There are number of lines here that I don't like. Because I did not think of them first. This whole write takes the reader on an almost staccato development. Bouncing (as the format emphasises) from one thought pole, one concept to another and yet the whole is satisfying as far as structure is concened. Subject however is another matter entirely. I find the formost feeling I get it one of unease. I maybe way out there but I feel you do not intend the reader to walk away with a feeling of contentment. You wish to continue the thinking as perhaps the inner child, as some one else mentioned, does. In any event it is striking workmanship.
Beluga smile indeed.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
yes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visi.. read moreyes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visit
E.
6 Years Ago
ps so glad you listened to and watched the video ;)))))))
I love the rhythm of this...the tone and the surreal quality...beautifully done...gives me the impression of recent events of politics but not completely, just my mind wandering so ignore my reflections :) Loved it...
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
hi Poppy! so happy for your comments and your reading with sensitivity and openness ... politics was.. read morehi Poppy! so happy for your comments and your reading with sensitivity and openness ... politics was definitely in the undercurrent of writing this one ..love and peace and health my friend
E.
Love the sound play in this - a rumbling build- a stirring on the water - an advance....it perfectly carries the words forward Technically brilliant and creatively penned. I felt the warning in it as well.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
TL you have truly made my day ... i could not be more happy and gratified ...thank you ma'am! very m.. read moreTL you have truly made my day ... i could not be more happy and gratified ...thank you ma'am! very much!
E.
This was really good and very deep. I like the childlike form and very adult message. Love the use of the gavel in this, to me it's ringing with injustice and oppression and an end to innocence. The pounding of the gavel pounding the voices into submission.
Maybe I read a little too far into this. Outstanding.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
thank you James .. for your sensitive reading ... innocence is such a treasure ...it gets trampled i.. read morethank you James .. for your sensitive reading ... innocence is such a treasure ...it gets trampled in our lives way to easily, doesn't it!? :( but i think it comes more and more to the surface in older ages ... :) or at least has a chance to .. but you are right ... and you see my intent perfectly
E.
This is stirring. It makes me think of Malala, and how she stood up and used her small voice to rouse thousands across the world. One small voice speaks for lots of people who are too afraid to speak or who think they won't be heard. "Lost lions roar"; I like that
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
boy oh boy! she is the perfect spokeswoman! thank you for reading and commenting!
and hello .. read moreboy oh boy! she is the perfect spokeswoman! thank you for reading and commenting!
and hello D. :) such a treat to make a new acquaintance here at the cafe! hope to see you around :)
E.
The presentation of the poem is so innocent..almost childlike. Yet, it delivers a very serious message. The last stanza is outstanding.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
thank you gabrielle ... i appreciate you taking time and am gratified you enjoyed the read .. and fo.. read morethank you gabrielle ... i appreciate you taking time and am gratified you enjoyed the read .. and for your sensitive perceptions .. thank you! :)
E.
The innocence of a child is a distinguishing and powerful, emotive quality that must be respected and adhered too.....A charming write, laced with benevolence and humanity!
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
good morning Tom ..as adults that voice sparkles in the darkness .. doesn't it?! really appriicate y.. read moregood morning Tom ..as adults that voice sparkles in the darkness .. doesn't it?! really appriicate you taking time here sir!
E.
and the voice is smaller when each vote doesn't count---i want to go back to youth...being a grown up these days is getting scarier and scarier...and the pounding of the gavel is not one of justice, equality and love.
j.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
spot on jacob ..and thank you so much for pointing out the gavel ... innocence is eagerly shed it se.. read morespot on jacob ..and thank you so much for pointing out the gavel ... innocence is eagerly shed it seems .. and/or taken ...re-acquiring it over mountains and valleys is a subtle blessing of peace ...kind of unlooked for :} my Norma for many years did not vote because of her insistent belief that it made no difference .. then she met me ;) .. we vote together now .. and help each other see the "light" ...but i tell you jacob .. with all the character assasinations in this passed election i even told my children i may not vote ..and if i did it could be the last ...honestly tho after voting (a week early) i wrote them all to say how good it felt to excercise that right ..i had peace come what may ;))
thanks for reading and your comments .. they have got me thinking again .. there are some very important times ahead! love and peace sir
E.
Hi, Gene! : )
I love the way you have of expressing, with your own inner-child, such a beautiful message of how much difference even one small voice can make to the world.
You're one of the most deeply-expressive and pure-hearted poets I know, and it is always a pleasure and honor to visit your pages, my very talented a lovely friend.
Many blessings of happiness and goodness to you … brotherly hugs! ⁓ Richard
thank you so much Sir Richard! :) your words encourage me ..i still am uncertain as to how i think a.. read morethank you so much Sir Richard! :) your words encourage me ..i still am uncertain as to how i think and feel about this one ... but i posted it anyway ... i am sure you know what i mean .. thank you always for your support and encouragement
E.
7 Years Ago
Always go with your gut and your heart, My Friend … you'll never regret it! : )
This morning as I began to log in to WC, it occurred to me what an inspiring and comfortable place this has become for me.
There are so many talented people sharing, encouraging, teaching and learni.. more..