Colored Bubbles

 

shadows falling lightly,

shaded memories

forgotten times and places,

of lonely use to be’s

 

painted glass of vagueness.

whispers of love lost

weighing in the reasons,

what if's, and final cost

 

amber sunbeams shining,

of remnants left today,

like colored bubbles in my mind,

I could not make them stay

 

breezes through the corridors,

of what was once my life

echo haunting melodies,

patterned by my strife

 

sheltered though I've tried to stay,

forgotten thoughts unclear

for was it only yesterday?

one moment for each year

 

©  bj Smith

Aka shallimarRose

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more shallimarRose Poetry titles visit my table of contents in my blog...

 

Bits of Me...Table of Contents by title...

 

 

 

Author's Note

be kind. thanks for reading. xo

Reviews

[Aethereal]

This poem has a sing song cadence, and an ancient message. The most important events in life are those strong enough to penetrate the fog of the past so as to influence our present moment thus making it a happier experience than it would otherwise have been. Sometimes its a good thing to forget something that may be experienced again as if it were for the first time. In the two lines:

"Amber sunbeams shining ...
forgotten thoughts unclear"

Perhaps: ( though what you have is perfectly acceptable.)

Sunbeams bright as amber,

Sheltered though I've tired to stay
with thoughts now less than clear,

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for your suggestions.. I am always open to critique in review.. however I do not think I would change these lines.. I think perhaps it is in the way it is read sometimes that makes it flow easier for some... The thoughts are forgotten, that was the point of the message..

thank you for coming to read.. xo shallimarRose

[Aethereal]

It does seem to flow better the way that you have written it than it would with changes that I have suggested. I did say that the way that you wrote it is perfectly acceptable to me. It's just that we don't talk like that using normal speech. My poems tend to stick with normal speech patterns. Poetic language is different from normal speech at times, this switch from normal speech patterns is a convention that many of the greatest poets of the past have followed.

[shallimarRose]

OH lol... Well I am so old I still talk like that lol... jk... Poetry especially rhyme comes pretty easy to me.. I am more of a lyrical writer so I use a lot of poetic preference in my choice of wording.. Though for the past two years I have been trying to do more free verse.. You may even come across some old world style ... I was not at all offended by your suggestions.. thank you again for reading.. xoxo

[Aethereal]

I'll just ignore your use of poetic preference from now on since most poets use it. I'm more of a lyrical writer too. Most of my poems may be sung. I also tend to stick with a stable syllable count within my lines with accents falling where they should according to meter. Meter isn't always necessary to achieve cadence. I think that free verse is better if it has a cadence.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you... I am also a singer(well was in the seventies) Most of mine can also be sung.. You are not the first to comment on syllabic form. Not all rhyme and metre depend on exact syllable counts and stress points as you are well aware im sure.. I also use a lot of the hemistitch poetry style in my lines.. I will come to your page and read. thank you again for reading and the comments. shallimar

[Loren R Love]

I like the phrasing and rhyme resulting in a wonderful descriptive almost melodic recollection through the past. Enjoyed it. I don't like to rate pieces but this was one of the best I've read on here for awhile.

[shallimarRose]

Hello and thank you.. Rate pieces? Well I write a lot of them, lol..
but also free verse and other things. Thank you for coming to read and comment Loren. shallimarRose

[kublakhan27]

I've been trying to touch base with some of the writers I've been wanting to read for a while but never had the time...you are one of them :) I love the form and rhythm, which is flawless...but as with most poetry, it's the emotions that truly jump out at me...I read it as a mournful and helpless submission to age and time's unforgiving ways, which the images compliment seamlessly...great piece in every way :)

[shallimarRose]

Thank you very much. Yes ageing is unforgiving... I have been having trouble getting to read because my wifi is unstable almost two weeks now. They just gave me a new motom.. Will dk on you soon. xo

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :) I know the feeling...I need a new one myself and I'm hoping to get it this weekend cuz I can hardly do anything online :P xo

[jacob erin-cilberto]

magnificent write...such phrasing...

yes, the bubbles don't last too long...they burst and we are left with memories which sometimes are blurred visions of what might have been.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jacob for reading.. I consider your praise high.. xoxo

[ba_mcfarlane]

"breezes through the corridors,
of what was once my life"
Such a heart rending phrase...lovely in its sadness.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Brian.. I appreciate your stopping to read. xo

[ba_mcfarlane]

as always, the pleasure is mine....I find beauty every time I read you.