Not So Fab Pt. 2

Not So Fab Pt. 2

A Chapter by V. Germanotta

Dani is feeling a little bit beter after attacking Cassandra but is still fighting the darkness trying to overwhelm her.


Later still                   Bjork’s Kitchen

I’m so PISSED! After I stopped writing (12:20), Bjork, Alley, Sasha, Michelle, & I got caught. Not those 10th graders. They hid in Bjork’s downstairs WIC, which she forbids anyone to go into. But anyways, Parish was the one who found us. When I was walking out of the WIC I tripped & accidentally landed smack dab on Parish’s (are you ready for this?) LIPS!


Me: OMG, I’m so sorry, Parish. I’m such a klutz. You hate me don’t you?

P: It’s cool; you’re cool beans, Dani.

Me: (Hyperventilating)

P: You okay, Danica?

Me: You called me Dani. Not Goldie. You called me Dani!

P: Oh, you didn’t like that. Sorry.

B: (loud whisper. Bjork can’t whisper or keep a secret at all. It’s funny, that’s why she is going to intern at a gossip magazine this summer.)

Me: (Kick very hard) Shut up!

B: (Grabs knee) Ouches!

P: Huh?

B: She’s�"in�"

Me: (Kicking harder) shut UP!

B: Double ouches!

P: I’m going to go. Gold�"I mean Dani, text me sometime.

Me: Yeah, sure. But you’ve got to go… seek you know.


Bjork was mad, but I told her that she brought it upon herself & she agreed. Janetta & I were picked to be Seekers by this 10th grade, Brenda Hanover, who won. She’s not as fast as Janetta, so Janetta went for her. Jan found her snogging Thomas Gage in a coat closet. I found Parish in the guest bathroom. He was hiding under a sink and I told him that sometimes spiders live under there & he hit his head on the bottom of the sink. When Parish & I came into the living room (double the size of Bjork’s WIC) & I saw 2 bottles lying next to Janetta. I know now she was drunk. She suggested Truth or Dare. I knew what she was up to. She started off easy. Lick the wall, then it progressed to drink this cup of pee (which Alex Mortimer did & Bjork told him he had to leave). I knew what she was getting to.

Finally it was her turn to dare somebody again. She turned to Parish with a smile & I slit my eyes at her. Her grin grew with glee.


J: Parish, I dare you to kiss Dani. (I was feeling scared & excited at the same time. That was weird.)

P: No (And I felt “WHAT?”)

J: It is a dare! Either you do it… or you get pelted with paintballs.

P: It’s Truth or Dare. Not Spin The Bottle. And what if Go- I mean Dani says no.

J: She has to.

P: No she doesn’t. You dared me, not her. (Throughout this whole thing I was looking back & forth to whomever was speaking.)

J: She’ll do it.

Me: No, I won’t (attracting a lot of surprised faces my way).

J: (Wide-eyed) what are raving about�"

Me: Who’s raving?

J: (Sips some Smirnoff Ice.) You love Parish.

Me & P: What?

J: (Snatches my journal) See, it’s all in here. See it says ‘Parish Kirkpatrick is hotter than�"

Me: (Snatches it back) Give it here, you SKANK!


And I kicked her before I ran to the kitchen. But it gets better. I roundhouse kicked her, so she’s out cold. Or puking, I don’t know. Now Bjork’s chef is making me Halloween chicken noodle soup & ordering me Vespa sugar cookies because Bjork told her to. Oh, great. I’m in my least favorite silk pajamas & here come Parish. After only, what has it been, a quarter after?


Status: Danica-Aurum Dorothy-Aurora Hart-Singer-Johnson-Parker is feeling STARVED, PISSED, SAD, and PANICKY!



11/01              2:02 AM                     Bjork’s room

Janetta is sleeping off drunkenness, but what do I care? I’m not her friend anymore. But get this! I have a…


BOYFRIEND! Parish likes me! He thinks I’m sweet, feisty, pretty, & cute! I raised an eyebrow & instinctively he laughed & said “Smart & funny, too.” Even though I stuffed myself with chicken noodle soup & Vespa cookies, I thought I looked like the Great Pumpkin. When I told him, he said that either way, I rocked. I raised an eyebrow & he said I didn’t, though.


Can I just add something in? OK, well, IDC because it’s my diary anyways, I’ll do what I want to do. Well, once, in 8th grade, I liked a boy named Louis (as in Louis Armstrong, one of the best jazz musicians ever). I only liked Louis for 3 weeks, 4 tops. Well, here’s the thing. Louis & I were enemies since 6th grade. Well, I wasn’t his enemy, but he was mine. He used to pick on me for no reason. I didn’t find this funny. And I kicked him a few times. Finally in 8th grade he called me his brother (Wassup, Dan-ee-cuh, my brotha?). And I punched him in the side of his head. I was already mad because of something else, but that was the icing on the cake.


