Unfolded path

A Poem by Roopal

Sometimes all we need to do is to take a step.

She touched her pen and a prose was framed.

As she started to scribble,

The ink began to set her emotions free,

And a poem was born again.

She walked under the sun looking at the shadow she cast.

She soon found the shade she was looking for.

The birds perched on the high branches tired from the long journey,

Resting and looking for a new destination.

As she looks at her reflection she finds the unusual,

The complexion had faded and the sun stole her glow.

But the sparkle of her eyes were telling a different story,

She kept staring to ferret out the smile she always had.

The dead leaves of the autumn lying in the way,

Shivered by the thought of travelers stepping on them,

She stopped, she waited,

Spring wasn't far, it came, and the path unfolded.

~ R.S.

© 2013 Roopal

Author's Note

Please feel free to review. Criticism inspires me. :)

My Review

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Featured Review

James Hanna-Magill

Dear Roopal

Welcome to Writers Café.

I thought I would have a look at some of your writing, to see if I had anything intelligent to say about it to help you on your way with constructive critique.

I picked this from the top of your list.

My style of review can be long but it will always give the writer a notion of the impact it has made on me as one of their readers.

My review.

1) Structure: Highly unique. I am not sure whether to read it as a newspaper in columns or whether to read it by moving across the page left to right to left to right. More on this shortly in terms of meaning.

You choose not to rhyme. Nor is their any rhythm to the poem. But you do fully punctuate. Short of explaining the movements between verses, I would not call this so much free or blank verse but rather poetry in prose - that is words written in prose format with traits which resemble verse. I like the way you do this.

2) Use of English: Simple and accessible to all. It fits the piece.

3) Allusion: It would appear there is one large allusion cum metaphor running through this poem which is life or writing related to nature and the seasons. See more below.

4) Meaning: You leave the reader no clue a to the meaning of the poem other than your opening quote:

'Sometimes all we need to do is to take a step'

I repeat myself endlessly on this point, but it is worth saying it again to you Roopal. Meaning is for the writer to own. It is for the reader to guess or rather more importantly interpret in their own way.

Some poems can be quite transparent in their meaning. Yours is rather more opaque. That challenges the reader to read and read and read again, as I have just done. Both approaches have equal validity. I congratulate you on this challenge you set for the reader.

You clearly start with a paragraph (let's say it is poetry in prose) which is all about writing in such away as to make the reader (at least me) regard what follows as the poem created as a result. Writing as creation.

If you read it as columns rather than across the page, you get a slightly different take. But the last three stanzas cum paragraphs are the product of your writing.

I see three ways of looking at this:

a. A straight piece where you write a story following your first verse;
b. The story is an analogy for writing; the art of creation, where ideas are filling your head but you are blocked and need to sweep out the autumn leaves to write in a new and seasonally related spring related way; and
c. An analogy for for life be it in seasons or the everyday- out with the old of autumn and in with the new of spring. A new step forward by sheer will.

I see all as existing in your poem and related to your own words again: 'Sometimes all we need to do is to take a step' - a step forward in writing, in seasons and in life.

5) Impact and favourite lines:

I think the whole issue of the old and the new, be it in writing, or in nature, or in life will impact all. I found the way you expressed this neat in its own complexity of varying meanings.

To reach the new, you have to take a single step over the old and decaying to decayed.

Let me just list two of my favourite parts of this poetic prose:

First:

Your opening stanza.

She touched her pen and a prose was framed.
As she started to scribble,
The ink began to set her emotions free,
And a poem was born again.

Writing is an essential for those who write. Often it is the only mode of self-expression to clear one's head and explain oneself to oneself, what our life is, a moment of it and what it means.

Your first line admits to prose and you last to a poem. An indicator for poetry in pose style to follow.

Second:

Your closing stanza and the resolution of the piece.

The dead leaves of the autumn lying in the way,
Shivered by the thought of travelers stepping on them,
She stopped, she waited,
Spring wasn't far, it came, and the path unfolded.

Be it in writing, nature or life, one step is only needed to bring needed change.

6) Overview: A very unique structure well expressed in such a way as to generate alternative meanings for the reader.

I find this well written and look forward to reading more of your pieces in time.

With my warmest regards

James Hanna-Magill

Posted 10 Years Ago

Dear Roopal

Welcome to Writers Café.

I thought I would have a look at some of your writing, to see if I had anything intelligent to say about it to help you on your way with constructive critique.

I picked this from the top of your list.

My style of review can be long but it will always give the writer a notion of the impact it has made on me as one of their readers.

My review.

1) Structure: Highly unique. I am not sure whether to read it as a newspaper in columns or whether to read it by moving across the page left to right to left to right. More on this shortly in terms of meaning.

You choose not to rhyme. Nor is their any rhythm to the poem. But you do fully punctuate. Short of explaining the movements between verses, I would not call this so much free or blank verse but rather poetry in prose - that is words written in prose format with traits which resemble verse. I like the way you do this.

2) Use of English: Simple and accessible to all. It fits the piece.

3) Allusion: It would appear there is one large allusion cum metaphor running through this poem which is life or writing related to nature and the seasons. See more below.

4) Meaning: You leave the reader no clue a to the meaning of the poem other than your opening quote:

'Sometimes all we need to do is to take a step'

I repeat myself endlessly on this point, but it is worth saying it again to you Roopal. Meaning is for the writer to own. It is for the reader to guess or rather more importantly interpret in their own way.

Some poems can be quite transparent in their meaning. Yours is rather more opaque. That challenges the reader to read and read and read again, as I have just done. Both approaches have equal validity. I congratulate you on this challenge you set for the reader.

You clearly start with a paragraph (let's say it is poetry in prose) which is all about writing in such away as to make the reader (at least me) regard what follows as the poem created as a result. Writing as creation.

If you read it as columns rather than across the page, you get a slightly different take. But the last three stanzas cum paragraphs are the product of your writing.

I see three ways of looking at this:

a. A straight piece where you write a story following your first verse;
b. The story is an analogy for writing; the art of creation, where ideas are filling your head but you are blocked and need to sweep out the autumn leaves to write in a new and seasonally related spring related way; and
c. An analogy for for life be it in seasons or the everyday- out with the old of autumn and in with the new of spring. A new step forward by sheer will.

I see all as existing in your poem and related to your own words again: 'Sometimes all we need to do is to take a step' - a step forward in writing, in seasons and in life.

5) Impact and favourite lines:

I think the whole issue of the old and the new, be it in writing, or in nature, or in life will impact all. I found the way you expressed this neat in its own complexity of varying meanings.

To reach the new, you have to take a single step over the old and decaying to decayed.

Let me just list two of my favourite parts of this poetic prose:

First:

Your opening stanza.

She touched her pen and a prose was framed.
As she started to scribble,
The ink began to set her emotions free,
And a poem was born again.

Writing is an essential for those who write. Often it is the only mode of self-expression to clear one's head and explain oneself to oneself, what our life is, a moment of it and what it means.

Your first line admits to prose and you last to a poem. An indicator for poetry in pose style to follow.

Second:

Your closing stanza and the resolution of the piece.

The dead leaves of the autumn lying in the way,
Shivered by the thought of travelers stepping on them,
She stopped, she waited,
Spring wasn't far, it came, and the path unfolded.

Be it in writing, nature or life, one step is only needed to bring needed change.

6) Overview: A very unique structure well expressed in such a way as to generate alternative meanings for the reader.

I find this well written and look forward to reading more of your pieces in time.

With my warmest regards

James Hanna-Magill

Rating /100