in the secure

‘i am at my friends house dont know when am coming home’

Me growing restless, nervous, mind going crazy, cup overflown.

not knowing is a invisible poison that works its way thru my blood

reaching my brain, infecting me. making me do things not things tht i shud.

i dont know how to trust, but i do kno how to feel pain

anxiety, paranoia, thoughts never wash away, like a stain.

its like my head is a clock work full of washers, nuts  and glogs.

but an important part is jammed leaving me helpless writing feelings on blogs.

i hate givin a part of me away, puttin it in someone else’s hold.

i fear they will discard it, use it over and over till a new thing comes along and i am now old

then release me from their embrace

like a sainsburys bag after shopping, filled with their s**t then left in a darkest of place. 

i dont want to be second best i want to be in your heart for always.

i have been left before, by my dad, at three years

left me on the step, in tears. 

i picture my heart in the same light. 

hopes up high, mind at an equal height. 

then shot from the sky, without a second glance.

plummit to earth, shattered and broken, without a chance.

I hate having no control but i hate to be controlling even more. 

ignore me, leave me, alone on the floor, behind a closed door