Chapter 1

My double stared deep into my eyes, a fogginess in his eyes that seemed unsubstantial to realism. My soul spoke in this relished moment, my heart pounding from my own being to his. His moist eyelids seemed to be a manner of distinguished falsity, but they were REAL, and alive.

When I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher addressed the class, and she claimed one day scientists would discover a genuine way of cloning a human being, and that it will be done! it struck me in that moment the authenticity of her statement, and Oh did I look into the future and attempt to imagine the effects of this unknown phenomenon. I am now fifty-one years old, gray hairs springing from my head--and this already! I beheld my clone not as an alien creature, but rather as a member of the human race--I would ensure this to become the future of cloning on our great Earth! but alas, how was I to do this?

I observed my clone’s features in complete reverence. Yes, what a grand thing! blue veins popped out from his muscular arms, and curly brown hair topped his head. But his blue eyes rang a deeper prospect of meaning to me--what lie behind the glossy blue of his pupil was mysterious to me, and it seemed projected as incomprehensible to the human mind. The human mind can do great things--spectacular things! yet to fathom the life and wellness of a created being--rather, what the clone sees the world to be through its own eyes...truly extraordinary. My clone looked upon me--the soft pitter patter of midnight rain could be heard through a window--yes, nothing could spoil this precious moment! precious! His eyes locked to mine--my child he surely was, and who could say otherwise? I made him! He is my past and future--surely what a great thing!

He momentarily began to stir, and I could practically see the foggy mist clear from his eyes as he awoke--before he had been staring at me with what I conceived as more or less dead eyes, but now: the true awakening! This would mark the beginning--the beginning of a new time, whence the world will come to see the ingenuity of my labour! Yes, surely my creation would alter the way life is seen unto man! The world will never be the same--and for that, I am certain! If the creation of life in a way such as this can be done, then surely much more should hasten to be staked as possible! All that was seen as impossible should not be likewise, but rather they should be tried--and tried! The infinite expanse of space may not be as infinite as it seems. The prospect of time: from infinity past to infinity future, perhaps just a fluke to keep us busy; the human mind...comprehension of such topics is just...no living man can describe it. And the reason I say no living man...the deceased likely have all the answers, mocking our world because we’re doing everything wrong. But I am going to discover the answers; discover the true meaning behind infinity and change EVERYTHING the living ever thought of life. The future is similar to my creation: fresh and new! An awakening of not only my clone but also a world of plausible, and proposed, questions--with answers anew!

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

Some interesting ideas here. You asked me to read and review, so I will say this, look over for simple mistakes in punctuation and grammar -- they distract the reader from the story underneath. Also, it may be wise to use exclamations sparingly, as they too are an unnecessary distraction from a solid tale. With a little bit of polish, a fine beginning.

[Gladys]

This is an interesting premise! Cloning could take this story down many paths, so I'm looking forward to read what happens next. I also quite liked the character's internal dialogue. The only thing I would do is to make the words in caps lock lower case and italicised. Caps lock doesn't look as professional.

Overall, well done!

[Lorenza Nightingale]

I thought the idea was interesting. I would like to read more, but I had to make myself read it. Really all this chapter needs is some polishing. It has great start.

[Outdated Account]

These other reviewers have the right idea. Grammar and spelling need a double check, and punctuation should be looked at again. The exclamation points are not entirely unnecessary, and let me explain why. This passage is one of wonder and excitement, why should the narrator not exclaim? Why should he not shout out his excitement? Yes, there may be a few too many, and they need to be used a little more exactly, but many of them should be there.

In way of actually doing your editing, I would read what you have here aloud and type up the revisions you want or need to make on a fresh document. That's my preferred method of editing and I find that it works in most situations.

All in all, you have a great prospect in front of you and I am pleasantly surprised that I want to continue reading... and I will.

[Justin E]

I agree with what has been mentioned in the other reviews, namely that attention should be given to correct grammar and punctuation. However, the premise is captivating, and I look forward to reading more of the story. I loved the sentences, "If the creation of life in a way such as this can be done, then surely much more should hasten to be staked as possible! All that was seen as impossible should not be likewise, but rather they should be tried--and tried! The infinite expanse of space may not be as infinite as it seems." What a thought provoking idea! I applaud you for proposing an idea that truly makes the reader think, and even be challenged.

Also, I don't know if you have read the novel, Dracula, but I got the same sense reading this chapter as I did when I read Dracula; it's written in journal/diary entries etc., and I felt like this chapter was a diary entry of the man speaking. It was a nice touch, in my opinion.

[Stars and Whales]

I am going to alter it to make it indeed be a journal entry by the main character. If you read the next few chapters, especially chapter 4, things might make more sense as to where I am going with this. the grammar issues were intentional because it is the style that I portrayed; Mary Shelley, author of Frankenstein, often didn't capitalize the first word in sentences to express a different emotion and feeling. do you understand what I am talking about? anyway, thanks friend and I appreciate the help

[Justin E]

Yes, I understand what you are talking about, and it makes more sense now that I know you are coming at it with the intent of making it a journal entry. I'm on to chapter 2 now. Thanks for the clarification.

[Jacob Clifford]

Well, this is an interesting idea. Your character/narrator/protagonist seems like a very inspired, driven man, and I'm getting a kind of Frankenstein vibe from the whole thing. The chapter isn't perfect. I don't have much to add that the other reviewers have already said. This whole chapter feels a bit stretched in that the same few ideas are interjected redundantly. It kind of takes away from the progression of the story. Overall, not bad. Could use some polishing, but I do like the idea and opportunities this presents.

[Cheyenne]

I like this! It was really interesting and definitely makes you want to keep reading.Good job!

[Ian Craven]

Ideas that stand out are as follows...

The strength and power of the human mind
Control/ Manipulation
Key idea - Awakening to a new kind of life. Show the new kind of life throughout the story, do not explain it in the beginning.

[ghostlyhearts]

I recall being in High school and my English teacher was excited about cloning as he viewed it as a way of obtaining eternal life. Honestly, the idea terrifies me!!
Great first chapter, I really enjoyed reading it!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks man!