meanwhile i keep dancing

i almost died the other day.

as i sat at my desk
i almost died.

my inner anguish choked me
as i thought of all the nights
without someone to hold
and the incessant pointlessness
of so many of the things we do.

i almost died
with the thought of having to live
the rest of my life.

i gazed at that closed door
and vaguely wondered
where the damn window of happiness was
then i looked towards the wall
and saw plastered concrete eggshell
covered with a single piece of art:

"I get up. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."

i recall the falls
but for the life of me
couldn't remember the last time
i had truly danced

and with that thought
i almost died.

and as the squealing sound of tires
screeched from outside the building
i stared at that near-empty, windowless wall
and wondered who would die today
and when that crash
would come.

i waited for metal to meet metal
and for the morbid opportunity
to walk outside
and see the scene.

the wait was so long
i considered dying
to pass the time.

the tire squeals kept sounding
and the acceleration kept increasing
and i vaguely wondered
what the hell is going on...

then came the crash
and i thought 'yup, there it is'
as concrete blocks exploded
and bricks were thrown.
plaster dust covered the room
and the sound of my screams
surprised me.

i was anticipating the crash
yet not expecting the crash
to be me.

and amid all those thoughts of dying
i thanked god
i was alive.

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Youe poems are always so far above me that I struggle to understand. Is the crash metaphorical, symbolizing the death of a relationship or the coming of one of life's many crisises? I guessed relationship because of the use of the closed door. Are you pointing to the hopelessness that we feel at those times when you use the words death, died or dying? The message that I took from this poem, that I read in the final stanza, was that "This too shall pass."

Was I in the ballpark?

[Tara Jean Olson]

WOW, emily. this is quite emotional for me to read, because i crashed a car when i was a teenager, and i almost died. i am still recovering, and will do so for the rest of my life.
Your poem is well conveyed, and beautifully expressed.

[PianoandPage]

wow. true story?

this is great.

i especially love "i almost died
with the thought of having to live
the rest of my life." - ironic without coming off as sarcastic or light.

we throw around dramatic concepts like dying when we feel frustrated, angry, hurt, or listless. when it comes calling for us though we have a sacred new respect for our lives.

this was a fantastic write. i really enjoyed reading it.

[Brette Medb]

Wow. Amazing how it takes so much to make us appreciate the life we live. People wander through their lives always dissatisfied by what they have or the rotten luck they manage to pick up but when life is so close to being taken away there comes the thankfulness for all that has happened. You did a wonderful job portraying that with the repetitiveness of the I thought about dying or I wanted to die line. Great ending.

Brette

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh Kara this is so touching as I can relate so well and the message rings out how so many of us don't care much to be alive yet in the midst of danger we realize just how much we want to be...

i was anticipating the crash
yet not expecting the crash
to be me.

those lines really puts everything into perspective cause no matter how bad life is we have no chance to improve it six feet under...

Not to sound redundant but this is brilliant on so many levels... I can't help but put in my favs.

[Pj]

WOW! This is great! What a wonderful job...It made me feel so much and all at the same time
Fantastic

[Kelly D. Burris]

You can really feel the exhaustion and resigning to the weight of life overcoming you in this piece. I love the abrupt turn of thoughts in the end. Sometimes that's how it happens in life, suddenly.
Very nice piece.

[Mercury Mirrors]

wow. I love this. You would think that saying 'dying' so many times in a poem could become cliche, but this avoided that perfectly. Quite frankly, & to avoid leaving an incredibly long review, it ROCKS. :]

Kudos,
Lizz

[Jason]

They're multiple tones, multiple feelings and many different interpretations one could conjure with this brilliant piece of art. I'm stuck in a moment of awe, thinking, feeling- like remnants after an explosion, a fire, an accident...What happened? When did eveything go wrong? What the hell am I doing? A meaning of life poem. Then, as in a moment of clarity, of strength, these words tremble- "meanwhile I keep dancing". Steadfast indeed. You (the Author) has survived something that brings a certain -gratitude, only a survivor, like yourself can understand.

Beautiful - k

-j

[R J Askew]

I really enjoyed this for its power and drama. I think many people will identify with the mood you conjour up here. there IS a strange desperate undercurrent of sadness to life which runs closer to the surface for some...I don't think this is necessarily all bad as sadness is as much a part of life as happiness and to deny the presence of either seems wrong. I think it is how we deal with sadness that matters. some suffer it harder than others and some suffer a lot but can cope with it better. your poem recongises the presence and power of sadness -- the din of the wheels n engine are very dramatic and evoke a spinning out of control, which is at the core of many a mental crash. but the notion of dancing is a powerful counterbalance being a positive and hopeful motion. I sometimes think we die often in life, or die in little bits as we get older. I love 'i considerd dying to pass the time' for its wry wit. (I also see Jimmy (Obsolete) read this a while back...a lovely guy I miss hearing from as he has been ill.)