The Last

This piece pictures the last day mankind spends on earth; it realizes that it is a part of the evolutionary journey of the Earth and not its last stage, embracing its destiny with dignity and humility

While the storm whiles away today,

We can see the lights, they’re not fading away.

There’s just so much that time can take,

Our memories can’t be erased, they can’t be faked.

At a distance, I can see you carry my load,

This light is not of our suns’ but the rays for another road.

 

Proud, we have made the woods and stones smile,

There’s only us and the moon tonight.

Eyes have seen the wonders even if it is for a while,

Get up and see the beauty of the created.

 

It is about time we laughed at our pride,

For the dreams of never dying had died.

In the sweet wake of its sublime present,

One more morning, the mother has in mercy sent.

For the first time, with the joy of forgoing foresight,

With the last drink in, cheers for what we’ve done right.

 

The balance has woken up from its comforting sleep,

There’s never a dull moment on this stage.

We can only imagine what this birth brings, now that we’re deep,

Maybe this is exactly when we break from this cage.

 

The air seems lighter this evening, the eyes mellow,

No one questions as the flowers are no longer yellow.

The autumn has peaked its power this moment,

The leaves and their redness have this path coated.

The glimpse of your smiles, the sight of your likeness,

All will we take and move embracing into the brightness.

 

Love is not to be lost in the gravity of this land,

It rises into the stars to be one with its kind.

Our marks seem indelible on these waters, they don’t understand,

What we’d made here was a gift, and now a gift from the blind.

Written By Roshan Nair

Copyright © 2015 Roshan Nair

Author's Note

Pardon any grammatical (unintentional)or rhyme (intentional) based liberties I've taken. Hope you guys enjoy it ! would love to hear your reviews

Reviews

[Afraa]

How did this not get ONE review yet? I swear, people can be real lazy to read and review! Now that I got that out of the way...

You might come across many people on here who don't like rhyming poems, but I have always loved them and always will. This is quite a mesmerizing piece, and by reading this, I can tell you see things through a different perspective in life. This piece is packed with great imagery and is very meaningful. For that, you should be proud of this, and you managed to impress me. Also, excellent job with the stanza structure and the organization. The font is perfect for the piece as well.

Kudos to you!

Thank you for sharing!

[Roshan Nair]

Thank you so much Afraa for that kind review. I am new here and have joined just hours ago. Im hoping to get my work more out there. Im glad you find my work interesting. will keep posting :)

Cheers!

[Afraa]

You're very welcome.

I knew you were new, just by looking at your profile. But you have a way with words, and for that, I look forward to reading more from you.

Enjoy your time here!

[Roshan Nair]

Thanks again ! I'm already having a good time reading and reviewing some great pieces here already. glad I found this platform

[Frank]

While the storm whiles away today,
[whiles away for a storm doesn't make much sense and the grammar is odd but we can forgive that ]
We can see the lights, they’re not fading away.
[overstating just for a rhyme, in my view rhyme is a waste of time, it the meaning I want, if we do rhyme why not be traditional and go metrical, and rhyme is still incidental to me. Some curse slanted rhyme, assonance rhyme and alliterated rhyeme, but why rhyme at all?]

There’s just so much that time can take,

[to me this is just there to complete the rhyme scheme, it means little in the poem]
Our memories can’t be erased, they can’t be fake.
[why question our memories, what has this to do with the poem?]

At a distance, I can see you carry my load,
This light is not of our suns’ but the rays for another road.

Proud, we have made the woods and stones smile,
There’s only us and the moon tonight.
Eyes have seen the wonders even if it is for a while,
Get up and see the beauty of the created.

It is about time we laughed at our pride,
For the dreams of flying hasn’t but of never dying had died.
[needs reworking]

In the sweet wake of its sublime present,
One more morning, the mother has in mercy sent.
For the first time, with the joy of forgoing foresight,
With the last drink in, cheers for what we’ve done right.

The balance has woken up from its comforting sleep,
There’s never a dull moment on this stage.
We can only imagine what this birth brings, now that we’re deep,
Maybe this is exactly when we break from this cage.

The air seems lighter this evening, the eyes mellow,
No one questions as the flowers are no longer yellow.
The autumn has peaked its power this moment,
The leaves and their redness have this path coated.
The glimpse of your smiles, the sight of your likeness,
All will we take and move embracing into the brightness.

Love is not to be lost in the gravity of this land,
It rises into the stars to be one with its kind.
Our marks seem indelible on these waters, they don’t understand,
What we’d made here was a gift, and now a gift from the blind.

