Dear Ex-Best Friend

A Chapter by selenafrancis

ranting/releasing

Dear Ex- Best Friend,

I wish I could say that I have nothing to say to you and that you don't mean anything to me but that sad truth is; you still effect me. There is so much of my personality that is impacted by my friendships, past or current, and I know I have a few past friendships that have not just damaged my thought process in a friendship but has increasingly made me guard myself. When i say "guard myself", I mean in the sense that I am not an open book anymore. I am not willing to go the extra mile for people anymore. I am not focused on a mutual happiness in the friendship, rather my personal happiness, making sure I am the first priority. I was personally victimized by Regina George. Yes, I know, "HAHA", I am not simply referencing the very popular Mean Girls movie. I am making a statement.

"Ex-Best Friend" in question...you are my Regina George. YOU are the reason I am like this. I was once a very social and open human. Personally I think I was nice to everyone unless they gave me reason not to be. I would jump in conversations. I would put myself in a position where I could make friends and possibly friends that would be there for a long time."Regina" is what i am calling you, I will keep the name anonymous because, well, you don't even deserve the mention.

I want you to know that the way you portrayed yourself in the beginning of the friendship, wow, you were one of the most exciting, fun, and outgoing people that I had personally identified with after my big move from Las Vegas, Nevada to Reno, Nevada. I moved in the last semester of my senior year of high school and I started it with NO FRIENDS! You were the first person to approach me, introduce themselves, and say "Hi!" For someone of age 17-18, still in the awkward stage, not really knowing anyone at all, in not just a foreign school but a foreign town, this meant the world to me! I am from Las Vegas, so I am used to the outgoing people and the immediate friendships. I found my immediate friendship with you! Not just that but you introduced me to so many other people that helped me form my way in this new world. You were someone who had almost matching personalities with myself. (or so I thought...). I genuinely had a great time being your friend. We went to get coffee together, we studied together, we even would text each other asking if you wanted to come over just to take a nap together!!! My mind was blown away with our bond. I was so elated with you and me, and our alike-ness. We had a bunch of classes together. We saw each other all the time. We would not just hang out in classes, but at lunch and, on our off days. As i said earlier, we would nap together for the sake of napping with a friend.

Slowly you became more distant. Slowly you started postponing hanging out with me. Slowly you would stop answering my text messages and my calls. I even asked your mom if you were mad at me..! I became very sad because even though you had introduced me to other people, I really didn't have a strong bond with anyone else my age. You gave me no explanation. Finally when I tried talking to you about it in an adult manner, you told me, and i will never forget this, "You are not my keeper, I can have other friends, I don't have to dedicate all of my time to you! God, why are you so needy?" I thought and pondered over these words for awhile. I barely spoke for a week because I started thinking "what did I do?" I eventually found new friends but about a week later, you had a new "best friend". You had the same routine but with a different person.

A few months later, I began noticing a pattern with you. Every month or so, you had a new best friend. There was a different girl every few weeks that you had stepped up on this new balcony of friendship with perks and fun. Soon you let it diminish into nothing-ness and crude behavior, later moving on to a new victim. I say victim because you were treating people like disposable garbage that you were perfectly content with leaving in the cold dirt to rot until able to pick themselves back up again. I couldn't even believe the absolute disrespect. You as a woman of age 17-18 years old would do that!? You created almost like a break-up-esque type of pattern with your friends, essentially making them become attached and then cutting them loose just as they have become closer that ever with you. You are cruel. You are indecent. You are all around, mean.

Regina, you have strangled a persons innocent sense of wanting friendship for so long. Just in the semester that I was at the school, I saw you rotate through about SIX different girls. That is only what I was able to keep track of or physically see.

I only wish that one day you can stop this cruel joke you think is the apparent spinning cycle of friendship. I hope that you can learn to appreciate someone. Appreciate what they can offer you, how they can make you feel and most importantly, how YOU can help them socially progress in life.

Your disgusting behavior has ripple affected a few people including myself. You created so many crappy days for so many people. My personality, yes is affected. I am not bitter but I do hope that you have matured to stop this heartbreaking madness. I have just decided to tiptoe my way in a friendship. Secrets remain secrets until I feel comfortable and now my comfort level is less of what it was. Years have passed since your shenanigans, but that doesn't mean I, or anyone else you played your Homie Hopper: Best Friendship Edition game on, is any less affected...

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