belive

belive

A Poem by saroosh
"

believing in dreams

"
waiting for that day
that special day
when my world merges with the real world
the day my imagination
wears the dress of reality
the day i shed tears all of happiness
the day which will make me wish
to live once again
waiting for that day
that special day
when a world appears
a world full of me
a world gull full of dreams dreams i wanted to live
dreams i wanted to be
i know this dream id a dream
but i BELIEVE
dreams do come true
miracles do happen
the one thing that makes them alive
is to believe

waiting for that day
that special day
when I'll be what i am
I'll have what i want
I'll live with what i desire
I'll have what is mine
waiting for it to happen
just like magic
just like fiction
till i stop breathing I'll be waiting

© 2013 saroosh


Author's Note

saroosh
i know it's a bit immature but do give yours suggetions so that i can improve

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Featured Review

Nice piece. I have found that usually our world and dreams are what we make of it. We can choose the direction in which we walk. We can look at any thing in the distance, no matter how high the mountain top-and then, we can make a choice to start walking towards it. There will always be things to get in the way on this journey; just let your mind remain focused on reaching this goal-this destination that you want to reach. Believe that you can reach it. Believe that you can do it. If someone else says that you cant do it, it doesnt mean that you cant-it just means that you cant do it with them. Move forward. The first step is the hardest on the road to success.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

saroosh

7 Years Ago

well said!!
Levi

7 Years Ago

Thank you :)


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Reviews

Seems you've wanted to make this into a song with the repeating stanza... First, break this down into stanza(s) and look for typo(s) in the verse... follow a format more fitting of a song... and this will become more... Look at other lyrics of others...

Posted 7 Years Ago


I think it is beautiful, I see some suggestions below and they are good ones, but tsill without them, this piece seems to me it speaks from your heart. Nothing immature at all about it, we all dream, we all desire and we all need. That is what makes us so unique, and I believe that these dreams, desires and needs will all come to us if were are patient and open. This is very charming, honest and free. Nice.

Posted 7 Years Ago


No improvement needed on this one. This came from your heart. Never give up on hope because dreams eventually do come true. The thing is to take hold of your dream when the opportunity arises. You will know when the time comes.Well written.

Posted 7 Years Ago


saroosh

7 Years Ago

thank you so much!!
Saroosh,

I don't believe it's immature; it's real life.

The important thing is that I believe you; I believe your dreams will come true because of your incessant desire.

Well thought out; well written.

Suggestions:

Line # 6 - I don't think you need the word 'all'
Line # 7 - I don't think you need the word 'wish'
Line # 8 - Add the word 'want'
Line # 13 - Could you delete the word 'gull' ? End this line at 'dreams' and move 'dreams I want to live' down to make another. Change 'wanted' to 'want'.
Line # 16 - Change 'id' to 'is'.

Capitalize your I's.

'the day my imagination wears the dress of reality' Love it!

Well thought out and well written.

My suggestions are merely that; not criticism.

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem.

Sincerely, Cecil

Posted 7 Years Ago


saroosh

7 Years Ago

thank you so much Cecil for your suggestions they were really helpful :) Hoping to learn more from y.. read more
I love the line 'the day my imagination wears the dress of reality'. Fantastic line

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"the day i shed tears all of happiness
the day which will make me wish
to live once again"

This is good. The pace, especially. Maybe erase some "I'll"s

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

saroosh

7 Years Ago

thanks!
First of all, you've gotta increase the font size. It's so small I've to zoom in to read it. You've got gravity in your words, makes me think. It's good, keep it up!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice piece. I have found that usually our world and dreams are what we make of it. We can choose the direction in which we walk. We can look at any thing in the distance, no matter how high the mountain top-and then, we can make a choice to start walking towards it. There will always be things to get in the way on this journey; just let your mind remain focused on reaching this goal-this destination that you want to reach. Believe that you can reach it. Believe that you can do it. If someone else says that you cant do it, it doesnt mean that you cant-it just means that you cant do it with them. Move forward. The first step is the hardest on the road to success.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

saroosh

7 Years Ago

well said!!
Levi

7 Years Ago

Thank you :)

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Added on January 2, 2013
Last Updated on January 2, 2013

Author

saroosh
saroosh

lahore, Pakistan



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