Vicious Circles

This shadow that sits behind me -
i can sense its presence -
keeping me calm so's not to
protest
Quietly insisting that it knows best
Picks up my arm at the wrist and
reaches for another spliff but
the other arm hasn't missed
the beer that sits to my left
which had previously seemed bereft
now is feeding me
quenching my thirst,
still calming
ignoring the time that flitters
away
ever near a new working day

"you'll pay"
you hear it say   ?
but within the liquid
whispers you forget what was
said but still.

can't remember why you feel dread

you will.

Reviews

[Aron Duhon]

The opening line is very good, because the �shadow� is a well known and forceful image, and fits exactly with the thing that you are trying to describe.

The rest of the poem is good as well, and the metaphor of the shadow functions exactly as it is suppose to,

The addictive process is well described

I like the use of the word �flitters� , that�s a good verb and I would not have thought of it myself, well placed.

The last line is forceful as well, and leaves the reader (me) with a abrupt coldness . I liked the way you did that, and there is a hint of dark irony also that appeals to me.

Anyway, good job

[Kimberly Smith]

love it dude..nice nice nice nice

[Jessica M.]

you forget but you remember.
the truth of drinking.
truthful poem.

[hello emilee]

Outstanding. That's all I can say.

[Adam Jordan Turner]

Well this is the story of my life. I love this a lot, I can relate to this very much. It is a struggle...sometimes ;-)

[L.G. Knight]

Good work.... Kind of makes you wonder what the doom is...

~Frances~

[TamiViolet i can't log..]

Wow, Jon. Struggles with the mind that reach deep into the streamingly endless layers of our subconscious. I feel the intensity of this piece.

"you'll pay"
you hear it say ?
but within the liquid
whispers you forget what was said,
but still.

So haunting, but oh ~ inviting. Exceptional work. Wildly passionate. Love, Tami xxx

[Siren]

i iked it, it has a coution and warning message, beautifuly written, you cant help yourself, some drink to rid the pain till it take control and haunts you, your found addiction. same goes with smoking, till i needed it to keep me company, then i realised it had to stop. a difficult challenge but a kings victory

[Natalie C]

Yes that truly is one vicious circle. Loved this poem Jon, it has such a dark eerie feel to it. Just the way I like them :D

Great metaphor using the shadows as a reference to one's subconscious�s daily struggle when the devil plays, sick tiresome games.

This shadow that sits behind me -
i can sense its presence -
keeping me calm so's not to
protest
Quietly insisting that it knows best

Simply amazing!

[|:x: Butterfly :x:|]

yea.... drinking does that to you.

[Ebby]

This shadow that sits behind me - Concience, the devil within? enigmatic.
i can sense its presence - nice sibillance, cools the reader down, slows us.
keeping me calm so's not to
protest - a dulling of consciousness, a seperation from reality perhaps?
Quietly insisting that it knows best - parental, brainwashing or nurturing?
Picks up my arm at the wrist and - puppetry, narrator is accepting, childlike.
reaches for another spliff but
the other arm hasn't missed - a rhythm of sorts picks up here.
the beer that sits to my left - so the spliff is the right hand man, the main player.
which had previously seemed bereft
now is feeding me - subserviant to outside stimuli.
quenching my thirst,
still calming
ignoring the time that flitters
away
ever near a new working day - a marring of time, the slow-motion, falling backwards through honety feel that numbs so sweetly, yet deceptively.

"you'll pay"
you hear it say ? - Question mark shows detachment from environment.
but within the liquid
whispers you forget what was said,
but still. - But still, who cares, the now is the pearl.

can't remember why you feel dread

you will.

This, although easily accessible, leads a reader to wonder why the feeling of dread exists, what is is that is beeing forgotten. It is interesting to ponder.

Kind regards.