My guardian angel

Where am I ?
It is dark and very cold.
A hole?
I don't know.
I don't even remember my name,but I do remember the crimes which darkened it.
So I guess that it's no shame if I don't remember my f*****g name.
Who cares anyway?
About me,my soul and feelings.
Hell, I feel that there once was someone who did and was kind.
But who? I don't remind.

This darkness,this place...it's scaring me.
Because of the light I remember here once used to be.
But hell again, I don't remember what or who caused this light.
I just know that if I didn't have the memory of this light..
The darkness would feel all right.

But holy s**t ..
What is this?!
A flash  crashing down on me.
Something's running through my veins like electricity.
My legs are feeling all wobbly.
I'm falling...but not landing?!
Where am I now?
Hell? No,it's too bright here.
Heaven? No idea..
My energy..it seems that's what I regain.
But what doesn't come back is..my pain?!

Suddenly there's another flash but a different kind-
Bigger,Brighter..
Oh my-
This is the moment when all my memories are coming back to me and when I see..
him?!
Holy s**t ! How can this be?!
He's here with me.
He changed though-
He looks stronger,brighter.
Now,he's walking,no...floating towards me.
But not like a ghost.

No, he does it with the grace and beauty of an acient god.
Our eyes meet, the shining blue of his eyes reminding me-
Of this beautiful stone..How is it called? Oh right, Lapis Lazuli.
He's calling my name..
'Am I insane?!'
'No , you are not.' he replies with the voice of great kings.
That's when I recognise that I'd been thinking aloud and when I discover..
His wings?!

Now the knowledge's coming to me.
The thing I'd been looking for what he's reminding me of and what his change is about...
He turned to-
'An angel..'
'Not exactly, my dear.I'm your guardian angel' he replies with a smile on his lips.
'But,uh..I'm sure that this time I hadn't been thinking aloud.'
'That's right my love. I can read your minds.' he answers.
I keep gazing at him so impressed.
Suddenly I feel something hot and wet-
Running down my cheeks.

'Don't...please' he says,coming closer to me and taking my face between his hands.
Suddenly all my hidden emotions  from the time since his leaving , are collapsing and spinning around.
I start to feel dizzy..and pull him into my arms.
He's holding me tight,stroking my hair.
I look in his eyes.
If I hadn't used to know him so well I wouldn't have recognised the hint of water in them and his gaze-
Reflecting my own despair.

'Don't please..' I say ,like he just did earlier.
' I- I ... Flippin' norah!! I can't  stand seeing you having to deal with all this crap!!' he's shouting in sadness.
His words, becoming for my body a wanted caress.
Now he takes my face between his hands again and starts wiping my tears away.
' You, love,...are one of the rare things in my f*****g life I won't ever regret.' he sighs.
'But I made mistakes since you left and you know I cried a lot and even -' I reply.
'Shh' he puts one finger on my lips.

'Damn.How can you dare to think like this of yourself? It's just normal how you've reacted and..flippin' norah! YOU made me so f*****g proud,you!
Because you held on, no matter how often you hit rock bottom.
And s**t...I'm sorry,I'm so sorry that  I never told you often enough  how proud I was when we'd been together in reality and that I wasn't able to tell you often enough -

He stops for a second and suddenly pulls me against his chest, bends his head down,looked in my eyes and kisses my mouth.
Tender.
I reply it and bright light flashed  all around us..
I feel all the darkness  being taken away from my heart and soul.
We've been pulled in the air, close to the moon.

My guardian angel's holding me tight -
And speaks in my mind.
' I have to go now. You belong to reality and me to heaven. I'll always protect you and especially I want you to remember that.. I loved you, I love you and I always will.
Then he kisses my forehead and with another flash-
He vanishes.

My eyes open again and I'm looking around.
What I'm hearing is a familiar sound.
I'm lying on my bed.. 
And from the outside I'm hearing the meow-ing of my neighbour's cat.