Prologue

Several police jeep makes their way towards the run-down abandoned factory located in the Shyamal Valley. Meanwhile, a boy is walking towards a limping man with a butcher knife in his hand. His face is expressionless as if currently his soul has left the subconscious activities to his anger-ridden brain. The old man is a famous tycoon earning from several franchises and a major proportion of them gets him the maximum profit. His cocaine and LSDs are famous throughout Goa and a good market for them is Mumbai too. The fear made the old man’s wrinkles uglier although his goatee shaped beard shaped his personality �" a man whose one look may make children wet their pants. The boy, his soft subtle showing that he’s not more than 17, kneels down and stabs the old man on his thighs. Police jeeps are just half-a-mile away.

“This can still be solved peacefully” says the old man with bold but pitiful voice showing he isn’t afraid but he knows his fate from the deepest corner of his heart. Only god can save me now he thinks but it’s like asking a Sheep for his wool whose lambs I have butchered time-to-time. The boy rotates the knife in clockwise motion and the old man screams in agony.

“Arriving at the point. Can the person who called be contacted” the policeman asks in his walkie-talkie.

“Nope. We tried. No response”

“S**t!”

The boy face is now grinning with a satanic smile, the devil himself laughing through his face.

“If you want to kill me…kill me fast” the old man says still in pain that if he somehow survives will take him one whole month to sooth.

“It was you I think who used to tell never kill your enemy swiftly. Give them so much pain that even their spirits will get too terrified to haunt you.”

“F**K YOU! M**********R! BAST…”

The old man is stabbed again in his other thigh with a more intense force and the knife is rotated now counter clockwise. Several men lay in all corners of the room. DEAD!. But none of them is so covered with blood as this old man. The boy gets up while the old man is still crying trying to caress his legs with his hand.  He takes one canister of the kerosene oil from the wooden shelf that houses several more of them. He pours the kerosene in every corner and fills the tiles with it and approaches the door and can clearly see ten or so policeman rushing towards him. Taking the lighter from the back pocket he gives a sadistic smile and throws it back. AHHHHHH!  The old man’s echoes reach the policemen’s ear that makes them stop and point their handgun at the boy. The one at back rushes to call the ambulance still believing although it is still a waste of them to come here. The boy is dragged by his collar and thrown in the back of one of the Jeeps.

“Report. The people inside the factory are presumably dead. We have apprehended the culprit. He is an underage boy.”

The policemen inside the jeep carrying the boy are mad at him. He doesn’t know what he has done. The major portion of their lavish lifestyle was due to the bribes given by the old man �" Vikas Patildar who was a well-known industrialist in Day and one of the most feared Gangsters at night. As the boy is thrown inside the cell, he looks back, a little frightened at the Hawaldar carrying the well-oiled cane. The fear he feels, hasn’t been felt by him since the day he saw the murder and rape of his mother.

Reviews

[Nariko]

This prologue got intense real fast

[¿]

It takes a cartload of guts to write something that gives goosebumps....and you did that!
Honestly this heart was terrified while reading this and mostly I avoid reading bout murder...but when at the last you disclosed the motive which was easy for a reader to catch made me smell the agony of revenge....tis a good start of your book....don't keep up...keep it highest! :)

[barleygirl]

Your storyline includes interesting details & it's framed as a compelling & suspenseful scene. Even tho your story is well-crafted, there are some places where I felt something missing. To begin, you do not describe the physical surroundings where the boy & man are, so it's not clear until much later that this is happening in one of the old guy's factories, I guess? If you're going to switch back and forth between the police pursuit and the stabbing scene, it would be clearer if you spent more time on the police pursuit. You only mention the police in a few short lines, mixed in with many other lines from the stabling scene, so this back-and-forth ends up being mixed up together, instead of being clearly delineated as two different scenes. All thru the story, I assume the boy is stabbing the old man, but then at the end, the boy does not know what he has done wrong. This does not feel authentic. Also, I feel your story could feel more personable if you used more dialogue. The way it is, your characters feel suspended in mostly silence, not interacting with each other very much. I feel more dialogue could strengthen the sensation of their struggle. Your writing is naturally good & I'm only telling you about the things that could be improved (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie