Chapter Four: Brendan The Beaver

This is the one with Brendan.

A few hours later, when the sun decided to show it's ugly face, I was taken back to my house. I blamed the broken mirror on some black janitor guy that tried to give me a milky way. Luckily they didn't notice the little pieces of mirror in my arms as I waved goodbye to them. They were too busy beating up the black man I had so rudely framed. I really wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but I figured if he saw my face, he would get a bunch of his friends to kick my a*s too. Once I got back home, I limped around the house and grabbed all of my rations, and put them in new spots just in case. Checking everywhere for the statue I had seen in the hospital a few hours ago. Once I was done preparing for the night, I walked inside and checked my facebook. There was a new message from my friend Josh, he will be henceforth known as Bernice. The message read as stated "Hey, what's going on?"

I clicked facebook off and went into my room. I decided that if I make it to tomorrow, I will hire more members to help me take on this evil beast. Then I realized, "No one else wants to be in this story..." 

...

I laid down on my bed. Yes, the bed is soft, and yet it still offers no relief. I began to cry silently, realizing that I was all alone in this strange world. Only I believed in Pazuzu. And Only Pazuzu believed in me. Why were we fighting constantly? Would we make the best of friends? Perhaps. He made good friends with that one girl by calling himself Mr. Howdy. We all have our downsides though. He likes to pretend to be a demon, when really he is just a demon. I sat up in bed, hearing a faint cry from outside. Was it a sign? I limped out of my bedroom and into the sunshiny day, and saw what had made the faint cry. It was a beaver. Why the hell was there a beaver in my yard? Was there some swamp nearby that I have never seen in my entire life? Probably. I mean there must be. There's a beaver here. He turned and clicked his humongous buck teeth at me. "Come on Allan, cheer up. I'm here to help you! Myumph myumph!" 

"... Did you just talk?"

"Yes I did. My name is Brendan the beaver! At your service master. Myumph myumph"

"Is this some sort of joke?"

"Nope. My name is Brendan the beaver! At your service master. Myumph myumph."

"Alright, and how can you help me?"

"Why, I'm going to help destroy the evil demon Pazuzu with you Master! Myumph myumph."

"What skills do you have to offer?"

"I can build us a dam! Myumph myumph."

"What else?"

"I can be a nut cracker. Myumph myumph."

"Could you stop that?"

"Stop what? Myumph myumph?"

"That."

"What? Myumph myumph?"

"That! That noise you keep making after every sentence."

"Do I make a noise after every sentence? Myumph myumph?"

"Yes you do. You say Myumph myumph after every f*****g sentence!"

"Master shouldn't curse, why- you could go to hell for that! Myumph myumph!"

"Stop that!"

A few hours later after arguing and training Brendan not to say his little catch phrase after every sentence, I gave up on any hope of survival that I had in this strange dual I was supposed to be having with Pazuzu. But why was he really here? Was this another one of Satan's minions, coming to torment me with his new strange lingo. Was Satan even the boss anymore? He never calls me anymore. Thank God. He was pretty terrible. He always complained about how he was having such a bad relationship with whoever he was with that hour. Yes. That hour. He switched between mates after becoming angry with them and tearing them to shreds. Everybody leaves him because he's just so shallow. I remember hearing one woman's last words. "You don't love me because I'm shreds!" And then she was gone. Wait. What am I even saying now? I've never talked to Satan! "Hey there master, wudda-ya thinkin' bout? Myumph myumph."

I let out a brief sigh. " I don't know Brendan the beaver... It's just - I'm having strange thoughts."

"Like what? Myumph myumph."

"Well, basically I just remembered something that has never happened before. Clearly though. As though I was another person."

Brendan's eyes bulged. "I know what you mean. Myumph myumph."

"You do?"

Brendan nodded sagely. "You're pretending. Myumph myumph."

"What's that?"

Brendan gestured for me to sit next to him, and I did.

"You see Master, pretending is where you act or think like someone else, even though you aren't really doing anything. You use your imagination. Myumph myumph."

"Ooo... Tell me more!"

"Well, that's about it. Myumph myumph."

I stood up, with this new knowledge freshly put into my brain, and felt it grow. Just a little bit. Perhaps with this new knowledge, I could destroy Pazuzu once and for all. I turned down and looked at my beautiful little friend. So happy. Always happy. I wish I could be more like him. I reach down and pick him up and cuddle with him. 

"I love you Brendan."

"I love you too master. Myumph myumph."

It was at that moment, I realized how I could destroy Pazuzu. I had something he didn't. Something he never had, nor could ever understand. And it was here, with me. It had been here ever since the beginning of this chapter.