La Lune

Trying to capture the sight of great beauty in words. Ha! Just messin' with ya!

In the time they call twilight

when the day asks forgivness from the night

I stand and wait for you to rise

await the love that is in your eyes

so bright

That precious hour when all is still

The lonely call of Whip-poor-will

The darkened east and orange lit west

stirs the heart within my chest

alight

The stars appear to create your church

I watch patiently from my ocean perch

The wind starts waves and sets them free

and then on the edge I watch the sea

ignite

Your white gold glory breaking free

lights the landscape by degree

until you shine full upon this land

and awestruck is this humble man

this night

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Nay, awestruck is THIS humble man! This is amazing. So solemn, sublime, spectacular! The rhythm moves easily with great musicality (Stanza 1 Line 2, and Stanza 3 Line 2 need just a bit of tweaking, for the syllable count - "forgiveness" makes the line a mouthful to get out in the rhythm you set - and word order - "watch patiently" would be musically better as "patiently watch" - affect the musicality). And the four disyllabic lines ending each stanza.....¡maravilloso! Well done!

[Robert Trakofler]

I think this is a lovely rendering of your witness written in a fine form and frame no kidding at all:) I enjoy the cadence and rhyme to it. Nice piece Mr Remeat and enjoy your peace

[@_av_poetry]

Beautiful poem. Can't find any flaws really. Your words create a magical atmosphere. Very good.

[Misterr Remeat]

Thank you very much!

[barleygirl]

Being on the cusp of a harvest moon, this poem is perfect! I love your fresh-sparking way of presenting the moon -- line 2 is brilliant! Being a moonchild, I've written about the moon quite a bit, but I've never conveyed such a level of awe & respect as you convey here, showing the moonrise as a highly-anticipated glory time. I also anticipate moonrises quite a bit like this! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Misterr Remeat]

I love to photograph the moon in all of it's phases.
I once lived at a ski resort in the Purcell mountains and loved when the full moon lit up all the snow covered peaks. Thanks!

[barleygirl]

Great share! *smile* Since I'm surrounded by wilderness, the full moon lights up the chaparrel on nearby ridges, which is prettier than this old dusty chaparrel in full sunlight!

[emmajoy]

' The wind starts waves and sets them free
and then on the edge I watch the sea
ignite '

What a beautiful sense of time and occasion your words have. Each stanza creates a new thought, a new emotion - gently, surreptitiously Plus, importantly for and to me, those final single words or phrase, adds a kind of magnitude. This is such fine writing..

[Misterr Remeat]

Thanks! Glad you liked it

[Krutika]

Captivating lines! I like the tone of this poem. It's peaceful and relaxing.
Each and every line enhances the poem beatifically. Just like the twilight turning to night.
😊

[Misterr Remeat]

Thank you very much! Stop by anytime!

[Tony Jordan]

I have seen many poets on here who write beautifully but don't want to appear that they were really trying M.R. - you fall into that category and you needn't (the 'just messing' line is disengenious imho)

I wouldnt say the stars appear to create the church - they do create it - in your mind so make it so in mines.

- try 'asks forgiveness of the night' - just for the aesthetic of that stanza with it's big sticky-out second line - but in saying that I love the line and the idea behind it.

-try using 'pon instead of upon - in the final stanza for flow.

I really really liked this. I'd like to have written it. It has wonderful imagery. Well done M.R.

[Misterr Remeat]

Thanks! The second line is what popped into my head, and the rest was written around that line. This is a first draft, and probably be updated eventually. thanks for the suggestions! Appreciate them. Cheers!

[Tony Jordan]

Wow - thanks for the insight. I love knowing how others write.
:)