Chapter 1- Tess

A peek in the past

I knew I needed to change the moment I lost my best friend. Correction, my only friend. You can’t be choosy when you the ugly fat loser in school.

It was the summer before ninth grade; I was beyond excited to spend the summer with Gina, my best friend. We had been through hell and back; since kindergarten we were inseparable. You know that one person who is always there for you, no matter what? That was Gina. I knew it was hard being friends with me, I had a difficult personality. When you’re overweight, a sparkling personality means nothing. Zilch. Nada. So, I decided to be a b***h. To everyone. Great coping mechanism for social ostracizing, I know.

Gina had invited me on our annual Hunter’s Lake trip to her family’s house in northern New Hampshire. It was a tiny lake with a gorgeous lake house her family rented year after year for the first two weeks of June to kick of the summer. I loved going; it was like my escape from the horrid town a called home. It was the last day, and we were sitting on the dock slurping slushies. I remember having blue raspberry, and being self-conscious about my tongue turning blue.

“We need to talk.” Gina had said abruptly.

I stopped in mid slurp. I had staring out at the beautiful sunset on the lake, day dreaming. Her voice brought me to reality.

“About what?”

“You and me.” she replied looking down at her cherry red slush.
            I sat silently, unsure of what she was referring to.

“What do you mean?”
            She cleared her throat but she didn’t dare to look me in the eyes.

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

I nearly choked on my straw. Sputtering, I dropped the slushy on the dock. She briefly looked at me with concern in her eyes.

“Are you ok?”

“What do you mean you don’t think we should be friends anymore?” I countered wiping the excess slush that had dripped down my chin. Her eyes darted away once more. I was met with a reply of silence.

“Gina, answer me! What the hell are you talking about?”

“High school.” she whispered, barely audible.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything!” she shouts. Tears leak out of her eyes. I stare at her, my expression was pure shock from her unexpected outburst.

“High school is when it matters Tess, and you don’t seem to care. I’ve been a good friend to you for a long time, but lately all you seem to want to do is be a jerk to everyone. You’re alienating people, and I’m tired of being excluded by everyone because of you!”
            “I don’t alienate anyone who hasn’t alienate me first.” I argued back. My stomach was starting churn and I felt like I was going to throw up right there and then.

“That’s the thing; no alienated you. Ever. You were nasty to people who tried giving you a chance! You never got to know anyone besides me; you’ve always been dependant on me.”

“Why would I need anyone else? You’re my best friend G.” I said softly, my voice cracking. I feel my throat tighten and my eyes sting. Tears threatened to fall.

“Well have you ever thought maybe I wanted more than one friend? I don’t want only one friend in my four years of high school. I want to do something!” she replied irritably as if I was a toddler too dumb to comprehend what she was saying.

I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. I desperately tried to find a way to project the blame on her.

“This is because I’m fat isn’t it?” I accuse my voice level rising.

“This has nothing to do with that and you know it.” she retorts. She stubbornly refused to take the guilt-trip I tried to throw at her.

I climbed to my feet. I stared at my new size fourteen jeans that already felt like they had to become too tight. My insecurities were in the open for everyone to see. But I attempted to hide them. I pasted a sneer on my face that hoped would be convincing.

“I knew you always wanted a skinny popular friend.”

And that’s when she exploded.

“It was never about your weight or a popularity status. It has always been about me. IT”S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. The sneer was wiped off my face and replaced when another stunned expression. There was nothing left for me to say.

She took a breath and regained her composure. Looking me dead in the eyes, she said, “I’m sorry it had to end this way, I hope you can forgive me. But first, you need to forgive yourself.”

With that, she walked away. She left me there alone, my only friend was gone. I called my mom to get me, and as I walked numbly from the docks, I emptied my stomach into the water below. As I stood there, hunched over, I vowed to myself come freshmen year in the fall, I would be different. No more of the fat ugly loser with acne and social issues. I would become a new me, and Gina would be sorry she ever left me alone.

Author's Note

review please!!!

Reviews

[beautiful dreamer]

oh god cc this so made me cry...its like not how it happened not why itvhappenef but you know this happened to me. its good its really good. continue it

[C.C. Marx]

It's been a long time, maybe I will get back to it someday

[jadda12]

I think your dialogue is really strong. It flows well and keeps the story moving. The only thing I might add is just more details and description of a specific time Gina really needed her or was ignored. It is good though. I like it.

[C.C. Marx]

Thanks for the review, haven't really looked at this lately that's for the advice :)