Irreplaceable

Unfortunately, it was all a lie. If you read my story "rip my heart into a thousand pieces" you will know why. Sometimes people are not who they seem to be.

I remember when we first met. Well, definitely the first time I met you. Because as it turned out, you had actually noticed me on the tennis court a few weeks earlier. And now, I was about to take tennis lessons, and you walked up to me and introduced yourself as one of the tennis coaches. At first, I thought you were a little crazy, but in a good way, because right from the start, you made me laugh. It was like we've known each other for a lifetime, like we were soul mates. We laughed a lot, told each other everything, and knew everything about each other within a short period of time. Being only 17 years old, I had a driver's license, but I was not allowed to drive a car on my own. So it became our routine that I would take the bus to practice during the week, and you would pick me up at the weekend and bring me back home since you only lived one street away. I remember how much I was looking forward to our car rides together, our only chance to be alone. And of course, instead of driving me home directly after work, we would have a drink together, listen to music, or stop at the ice cream parlor or bakery. By the time I turned 18, we were very sad for our car rides we shared to end, so of course, I proudly picked you up from home driving a Mercedes. However, for a long time, we hardly ever shared the same car. That didn't change anything either, because we saw each other on the tennis court all week long, and everyone else slowly realized that we only appeared in a double pack.

For 18 months, we tried to suppress our feelings, although we both knew it was more than that. A year and a half went by, and nothing happened except hugs and holding hands as we were both being afraid of what would happen if we got involved with each other. So afraid of losing each other, we just didn't dare to risk it. So when I graduated from high school, I decided to go abroad for a year. We both felt so sad to say goodbye. And so, a week before I left, I invited you to have breakfast with me at my house. Luckily my parents were on vacation. That day we became one, and from then on, no one could separate us. For 365 days, we skyped every day, fell asleep together on the phone, and confided in each other even more. For each day we were apart, I wrote you a paper note about the things I love about you. And boy, I could have thought of so many more reasons. From the very beginning, we shared the same values...fidelity, monogamy, honesty, loyalty, all the old values that are so rare nowadays. For one year, we kept our relationship a secret until shortly before I came back home. Things were anything but easy. You were in a broken marriage and had to sleep in a single bed in an office for years, and I had to tell my parents that I had a boyfriend just their age.

 Anyway, our love was so strong that nothing and nobody could separate us. I still remember how you picked me up at the airport and surprised me with so many wonderful gifts. How I spent every night sleeping next to you, and how we moved in together within a very short time. You put a ring on my finger, and we had so many plans. We planned to get married, and we dreamt of having a child together. Yeah, it wasn't always easy, and the age difference just wasn't fair. I mean, how can it be fair to not get the chance to grow old together? We had a relationship that was better than any love story, better than any fairy tale. It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me in my life. Even after a couple of years, it still was exactly as it was on day one. We overcame every hurdle. You were there for me when I was sick for a year, pushing away everyone who loved me. I have been there for you when your brother died when you were in hospital, and lots more. We had to put up with so many rumors, looks, and false friends. What gives others the right to judge who you love and who you want to be with? So many people who talk about you badly behind your back and only 1% who have the courage to say it straight to your face. A big age difference seems to cause more talking than a same-sex relationship. People don't know you and assume it's all about money. It's funny when you consider that tennis coaches are usually not wealthy, and I personally come from a very good family background, but how are people supposed to know if you don't feel the need to display status symbols? Some people say that she will leave you for a younger man, but nobody can believe that it is true love. A love that is greater than anything else.

