad doesn’t mind when I am with him. Tanya met him and after knowing him she apologized for the abuses she hurled at him in the bus. He was quick to reconcile. He has never even once touched me inappropriately even though I longed for his touch. He is a gift too good to be true.

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Feb 14^th

 Today was my first Valentine’s day with a boy friend. Tanya suggested that he will propose. I waited eagerly at the bus stop our secret but safest meeting point. I was early. But he came at his usual time. We sat together and he had so many things to explain. I loved watching him talk. My gaze shifted towards his pink lips and dimpled cheeks. I wondered if I would ever get a chance to kiss them. I am sure he loves me from deep within his heart. He possessed everything a traditional wife could ask for. But I felt a hint of sadness deep within him.

“Rakesh do you love me. Don’t dodge my question?” I looked straight into his eyes. He was startled.

“You are proposing is it? What do you think Rachna? True, from deep within my heart I love you. I can’t let you fall in love with me. Will you get down and come with me? I need to show you something. No questions.”

“Okay.”

Our rickshaw stopped in front of Kidwai institute of oncology. He asked the auto driver to wait.

He kissed on my forehead. “I love you so much and always will. I am glad that I met you. You brought so much of joy in my dull life. I wish I could marry you.” Tears streamed down his eyes and from mine.

“What is this dumbo? What kind of proposal is this? Why do I feel like you are going away from me?” He kissed all over my face and locked his lip into mine as I hugged him tightly. Tears were gushing down his eyes as if he was free from all the pain he suffered. He pulled me with him and we stopped in front of ICU. He pointed out to a frail body connected with all kinds of tubing.

“It is my only brother. He is brain dead because of leukaemia. They are going to pull him off the ventilator tomorrow. They are going to pull the plug of his life. I came everyday here to meet him since one month and he led me to you. My poor parents back home don’t know about his condition.” He was inconsolable.

“Rachna, I love you and always will. But, you need to forget me and move on in life. Promise me. Please. I am going to leave with his dead body tomorrow. Never try to meet me again. Please leave. Wait! Take this before you go.” He had a gift wrapped up in roses. There was a scrap book inside it.

“Whenever my thoughts hurt you, use this, write up all your emotions and burn them. Now leave. ”

I ran back home. I felt my whole world crashed down. I loved a man and it ended up like this. I decided I will never fall in love again. Love hurts.

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Today is Feb 14^th 2013. I met Rachna in the same Majestic bus stop. I had left her in extreme agony. But she stayed within my dreams. She found me on face book and requested to meet. She was here moments back with two lovely kids. We had coffee in her favourite restaurant and she left.  She told that she had to return something important and While leaving she handed over this gift to me. It was this diary of her. The heading was “Why this injustice? A story in my dairy”. I had my own reasons. All the pages of the scrap book that I gave her were intact and only thing written on it was “I love you till eternity.” She has to move on and so do I............