Reminiscent

Back to my ramblings, I guess I will reserve judgement until I hear what people have to say

I close my eyes and take a breath.
The air tastes stale, it has lost its flavor

I open my eyes and look around.
The sky is dull,
It has lost its color

I smell the wilted flowers but all I smell is dust
-Remnants of a world I used to know

And so I sit down and think of memories of a better time
They are vivid,
Full of the life I lost in them


I remember her- the way her smile use to make my whole world shine
Her tears tore straight through my heart.

I remember how funny she found it that I would use my pencils until they were barely stubs
And then I would use them some more.
--I never could let go of things, especially people I care about...
I gave her one though, she kept it until the summer and then got rid of her supplies
-The same time she was rid of me

I remember the time she gave me a rubber band .
It was "perfect elasticity"
For me though it was another symbol of her perfection
-I still wear it to this day

I feel the pain of these memories everyday
Whilst I wait until these images will fade
-leaving behind only a trail of fondness.
Until then I simply reminisce some more.

I remember the way back from our team trip.
She laid her head and rested on my shoulder
Fell asleep, trusting me to keep her safe.
She would deny that she even fell asleep but I cannot forget the one time she really trusted me.
-That lack of trust is what made me question our friendship more than anything...


From my thoughts I have learned the bitter truths of life:
The cost of existence is pain,
The cost of happy memories is loss,
And the cost of awareness-
As pleasant as it may sound to those who lack it-
-- Is wisdom


Yet I will never stop fighting for the day of freedom
The day when I can cast off the shackles of my self doubt
When the pain fades and only gain takes the place of loss

I try to find flavor in a world long gone bitter
To see colors in a dull and uninhabitable world
I long for the powerful fragrances brought by joy and kindness.

I look for the memories of better times
But already they are becoming...
---Faded ghosts of a once bright future.

Author's Note

I love constructive criticism, just keep it honest

Reviews

[William Liston]

I loved the emotion put into this piece; it was heartfelt and relatable. I especially loved the sixth and seventh stanzas because of how specific they were. It's funny how we seem to treasure objects and moments that seem trivial ... in your case, the "stubbed pencils" and "rubber band" examples made this piece feel genuine. I don't think this was your intention, but I liked the subtle contrast between the two objects, with the rubber band representing her perfection and the stubbed pencils representing your lack thereof. I also like how the symbolism conveys an underlying theme of simplicity. Overall, nicely penned.

- William Liston

[Darian B.]

Yeah I never thought of it in that way before but I do like that contrast because thats exactly how I feel about it. Thank you William, I always love to hear your thoughts on my works. I appreciate everything you have done for me as a friend and as a fellow writer

[Black Jess]

who could possibly criticize this master-piece ??!
I love every word , every idea in it . it remainds me of the good old days ! How everything seems so easy ,so beautiful , and then with time , all the things that kept us alive fade away slowly !!! Once more, and after a long time , you wrote beauty . from now on , i start to believe that beauty can't be just seen , it can also be brought and written by words , it can be felt ! I expect that there is still more great achievement coming out from you ! Keep going the good job

[Darian B.]

Well I dont know if I would call this poem a master piece but I definitely appreciate the complement :) I have learned that the trick about beauty is too often people look for it in specific places but miss everything beautiful around them. Beauty permeates with everyone and everything in its own way. Thank you Jess

[Addict With a Pen]

So much emotion in this piece, it breaks my heart just reading it.
I like the theme throughout this of "Lost flavor" in the things you see around you. I also liked in the six stanza, how you put a little humor in there. Makes it more personal, which in the end makes the reader feel more affected by the piece.
The title of this poem is perfect. It coincides with the whole "in the past" theme, and also ties everything together with the ghosts you mentioned in the last stanza.
What really brings it together for me, is how you tie in her thoughts and emotions to make it all seem like a storyline that slowly winding down to the finale. The way you put in small lines of foreshadow that suggested in the end that she was no longer with you. How she never placed her trust, or how she "got rid of you" along with her stubby pencils. For me, I think that's the strongest part of this poem. It becomes the past and the present all in one. How, "now" you've opened your eyes, and could see all the small hints in the past that suggested the outcome of the relationship.
I really, really liked this piece. It seems so full of raw emotion, and true heartbreak. The way you put this into words is mind blowing, and you wrote this incredibly well.

[Darian B.]

Thanks Addict, Im really glad you liked. I always try to convey my feelings in my writing so to hear that you felt it as I did means a lot