 It was tough, but in the end, my family, your son, and our real friends all accepted and supported us. We ended up falling asleep arm in arm every night, and the passion never faded, not even after 3 years of living together. I remember the countless flowers, jewelry, and the many love letters. The little gestures, the cuddling on the couch in the evening, and how you were my lover and best friend at the same time. I remember the day we welcomed Lucky into our little family. One of the best days of my life. I always remember you showing me what family is. Remember how we promised we'd always love each other, no matter what. We passed so many obstacles, but in the end, life just wasn't fair. We'd still do anything for each other, I know that. I will always love you, and I know you will, too. Because of you, I know that fairy tales are real, and no one will ever be able to come as close to me as you did. Leaving was the hardest decision of my life, and a year later, I still think of you every day, and to this day, I still don't know if it was the right decision. We came together because I listened to my heart and came apart because, in the end, the head outweighed the heart. We will always love and support each other. I am glad that your still my best friend and family because your hug will always be my dearest hug.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful story written my friend.
"It's funny when you consider that tennis coaches are usually not wealthy, and I personally come from a very good family background, but how are people supposed to know if you don't feel the need to display status symbols? Some people say that she will leave you for a younger man, but nobody can believe that it is true love. A love that is greater than anything else"
I liked the above lines. I liked the old ancient saying. You don't find love. Love find you. Hello from Michigan and thank you for sharing the entertaining story.
Coyote

[barleygirl]

This is heartfelt & honest, but I'm sorry to say that I cannot read it with an open mind. Having been the victim of predators in my youth, this guy looks like a classic predator to me. It hurts me to feel your words bubble over like bliss & gifts & skyping makes a true-blue relationship. I hear a little girl almost brainwashed by this older guy who apparently took unfair advantage of your naivete & inexperience. Your habit of writing as if you're trying to convince us how perfect & wonderful this is/was -- this is what I find most suspicious. Real love is not perfect & wonderful like this. This sounds like an addiction, not love, which has ups & downs & complications & learning & growing . . . not staying the same in some artificial blissville. I know this will feel scathing to you, but I've already read "Rip into a 1000" & I felt this way while I was reading that, as well. This guy is such a snake, but you are defending him so mightily, I know you won't be able to take my opinion easily. I can only hope you grow to understand that deep inner voice in you that pulled you away from this unhealthy influence, even tho you cannot consciously acknowledge that you must've had a bad gut-feel about lots of things. Despite my inability to embrace your story in an understanding way, & I'm sorry about that, I am impressed with your writing. I was so entranced by your story & your passion about telling it. I wuz just about to wrap it up for the day, as far as reviewing, but your stories kept me reading much longer than I would've. I also admire you to the moon & back for having the courage to tell your truth exactly as you see/saw & felt it, even tho there will be doubters like myself who see a very different story here! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[sedulous_mind]

Dear barleygirl,
thank you for your honest words. I can understand your concerns after you have read my other story. I wrote this story before I found out about the truth. You are so right... I always had to convince everyone how perfect my relationship was or seemed to be.... that´s because I always fougth for acceptance. How ironic it might seem after reading my other story but for me, it was the most beautiful time of my life but of course I am now reflecting it in a very different way and questioning a lot of the past. I think it makes the situation more complicated to categorize as it all happened with my consent. Everything was a conscious decision on my part, and yet my decisions were apparently not based on truth.

I am sorry you have been a victim in your youth and, understandably, stories like mine can bring emotions back.

Take care - S

[Einstein Noodle]

well .... i think there is a lot of experience expressed in this more diary/therapy form .. it is interesting because you are sharing your personal life so freely .. as a "story" of short story .. i think your closing is actually the best part for me . because your leaving is a big surprise but otherwise don't know why nor where you went from here .. so i am hooked to read more in your "rip my heart.." piece .. which i intend to do man~ana ;)
E.

[sedulous_mind]

Thank you for your review. You're right, it's less meant for others and more like a diary entry. Here it is easy to share one's story freely, as many share their suffering, painful events etc... even if often more hidden in the lines of a poem. Stories that one might not be able to share in real life. I think if you read my other story you will see this one in a whole different light. It may be completely uninteresting for many, but maybe one who had to experience something similar will see it. Thank you for taking the time to read it :)

[Einstein Noodle]

i agree .. i think a great deal of my life is scattered on these rather safe streets of the Cafe' .. in my poetry and my reviews ... i think when we share something "confessional" it puts it on shaky ground so to speak .. but their strength is in the honest vulnerability ... more apt to draw greater empathy and respect for the piece .. i mean .. it someone says .. look ,, i'm bleeding .. and we look and there is blood .. we go get a band aide right ..or want to help somehow .. headed to read the next one now ;)