Untimely Abyss

The world in which we live

Untimely Abyss

In a world of darkness

alone I roam

Where rain is now acid

And hell is my home

The flowers are sharp

razor blades

My skin is crawling

My hope slowly fades

My hair is singed

my hands are burned

My life is a ruin

All the lessons I’ve learned

You can see the crying

never the smiles

For walking a block

Is roaming for miles

This world is twisted

nothing but hate

Those who choose love

Soon meet their fate

I shouldn’t be punished

I’ve done nothing wrong

But here I suffer

And sing a sad song

 

Author's Note

I hope you enjoy. Comments, helpful advice or just reading it is greatly appreciated!!

Reviews

[cilla]

Wow. This is a very dark and hopeless look at the world we share. The poem itself is well written but that could easily get lost in the hopeless descent it conveys.

I shouldn't be punished
I've done nothing wrong � Innocent victim?

But here I suffer
And sing a sad song � Enslaved observer?

All and all, a fine piece that begs the question � How the hell did we end up here? Pawns of inescapable pre-destination? Compelling work.

[Silver Moon Authors]

Amazing . Simply amazing . I am looking forward to more of your writing .

[C.L. Wilson]

very, very dark. simply depressing imagery and loving it. dark ink at its best.

[She-Ra]

beautiful!
Where rain is now acid

And hell is my home

[Red Brick Keshner]

Ah, and here I hear a voice coming from deep within you. I don't know what experiences you've had in between the writing of this and your poem on the hill. But there is a gap and progress that has taken place. I hope you realise that this has occurred and that you have made strides in your poetic journey.

"The flowers are sharp
razor blades" I really like this line because it's sort of like saying that pretty or beautiful things aren't always what they appear to be.
Good flow, though I would have liked to have seen more detail. But I live for detail, so don't take it personally. ;)

[unspokenguilt]

Great flow, yepyep the world at times isn't all it's cracked up to be...it's not perfect and neither are we, but look closely and you'll see what seems perfect just hides it's flaws quite masterfully.

Great Write,
:) Elyssa

[F**K]

this line simply got my attention
its amazing... i love it... i can relate to this poem... simply it is perfect

I've done nothing wrong

But here I suffer

And sing a sad song

[Changed to a New Accoun..]

again incredibnly easy for me to relate... nice job

Beautifully depressing... I agree with JadedSparrow about the comma's. It would make it flow much more nicely.
-Nice Write-
-Satan's Toaster