Locked away

This was my hardest piece to write. Reliving these memories is something I do everyday.

I sat in a room with living corpses. Just meaningless souls scratching at the exit wanting the sweet taste of death or wanting another hit of what put them in that room with me. I wondered why I was here. All I wanted was some help. The night before I messed up bad, I just wanted to fix what I broke. Never did I think it would turn into a mental death sentence. I waited and waited as I saw the horrors of life. The doctor came and asked if I should be here I said "no.", I didn't come up with some excuse I just knew I wasn't like these people but the doctor thought the opposite. I spent the the next twenty four hours crying, crying more than new born baby, crying because I missed my mom, my friends, and the world I took for granted. In that room I met a man who recognized me. He said "Hey you're that kid from Wawa." I agreed but in the back of mind I was scared, scared like someone had a gun to my head. What if he went crazy and attacked me what if he would one day get out and let the world know I was just another crazy. He said " I'm here cause I tried to kill myself over some girl. How bout you?" With tears pouring down my face I said " I'm here for the complete opposite I kept my my life for some girl who will probably never talk to me ever again." I thought that room was hell but it turns out it was just my purgatory, the deciding factor if I was good or bad. Then the devil came and took me to hell. I was living a real life horror movie. No matter how many times I screamed "I'm not crazy!" The less convincing it became. They gave me what they called a bed it was really a piece of plastic with a sheet. The Windows were glazed over and bolted shut, no real sunshine would hit me for a week. As and added bonus I was paired in a jointed room with man who will go unnamed. Not because I forget his name but to me he is Voldemort he is the who shall not be named. He was far out of this world and there was no way of reaching him. He just stared at his reflection turning the faucet on and off and laughing maniacally for hours on end until the sun rose then he would stop. Every now and then at night I hear his laugh in the back of mind and quite honestly it scares me to the point of tears. The next week I would spend staring at a wall. You can learn about yourself just watching paint dry to be honest. I realized that this girl the one I barley knew a week ago might be the person to change everything I know about life, I realized that the only thing I ever wanted to be wasn't far fetched and that I could chase my dream. The most important thing I realized was life isn't about money or expensive items it all about the memories. The greatest thing I've ever done for myself since that experience was creating a new memory everyday, just something to look back at and say hey I lived in that moment. The more I started at that wall the more I noticed it was staring back at me. I soon realized that I'm not normal that I am just another crazy, a ticking time bomb ready to explode one day making an explosion so big it would shake the earth. The doctors asked the same questions over and over that it became second nature to speak those words that put me in there at least once every couple hours. They kept telling me I would be out soon but day after day went by. Night after night I cried my eyes because I missed everything the air, the trees, the sunlight, that girl. Oh god I missed that girl so much after just one day of hanging out I missed her so much. So much it put knots in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I got into the routine of getting up early, getting my vitals checked,then going the breakfast. Every morning I had cereal that tasted like cardboard with a glass of apple juice. If I ever see apple-juice now I get sick to my stomach, it's just a small reminder of my days locked away. The thing that broke my heart the most was when my best friend came the visit. He showed up in tears because his best friend just kind of disappeared without a trace, no warning at all, one moment I was there and at the blink of an eye I was gone. We talked about all the good times we had, what I was missing in school, and when I'd be a free man again. Days later was the day I would escape that literal hell. It was the first time in a long time I actually smiled from pure joy. I grabbed my belongings that had been cut and ripped to keep me from doing something deadly and told the nurses and doctors " I hope I never see you again. In a good way." I walked outside and saw the world differently. You truly have to lose everything realize how much you took it for granted. You can assume I called my best friend to come see me when i got out but I didn't. I called that one person who put me here, the one who probably saved me from becoming another suicide statistic, the one who I would one day call mine. Life went on like nothing happened. I graduated high school, lived a little too carefree, messed around and fell in love. Now I sit up at night and stare at my wall thinking about that place. That place that did more harm then good to me. I think about how if I never met that one person, I would have never went to that one place that would change me forever.