In The Dead of Night

In The Dead of Night

A Story by Sunflower 20

It was an evening like no other. The breeze rustled the leaves of the ancient trees as they shared their secrets. The night reflected nothing of the past events that it had witnessed… the moon was out, casting a sliver light everywhere.  Dawn was the only saviour now…

  Figures began murmuring amongst each other as the intruders approached.

“Who are you?” a stern voice asked. Everything was silent as the companions looked around deciding whether or not they should answer.

“The power of one” said he who was not afraid. The crowd of onlookers gasped and suddenly they drew back like an invisible energy field had hit them. It affected them all, except one. He stood tall and slim in his long black cloak the hood lay resting on his head as his soft voice shrilled the air. He spoke in a harsh whisper of some other foreign language. Suddenly he thrust his arms into the air, the sleeve falling back, revealing deathly white forearms. The man’s voice grew louder until it was almost unbearable to hear. Then the voice became many as the onlookers joined in this strange phenomenon.  The three that call them-selves “the power of one” stood in astonishment.

What is this? Luke asked himself, as he lay hidden in the bushes. He had been taking a break from the fast paced life of New York City when he heard a strange noise and decided to explore. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought of finding this. At that moment, a burst of light illuminated the sky. It lasted less then one second but Luke’s fast eyes took in the strange scene, and the malicious smile on the man standing above the three companions. Everyone at this gathering wore long black cloaks making them almost invisible in the shadows of central park. Luke had a bad feeling about this.

Then he knew why. The chanting stopped. The man in the centre slowly started to sway. His calm voice started to say something along the lines of:

“elaverp ton llahs htaed ot” he repeated this line over and over. Until finally the power had no more than to bow down and surrender in defeat. And so they did. Not knowing that by committing these actions that they would be changing the course of Earth as we know it…

Time stood still. Luke watched in horrified silence but he could not look away. These strange people were evil. Then he saw the knife…saw it being raised…ready to strike…

“Wait!” he shouted. All eyes turned on him, they were blazing with fury. How could he stop them at such a crucial point? Then he ran, faster than he had ever dared. But he didn’t get far before his ears were filled with that familiar shrilled voice.

“After him!” the voice barked.         

 

© 2011 Sunflower 20


Author's Note

Sunflower 20
I wrote this on a spur of the moment idea, then I forgot about it until now. So I was just wondering what you guys thought about it.
Should I continue writing it?

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Reviews

you should contiue writing, really well done

Posted 7 Years Ago


Ahhh! What happens next! I was really into your story, very good I must say. It would only be a positive thing if you add more to it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I liked it a lot. You should most definately keep writing it. You can't jus leave me hanging. What happens? I really want to know1!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Amazing write!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I really like what you have so far, the buildup of tension is great, and left me with lots of questions, wondering who they are, what they are up to, and whether or not they will catch Luke. I hope that you decide to continue this story, I think it's a great start and I would definitely enjoy seeing where it goes.

Posted 8 Years Ago


it is hard to see where this is going or what it will do, I would love for you to keep going with it, the plot is think and the descriptions take me right to the center of the story, it is a bit confusing though as to why this group is in central park, the opening makes it seem like they are in ancient or medieval times not modern day, maybe open the story with the main character (Luke) hiding behind the bushes, and establish right away that they are in central park so the reader knows where it is but the mystery still remains as to why is this group here, why are they after Luke? things like that. All in all very good story I am sure you could make it into a good book, very good cliffhanger laves the reeder wanting more!

Posted 8 Years Ago


yes. you should. I think you need more explaining to do, more details to fill in this one. This one obviously has been very intriguing and I enjoyed the introduction where you built the atmosphere very well. I am a bit confused right now at the level of info you have provided. I really feel you should sit and work this out. It will be a great story, I promise you..So far, good going !!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


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A
Yes please! :D
I hope you'll continue it, it's good
and it's such a waste to leave it at this
hope you'll let us know what happens next :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


I think you should. I'm interested to see where this is going and what will happen to Luke now that his curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on March 1, 2011
Last Updated on March 1, 2011
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Author

Sunflower 20
Sunflower 20

Melbourne, Australia



About
I'm a 15 year old young writer who absolutely loves reading and writing. My stories have been praised by teachers, friends and family but I would really like someone to critically edit and give me fee.. more..

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