Where I go to get away

pain in my head
stress in my shoulders
needing my bed
a feeling still smoulders
i'll sleep when i'm dead

meet at the station
look of recognition
music's our nation
now we're on a mission
seeking elation

no need to go there
friendship unspoken
we've been everywhere
trust won't be broken
tonight we don't care

get where we're going
light a cigarette
anticipation growing
i'm here to forget
what my face isn't showing

from the dark smoky stage
peels the first wave of sound
my soul is engaged
i want to be drowned
excorcise my rage

chords rip smoky air
and soon this becomes
a strange love affair
over lightening crash drums
it helps me repair

soon swept away by
songs that helped me survive
taking my lows up into a high
its called feeling alive
it is our war cry

Reviews

[O!]

Ooooooooooo....i love it!! :-).......I think u did a GREAT job!! :-)...i still see alot of the 'other' element in it...but i love how u tell ppl how Live Music makes u feel.......it takes u away from the horrids for a while........and isnt that a great Break?! :-).....

ur rhyme in particular was fabulous....love how u do that!! :-)...

These are the stanza's which i really love :-) ...ill tell u why :-)

pain in my head
stress in my shoulders
needing my bed
a feeling still smoulders
i'll sleep when i'm dead

- this reflects the hard day at work and the stress from everyday life which actually wants u to sleep and drown away all ur pain...but u dont do that..instead u choose ur hobby, which comes up next :-)

get where we're going
light a cigarette
anticipation growing
i'm here to forget
what my face isn't showing

- the line....im here to forget what my face isnt showing.....WOW!!!.....u take it with u..its so deep....ure hiding what ure really feeling....but still decide to go out!!...and u anticipate...which is a good sign :-)

from the dark smoky stage
peels the first wave of sound
my soul is engaged
i want to be drowned
excorcise my rage

- u enjoy and at the same time vent at ur event!!....great!

chords rip smoky air
and soon this becomes
a strange love affair
over lightening crash drums
it helps me repair

- it helps u repair.....yes..this strange love affair...does that to ur strange love affair...was touched here deeply

soon swept away by
songs that helped me survive
taking my lows up into a high
its called feeling alive
it is our war cry

- love the war cry! :-)

superb job!!.....YAY YAY YAY!!...u did it! :-).....

btw...i didnt know what gigs were till u told me so......gigs to me are lil band practises...but u go for the band in live action!! :-)

am proud of u!!

x,
O!

[.]

This is a great write to convey how music keeps you alive
Great job
~Kavish~

[Adam Jordan Turner]

This is very nice, I like it! Good write.

[C.m.v]

This is really really good! I love it!

[The Ever-present State ..]

So, I've read a lot of your stuff so far, and I like it, but I'm not going to review it b/c I only review poetry and fiction and these aren't poems. I couldn't say why at first until I read this one and realized that you're not doing poems, you're doing song lyrics. I think your stuff's awesome ("music's our nation" BRILLIANT!), but I don't want to read it, I want to hear it. Pick up a guitar, record and find a way to post it. That would be cool.
P.S. Great playlist on your homepage. I don't know anybody here who still listens to the Eels.

[Tai Chi Italy]

I love the place you go Jon! perfect cry, I can almost feel the waves peeling in this. Music is such a gift for life. Thanks for sharing, ripping it up, Tai

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

i'm here to forget
what my face isn't showing

A telling line..

I love music and you perfectly descbibed the feelings of going to shows or gigs..


soon swept away by
songs that helped me survive
taking my lows up into a high
its called feeling alive
it is our war cry

Music sure does help one survive.. great poem!

Chloe
xoxo

[Ebby]

The rhythm of your meter echoing the music beat, the tempo reflecting speeding notes, this is almost onomatopoeic, yet easily showing the process that happens to you when you attend a gig.
Cleverly done.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Like O, i think it's good how your introductory stanza tells of the negative stuff you'd like to ecape from...leading onto the escapes (i.e. gigs).

Your rhyming is pretty good,
e.g. this stanza:
"from the dark smoky stage
peels the first wave of sound
my soul is engaged
i want to be drowned
excorcise my rage".

It seems like you're talking more of concerts than of what i've always thought of as gigs (small unknown bands - sometimes bands on the rise - in small venues like pubs) -
"soon swept away by
songs that helped me survive" - these lines give the impression that you're paying tribute to bands whose music you've owned for some time.

I like some of your imagery, like the stuff within this:
"chords rip smoky air
and soon this becomes
a strange love affair
over lightening crash drums
it helps me repair".

Nice work.
Thanks for posting it (and thanks to O for suggesting i check it out).

p.s. "excorcise" (exorcise)