A Hard Realization

July 30 2021 

Dear Lily,

It has been 21 hours since the dream. I tried to go back to bed but I could not, so I just sat in bed thinking until it was time to wake up. I couldn't tell my parents what happened. How would I even start? “Hey mom and dad, I just wanted to mention that I was experimented on for the past two years.” sorry, I know that was a bit obnoxious, I am just being negative. I didn’t know how many secrets I would be keeping once I got home. For the past two years, we created an unrealistic fantasy about how coming home would be. I did not realize how much I changed in the past two years. Today I went to Leah’s house to apologize. I  wanted to tell her about everything that happened those two years, but that did not happen. Once she opened the door, she gave me a big bear hug and started crying over my shoulder saying how sorry she was for leaving me yesterday. I looked at her and cried “I’m sorry too!”. I wanted to tell her everything, and then I saw how she was looking at me. She saw me as the Maria that was kidnapped two years ago. Sweet, enocent, nieve Maria. I am not that person anymore, but I could not tell her that. I could not ruin her perfect image of me. So instead of telling her anything after we finally stopped crying, I looked at a clock and lied “I told my parents I would come home soon. You can text me though.” and I left. How long can I keep this charade up? I miss you so much and I wish you were here to tell me what to do. You always knew what to do. You always knew how to make me feel strong. If only you were strong enough to survive that last procedure. Then you would be here with me. I hope you feel invincible wherever you are.

 Love,

Maria Roberts