Words desease

I have this new condition...called unfinished lines

I saw the symptoms earlier, but i ignored the signs

then it made me sicker, so i had to check it out

so i grabbed a pen to dig what this is all about

few days ago, i met up with my best girl pals

it was the kind of outing we've missed for a while

chatting, laughing , sharing...that was expected

even few pictures to make that day remembered

but..yes...no... haha...that's all i had to say

they started, finished every line their own way

I hate to interrupt somebody else "funny" story

so i adjusted my profile to "silent" but with glory

it's hard to speak up when it's kind of a struggle

the words stuck on my lips tending to shuffle

I left like i came in and out, nothing gained nor lost

i called you the next day and made you the host

the recipient of the locked suffocating words

n' maybe of some complaints about the friends

well i don't really remember what happened then

we jumped to another issue with a promise to return

it's funny how my finished story became a story

that is repeating itself over and over again

Its like we race with no finishing line...with LINES!!!

Where you wanna yell n' say " DO YOU MIND?!!!"

so i came back to pen and paper...my old friends...

or maybe this time it is writescafe and a keyboard :)

but the disease defeated me... I lost the words!

bla bla bla bla...bla bla...bla bla bla bla..blaaa

Reviews

[Raperle]

well thanks for the lovely comments, and yes this poem is childish as i meant it to be this way, i write what goes through my mind even if it doesnt rhyme...just trying to express myself ;)

[Victoria Scott]

It was fun and interesting and totally relatable :)

[Kat Collins]

I understand the comment about not using ellipses in writing, but I will defend the use to some degree! I use them as a pause, a thought, a break in the writing similar to a pause in speaking. Not everything is ended with the finality of a period. The topic was interesting. Keep up the writing!

[pagthagaras]

this was good

[Xx_Ashleigh_xX]

nice (:

[deeps]

I enjoyed this write, I like how you follow your own sequence.
This makes yoru write unique. Follow your own rules, Love this.

[Ivy]

Your writing would immediately appear less trite and childish if you followed two rules:
never write in AABB (unless you're a highly experienced, publish poet already considered a classic)
never use ellipses. not in poetry, not in essays, hardly ever even on facebook. Occasionally if it is in dialogue, but hardly even then.

[Stormy Weather]

Haha I like this :)