What went wrong (a fictional tale)

just something

The deceptions bend down the cascade as you whisper softly into my lonely iris 

Then your pain stumbles out from verb to reality, in action across my face painting and highlighting the destructive emotion of your fingers 

Loosened from your desire as you've released the sincerity of your heart 

Now come to grips again from the flying of your words waltzing through the air until I process my foolishness

Am I tired of the grins I shared on Sunday mornings as I see clouds fly pass as the the sky exhales? 

One two three 

One two three 

The field used to barely contain us as our spiraling from corner to corner in 

One two three 

One two three 

We danced; now I can only feel the pulse of the beat across my numbed cheek, blushing, I'm sure, from your exposed emotion and gesture. 

What began as a whisper exploded into my nerves to decipher your not so coded expression of sadness and fear 

Now let's forget the pain as we're both numb in different parts of our being   

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the strong description in the poem. If you broke the lines up. Would make the poem easier to read. A lot of thoughts and questions create by this poem.
"What began as a whisper exploded into my nerves to decipher your not so coded expression of sadness and fear. "
Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Astro MacGuffin]

It seems the strongest point in this poem was the Gordian knot of two peoples' romantic feelings, struggling to settle in the midst of anxious, fitful emotions. However, I'm not sure whether she's slapping you because you went to church, cheated on her, etc.

To expand on Coyote Poetry's comment about breaking up lines, I think this poem would greatly benefit from a more easily grasped meter; not necessarily a consistent meter as that might harm the Gordian knot portrayal, but I didn't get a sense of syllabic flow to attach to any emotion.