So you can see why I was so pissed at myself for liking him. And I was pissed because when I told Janetta, she didn’t overreact, like I had hoped. Well, I was dared by my friend, Marissa, to ask him to the 8th grade prom (yes, at our school, 8th graders have a prom, 11th grade has a prom, & 12th grade as a prom.) Well, I dared her to ask a guy I used to like, Garlo. I asked Louis, but he said he wasn’t going because he had obligations. He said he would, but he couldn’t. And I told him “sorry, but it was a dare!”

Here it goes, Marissa never asked Garlo. So I was kind of embarrassed. Finally, after begging, I let Janetta ask Louis if he liked me. Louis said no. And he said to hell with that b***h. Well, I wasn’t sad. Not really that much. I was happy, because that gave me incentive to hate him again. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking! Oh, and I yelled at Louis.


But, either way, I’m glad that happened. It helped me handle rejection, but not that well, because I didn’t like him as much as anyone else I’ve ever liked. But, it still sucks to find out that the world is NOT your oyster. Now what was I talking about?


Oh yeah! Parish! He likes me, did I tell you? I am sleeping in Bjork’s room with her & Parish is sleeping in the basement. I told him that some spiders lived down there, like in all basements, & he hit his head on the wall. “Second time,” I giggled. I took his hand. It was soft & firm. Like how you’d think Johnny Depp’s hand probably feels. Well, it felt great. And then Parish was all, “Dani…” & I was all, “Yeah, Parish”, & I thought it was going to be all romantic & what not. I thought he was going to say “I really like you, Danica. And I�"I want to give you this.” And kiss me I guess. Nope! He said, “Dani, I know that you like me & I like you (I got so excited) but you’re hurting my hand. Please stop squeezing it.” And my face dropped & I was all, “OMG, I’m so sorry!” And he laughed, after I let go of his hand.


And he cupped my face & kissed me on the lips. I have never been kissed before, so I didn’t know what to do. I did what I saw in the movies. I tilted my head & kissed him back as well as I could. But, Parish has had 3 girlfriends since the one he was dating when we began being friends. And he was pretty good.

I’m on cloud 9 & Janetta’s on cloud 2, probably. I mean, she is probably hung-over, and I did roundhouse her. She was supposed to come to my house after the party because her parents went to Bora-Bora & left her here because she got smashed at her dad’s New York, New York party at the 40/40 club. And Jay-Z laughed at her & took pictures & put them on his Facebook.


Janetta’s dad is a music mogul named Leo Jackson & her mom’s maiden name is Janette Leo. Now her mom’s name is Janette Jackson, ha! But then again it’s spelled Janette not Janet. And Janetta’s mom isn’t famous for singing, but for modeling & dancing. But her mom has 3 successful albums, the last being The Evolving Janette. Her new one, The Evolution of Janette Leo, will be the sequel to the Evolving, which will be the prequel to the sequel, which will be the prequel to The Revolution of Janette. But I suppose Janetta will be staying with Bjork because she isn’t coming with me.


On a scale of 1 to 10, I was on a 5 after beating up Cassandra. Then I was hovering on a 6 because Katy was helping me out and now I’m a solid 10!


11/02  4:51 PM                     Bergdorf’s

Another day, another dollar, but another sale is truly amazing! I might have money, but I don’t like to waste it, because my allowance is usually $300 every month, depending on how I behave! SO I still buy the knockoffs they sell near my apartment.


Parish & I are buying outfits for the dance next week. I told Parish that because I have a bad singing voice I will probably need to skip it to practice. He said he would understand, but then we’d probably break up if I were going to put work ahead of him. Usually my mom will buy me clothes online, without my dad knowing, but it’s different. I want to buy this for myself because it’s showing that I deserve Parish.


I like Par’ a lot, but I don’t actually believe that the dance will be good for us. It will probably be awkward, right? Well, yeah. We (as in me, myself, I, and an older me reading this) think so. But I dance really…hot, which means I gyrate & grind. I hope Parish won’t be embarrassed & that we won’t get into any trouble, because I have to go or we will break up. It’s not like a dance any different than anybody else does! Probably he’ll like it.


My mother says that she has been pregnant since August, but she just started showing. That baby’s going to be teeny weenie bambini! Okay so at Parish’s dad’s art gallery they are having an art show & there was cheese & wine. Parish & I had to stay in the back & wait for Mr. Chaply, Par’s driver, to come take us to a luncheon with some of our friends, Janetta not included. Having a rich boyfriend has its perks, even though we have money. I mean, he gets a credit card & I get $300 a month and whatever I earn at Mrs. Wong’s (not including the fact that I love him, but whatever. He is so my soul man).