I could not make much of it at all, it does jump an=bout a bit. Sentimental maybe but the wording is hard to follow and I miss a constant theme.

[Roshan Nair]

Thank you frank for the review. I appreciate your inputs on the piece, I am new to this avenue of expressing myself and will keep improving.

[Tevin Smith]

not bad Roshan............. keep on writng!

[Rachelle]

It takes a certain amount of time to contemplate and reflect on what we are today, what we want to be and what we really were meant to be. Are we to satisfy ourselves with the ephemeral and temporal as our Life's Purpose? Surely, we were not created to be in His image and likeness just to be that. Latest discoveries in quantum and particle physics show emergent proof that quarks are indeed made from energy - little frequencies ordered and built in the seemingly chaotic and disorderly Universe. Yet, there is logic behind it all - an Intelligent Force building everything with a loving, creative Hand. Who are we but reflections of this Love? As such, indeed, we must find it in ourselves to mirror the Creative Force instead of pursuing relentless destruction and self-destruction.

[Roshan Nair]

I admire your perspective on the topic, it is definitely a better path than to invoke destruction of others or the self. Thanks for reading

[Rachelle]

I am a more of a person of science than a creative and, perhaps, because of this, I produce very little creative material as everything has to be substantiated empirically. However, let me tell you that you creatives are given a gift. You provoke thought and your works move and change the play of the game. You can see it throughout history. Why are the artists, writers and other creatives either the first arrested or the first commissioned when there is a revolution? Think about it - you guys have the power to ignite change. If so, then let your life purpose focus on constructing a better world or at least, give us a better glimpse of it....

[Roshan Nair]

Lol honestly rachelle, I didn't think of myself as ever being up for science v/s creatives draft, but you are right, I am more on the creative bent of things. And thanks for reminding me of my purpose as such, (I so feel like a superhero while typing this). Either ways I am glad I could provoke thoughts as such with you and the perspective I got back. Glad you could read my work. :)

[Stonz P.]

Suggestions:

# I think "can't fade away" is better for the flow.
# *can't be fakeD (missed the D)

Again, this flowed like a song; you should really trying meddling with some tunes here. Great pensive subjects and the imagery is great; comes out where it should. Great work. Keep up.

[Roshan Nair]

Thank you so much for the suggestion! It does sound better that way you said. Glad for your input and that you liked the imagery.
Im a musician first.. so most of my poems come out somewhat songlike by default
Cheers :)

[Yam]

Not much words..."Just Wow"

[Roshan Nair]

Thanks so much for the review yam, glad to see you liked my works :) keep coming back. I'll of course check out your work and reciprocate the kind gesture

[Astrid]

Lovely language~

1st line: "While the storm whiles away today," methinks you mean "wails" rather than the second "whiles".
3rd stanza, 2nd line: "For the dreams of flying hasn’t but of never dying had died." This line seems forced since you're trying to rhyme and therefore sounds awkward and strange. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme (it can if you want it to, though it doesn't have to).

[Roshan Nair]

Hey thanks a lot for your honest review! Appreciate it! :)

[Astrid]

Happy to help :)

[katja]

"There’s only us and the moon tonight"
^^^^
i loved that line! reminds me
so much of the following quote...
"If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
You leave the same impression
Of something beautiful, but
annihilating"
- sylvia plath
*
a wonderfully profound piece, beautifully constructed & well written...
... thank you for sharing your pen
~yekaterina

[Roshan Nair]

Thanks a lot yekatrina :) glad you could relate to the emotions I put through

[armin]

If I am not wrong, you are quite new in the cafe.
I felt every word of the poem.
Great job and Keep it up.

Spidey. ...

[Roshan Nair]

Im glad you liked it
Thanks a lot spidey!.. (*cant help but feel like a grateful new yorker in the spiderman movie while saying that! )

[armin]

haha. .
Have a nice time.

[Ana B.]

A very deep and strong poetry.

The air seems lighter this evening, the eyes mellow,
No one questions as the flowers are no longer yellow.

These are my favorite. Beautiful.

[Roshan Nair]

Thanks a lot Ana. Glad you liked it ! :)

[Justin Xavier Smith]

Felt very real, heartfelt, and emotional. I'd be lying if I said parts of it didn't resonate with me. So, thanks for sharing.

[Roshan Nair]

Thank you Justin ! i greatly appreciate your comment
Cheers!

[Saddam]

Excellent write dear friend...........
It is most fluent story.....