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The New Dream

The New Dream

A Story by ShaneBerry

i believe this is the final dream of her i will have for a while...i don't know if i hope this...or if it is just so...

The Final Dream Of Her
standing on a cliff side, sunset looking out at the ocean, she is standing closer to the edge than i.
a gust of wind blows as i ask,
"hey, Alexa, were is the most beautiful place in Hawaii?"
she laughs lightly, then walks over to me, her cat like physique taunting my dreaming mind.
"Papohaku Beach, west of Molokai. why do you ask?" she answers.
i again look out to the ocean.
"i don't agree." i said, very formally.
she then walks over and leans against me softly.
"where do you think the most beautiful place in Hawaii is?" she asked softly.
i turn my head to look at her eyes, 
"Hazel," i said.
"what?" she asks confused.
"here, this is the most beautiful place, the most beautiful time,but only if you are here." i said turning to her, i try to hold her but as i do she turns to dust, i fall into my steps. 
i look out to the ocean now alone, and i feel that this is a hateful, redundant place to stand...
as the ocean hits the sand it creates the same hazel color that was hiding in her eyes.

but now i cannot see them, nor can i bare to think...
not gone from this world but gone from me, borders and cities and states away, i listen to a jazzy tune, a Jupiter jazz that lets me think of her without remorse or regret..
a rhythmic saxophone tune 

i look at the moon and know that she could be looking at the same one too.. 

© 2010 ShaneBerry

Author's Note

i believe this is the final dream of her i will have for a while...i don't know if i hope this...or if it is just so...

My Review

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I liked the idea of it but your grammar errors and sentence structure really took away from it. I would fix these things and send me a read request again.

Posted 9 Years Ago

good write .. very beautiful

Posted 9 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great write. The imagery is telling and very well thought out. I particularly like the way you transformed a romantic encounter to one of loss to melancholy in such a short verse. Great job.

Posted 9 Years Ago

This strangely reminds me of Cowboy Bebop at the end. I love the way you describe her becoming sand; the words flow nicely together and i was able to image the sudden change like I was there. I'm curious to see what will happen next if she should appear again. dreams are kinda fickle though

Posted 9 Years Ago

I love this story because I totally get the message. The idea of letting go of the regret he feels for letting the woman he loves leave his life, while still holding onto that love, and all because of a dream. As others have said, the whole thing had a very dreamlike quality, while conveying the feelings he has for this woman. Very good write.

Posted 9 Years Ago

This did have a dreamy feel to it. Short but interesting. Nice work.

Posted 9 Years Ago

You've written this in a very dreamy style. There's quite an abstract feel to it created by the focus on the conversation rather than what's happening around the two characters. I think that's why this works so well, the message you're putting across is that it's not where you are but who you're with that makes a place great. The only slight weakness I'd say I could find here is the final line which is a bit of a cliche - I think your own musical images provide a suitable finish on their own without adding anything more.

Posted 9 Years Ago

This is a beautiful and peaceful story. I agree with the poem. Most beautiful place is to be able to look into the eyes of a woman with the sea and the sky in them. I like the complete story. You create a beautiful place and very good dream. A outstanding poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Interesting write.

Posted 9 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this!
Great dialogue, a moving story, heartfelt!
Lovely work

Posted 9 Years Ago

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16 Reviews
Added on July 27, 2010
Last Updated on July 29, 2010
Tags: life, death, freinds, biology, love, hate, deseption, scared, hide, run, fight, stay, earth, world, peace, .



denton, TX

My Chemical Romance “The Ghost of You” Name: Shane Douglas Berry Age: Born on 8/4/1992 Hair color: Brown Eye color: Green Skin color: White, Freckled Tattoos: Oroborus (red, center.. more..

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