What I Mean When I Say You're Stupid

I hate you because you’re better than me
And you make sure I never forget it,
Because when you call yourself a failure
I can never be sure if you believe yourself
Or if you’re just trying to cajole me into disagreeing.
I hate you because you’re so full of yourself in the strangest way,
Imagining all the world despises you when
Most of us don’t actually give a damn,
Because you’re a hybrid of insecurity and arrogance,
And as a result you are the most cynical optimist to ever want to change the world.
I hate you because you don’t understand
What it means to be crying over textbooks at midnight,
Because everything comes so easily to you
And naturally you assume it comes easy to me too
So you never stop and consider how hard I work to get nothing in the end,
Call me a defeatist even though I’ve already fought.
I hate you because you’re what I used to be,
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to conquer the world,
So sure you’re going to end up on top,
God, I remember when I was like you,
And I hate you
Because I can never go back to believing
The way you do. 
I hate you because I could be you if I tried,
I could be, but not you as you are,
If I gave my life to a blender,
If I gritted my teeth and stood against the blade,
Every hour of every day,
If I worked harder and gave four hundred percent,
I could be like you.
I could be you, but do I want to be?
Should I want to be?
You chose your life,
You tell me.
Is it worth it?
I already know your answer,
And that, that is a conviction.
A conviction I will never share 
And I hate you because you’re brilliant in a way
I won’t ever be.

Author's Note

written for yet ANOTHER friend