A Candlestick and the Single Stool

One of my favorite characters tells a story- within my story. (Inception all over again!) I'm calling it, A Candlestick and the Single Stool. He tells the poetic story when my protagonist starts getti

Once there was a man,

who didn’t own much in life.

He owned very little land.

He was loved in spite, by his wonderful wife-

and by his 8 offspring.

His family was full,

but envious he was of the single King.

He had very little and wanted all.

He was at best words a greedy fool.

His house: only a roof with 4 walls.

His bearings: a candle stick, and a single stool.

One day he went for a stroll,

seeking anything that could be sold.

He came upon twinkle, under the suns block.

It was a bracelet that wrinkled, under a rock.

He picked it up and heard its words-

“Wear me and be blessed as well as cursed”.

He did as it wished,

gave fate a goodbye kiss,

and into his pocket it went.

When it was dim, everyone lay down their heads.

 He waited in grim, and snuck out of bed.

He put on the jewel,

the clasp then sealed itself in rule.

He tried to take it off,

but too late was it now.

The next morning he checked the trough,

 and beholds a new cow.

He was blessed, as said the bracelet-

but where was this curse?

He sings a song of glee before taken back by what he sees-

the death of his son of First.

Everyday this continued with more gifts and with each a fee.

He says “My pockets fill, and each coin haunts me!”

Soon it was just he and his wife,

but out of grief does she take her own life.

Now he is a man, who owns many things in life.

 He owns all the land. He isn’t loved by any in spite.

He doesn’t envy the throne,

and cries every time he is alone.

He wanted very little but now had all.

He was at best words a rich fool.

His house was 9 roofs with 36 walls.

He loves only two of his bearings:

A candlestick, and the single stool.

Author's Note

Please ignore any grammatical error in this! It was written in the process of writing my novel to add spark to the scene. Please tell me what you think- did you like it, love it, hate it, wish you'd never read it? Tell me! I sincerely want to know, good or bad :) It'll help me improve! Please don't be like 'you'll never be good enough' because that will not help me better my writing. Tell me, 'I honestly didn't like this part (insert part) and the reason is blah, blah, blah.' If youre going to hate- hate for good reason! Thank you! ;)

Reviews

[Devons]

A subtly effective proverbial fable you have created here. The message and moral works excellently. The ending really seals the whole piece with pleasing neatness, bringing the story full circle perfectly.
I really like the following:
"Everyday this continued with more gifts and with each a fee.
He says “My pockets fill, and each coin haunts me!”"

It gave me satisfaction to read this poem.

NB You could properly perfect this poem if you could just trim-up the scanning and rhythm a little more in places, is all.

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you for your thorough review! :) I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I agree completely. I liked it but couldn't shake the feeling of it not rolling off the tongue well enough

[Kayla-Vi Hopkins]

I really enjoyed the unique aspect of this poem. Kept me interested. The enjoyment of taking a slightly cliché scenario and giving it a twist is clever and shows the experience in your writing. The timing and rhyme scheme could use a little more clarity and flow, however a fun read!

[Valerie]

The creativity in this one! Your writing just flows. Made me think real hard for a moment there. Good luck on your novels!

[Tiffany Thomas]

I appreciate the review and thank you so much! :)

[Maja]

Hi! This poem actually made me sad, and in a good way. It also reminded me of the stories and fairytales I used to read when I was younger, so reading your poem was kind of a nostalgic experience. Anyway, best of luck with your novels! I hope I get to read more of your poems as well! :)

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you for your review! :) I'm glad it made you feel something and am pleased to cause a nostalgic effect! Nostalgia is just the best isn't it? :D Thank you again!!

[Maja]

It definitely is. You're welcome! :)

[jeannemarie coulter]

i enjoy reading this and loved the fact it made me think and consider life...thank you

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you so much! :) I really appreciate your feedback and I am so glad it had that affect on you! :)

[jeannemarie coulter]

welcome always

[Justin]

that was really great :) it was very creative and told your message in a creative way :) great job :)

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you so much Justin! :)

[Justin]

your welcome :) looking forward to getting to know you :) :)

[jb]

Nice poem...great creativity!

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it :)

[jb]

Your welcome!!!