Turn

A conversation between me and my conscience. I had written it the night before a Chemistry exam (Don't bother asking how I went in it. Lol) so as to both experience and capture the feelings of being pressurised.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

BOOM goes the clock.

Before you know it

Your time has run out.

Waiting, hoping,

Dreaming, screaming, wanting to shout.

I know I'm not good enough.

"So why did you do it?"

Because I'm an idiot!

Stupid, Selfish,

Painful...Drama.

If only I could

Turn

The timer around

To the place where sense was found.

"Sense?" Jim tells me. "Pfft, you lack it."

In the hollow knowledge

Of my genetics.

 

Why couldn't life be

SIMPLE ("You already are!")

Taking the teachings you were born to do

Instead of screaming

BLUE MURDER

Of how life was cruel to you

"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."

Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

...

...

...

Like surgery in one's fragile soul,

Drawing details

Of Turning your pace.

 

 

 

Author's Note

In this poem, I talk to myself and have sarcastic arguments with my conscience, who takes the form of a cricket, representing Jimmeny Cricket from 'Pinnochio'. There are also some play on words, such as the last stanza: "Of Turning your pace." Over here, the word 'Turning', capitalised to show its importance, means two things. (1) turning, as in, literally turning your body around to face another direction, and (2) turning the hands of a clock backwards and going back in time, to where 'sense was found', i.e., where I made the mistake in the first place.
The poem talks about the possibility of my taking the wrong academic subjects, and that right now, as we speak, I am going on for the wrong profession.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

As did the rest of your reviewers, I also greatly enjoyed your piece. Having conversations with one's self is not uncommon. Now I'm sure everyone's inner struggles take on somewhat different forms. When I'm thinking things through, while generally there is definitely a "conversation" going on, it doesn't seem to me that there are two individuals talking even if contrary and opposing positions are being thought through. However the use of conversation to resolve positions has deep cultural roots in both Eastern and Western philosophy, certainly made famous in Plato's Socratic dialogues and the Eastern dharmic dialectics of the Mahabharata. So this type of thinking seems to be deep rooted into Man's being.

Regarding criticism of the poem, the only minor point I would raise is that if you want the nature of the parties holding the conversation in your head to be more well defined, I'd spend a few more words in painting them. The "cricket" nature of one of the speakers comes as a bit of a surprise and it would be better for the poem to make this clear rather than to rely on notes. (Even though I am a big believer in notes for poetry, I try to restrict the notes to explaning aspects of the poem that might need deeper familiarity with the material than would be expected of the general reader. For your audience here, most will be familiar with Jiminy Cricket. So only a few words are needed to set the stage.)

A very nice write. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[Dempsey Wilson (D.L. Wi..]

Wow! What a unique poem, and very well-written. This is perhaps the most unique piece of poetry I've come across in a while. Very good word usage. I really liked the part where you threaten to crap on Jimmeny. This is part of what makes this poem so unique and intriguing. Very nicely done, Kiwi!

[BrightEyes]

that ticking clock - someone smash the infernal thing already! lol. I remember college and those all night cram sessions - sure we were going to fail everything; trying to jam our brains with knowledge until they burst. Always, there lay the clock - the evil thing - working against us at every turn. Seems that much doesn't change - I still hate that damn clock lol

[Aspiring Angel]

The tick tock of the clock, especially in the dead of night, when the mind is free to roam over the happenings of the day. If we only had the luxury of turning the hands of time backwards to avoid mistakes we have made before we have had the chance to make them. LOL I think this write is timeless (LOL) and applies to young and old alike. Good job my young friend. I will look forward to reading more of you.

I hope that you will find the right road in school to take you to where you want to go in life. Don't be too hard on yourself. A Great read.

Blessings,
Lesa

[Jennifer Elizabeth]

I can really relate to this. I spent 3 years in school as a freshman, wandering from class to class, knowing that I was wasting all that money on things that didn't even interest me. Why can't life be simple? Sometimes it really feels like it is, and we're just making it complicated for our own sake. I love it.

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

Another great poem. I like the reference of Jimeny Cricket as your consciense. It's like he even has a way of guarding a darker side of the soul.

[cyanskye]

Oops, I thought I was deleting a duplicate of my original review but the entire thing is gone now. So sorry, However, I just re-read and you have done a great job with the edit. Still a very insightful piece that captures the anxiety of the main character.

V5C

[Mark D. Chevalier]

"Like surgery in one's fragile soul." Loved that line. It was a poem that was apropo to what you were aiming for. I remember the frustrations that surrounded me in school. Chemistry...(what a pleasure that was)...
Tick tock, I watched the clock. You were able to sucessfully bring me back to those days. Nicely done!
Mark

I like all of the scattered thoughts. It makes the poem flow really well. It makes you really think.

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

Excellent piece of writing. Really enjoyed reading...
I did feel that the line:
>>To the place where sense("Pfft, you lack it," my conscience tells me) was found.
may have been easier to read without conscience's sarcastic comment in the middle of the line. I would have put the comment in the next line as:
"Sense? Pfft," my conscience tells me. "You lack it."
Other than that small, worthless opinion of mine, well written and thanks for sharing.

[Allusyen]

This piece flows very nicely, some very nice analogies in there, and as cyanskye said, you do capture the fustrations perfectly.
There's just the one line that doesn't seem to... well, fit, in my head. Its all fustrating and tortured, and then there's this "Shut up, cricket, or I'll poo on you!", the last half of which gives me a little jolt. It just seems a little too much of a childish comment compared with the rest of the piece. I like the idea of threatening the cricket though, that works nicely.