I’ve been giving Janetta the cold shoulder since that day; she only came to school on Wednesday because that’s when we had to come back to school. Well, she hasn’t been to school, so it’s hard to give her the CS, but I’m giving it to her. She texted me on my iPhone, & I ignored it. I usually text people on my Sidekick, but I ignored hers. Then she sent an email to my BlackBerry & I ignored that. Which is pretty miraculous since it’s my business phone & I pretty much do answer all of my emails on that. It is my job and the press has to reach me because they’re all over my family right now since my mom got pregnant and started hanging with other prego celeb-o. So I really think that Janetta is catching my drift! I guess I could be happy that she exposed me because had she not; I would have never gotten with Parish. Until maybe, I don’t know… at least a month before the end of the year. Maybe at Bjork’s big Cast Away end of the year bash, which everybody attends? I don’t really know.


But I’ve got to go. Parish found a good, black suit & I’m just looking for his tie now. We’re considering a bow tie, but then his dad said if he wears a bow tie, he will need to wear a cummerbund & a bowling hat or a top hat.


I said “Excuse me, sir, but, hell no!” And Mr. Kirkpatrick laughed & said I was a feisty one, and bow ties were gay anyways. I corrected him in the fact that bow ties & homosexuals had nothing to do with each other and he asked me if I was a homo. I said no & he said “then why do you care?” & I explained to him that if people don’t say what they mean our society will be corrupt. Then I said it already was & that was pretty much why. And it’s also the way a lot of wars get started, but anyways. I’m trying to find a tie that will match my dress. It’s a chocolate brown dress that goes to the floor. And it has dark orange ruffles on the under part. It’s pretty hot. Anyway, I think we’ll go with an orange tie.


Well, I really have to go. I’ll write again from the dance, because I’m busy.





I changed my dress. I forgot it’s a black and white thing, so Parish is wearing all black and I’m wearing a white and silver version of the dress I bought. It’s not as rich and doesn’t give me a golden glow, and I look like I’m getting married, but whatever. The after-party is Bjork’s place and I’m changing into a “Patricia in Black Eye” dress by Rock and Republic. It’s fitted leather dress with “ponti” and with a chiffon overlay. Parish is changing into white “skinny” jeans and a white and silver fitted tee-shirt. The whole Black and White Ball thing is holding over throughout the night, I guess. Gotta jet!


11/15              9:15 PM         the Dance

Boy, does the dance look great or what? It’s kind of like homecoming. But it isn’t, so I can’t describe. It’s a little like prom, because we HAVE to dress up. Oh, I’ll call it the Formal. It’s decorated in all white faux-snow. There are twinkling Christmas lights everywhere and white chiffon drapes from the ceiling. Some Cirque Du Soleil performers are here doing acrobats on some of the chiffon drapes. The DJ is amazing, for once! I’m having a lot of fun J


I am so glad I went to Bergdorf’s the day of the sale. They had a late arrival of new clothes that day, but all the other girls (namely the Populars) had already gotten their dresses made special for them or they had bought them the day of the shipment. There was a big problem with shipping so Bergdorf’s had some late arrivals of stylish dresses. I was so ecstatic. None of the girls have a dress like mine & they’re all complimenting me on it, I mean, because I had it before anyone else.


At my school whatever cool thing reaches us first is called It & the person that brings It is the It Girl or the It Guy. It sounds creepy, because of that stupid movie with the clown, but it’s not really creepy. It also sounds a bit shallow, like the actual It Girl series I’ve been reading by that lady who wrote those books about the w****s who live in the Upper East Side. Mind you, it is shallow, but still. Its nothing likes those w****s or that big boobed girl. Boobed isn’t actually a word, I don’t think.


Anyways, I’m sitting in here on a couch, listening to the news. We have a TV in the bathroom, but it’s always on the news, so nobody skips class to stay in here except me & some political junkies. I mean, it’s always on FOX news channel, not even FOX5 that plays Seinfeld at 7:30 PM, or anything.


But I love the news, and sometimes I wait until everybody has left & I hack into the school’s data frame that controls the TV channels & I put on Martha Stewart & wait for the View to come on. Sometimes Janetta would come with me, but not as of late. She just started coming to school 4 days ago.


One time I got caught & Janetta hid in the toilet stall. Mrs. Coates, one of the guidance counselors came in & I just nodded at her. She sat down & asked what the Hot Topics were that the ladies on the View were discussing. Janetta came out & smiled & did her fake nice girl act, before leaving. Keanna walked in and I swear her glasses almost flew off of her face. It’s be a blessing, since they’re so ugly. At lunch Janetta asked me if I got in trouble & I said no. And that was that. I wasn’t even really mad. It’s not really a big deal, since I am skipping the end of my Specialty period & a lot of my Aerobics & Fitness classes.


I’m just lucky Mr. Hertz-Moore didn’t rat me out when he saw me at the benefit. He just pulled me aside & said if I didn’t stop skipping he would tell on me. More like fink on me, but I didn’t say that because fink is really a word from the 50’s or 40’s. I just said, “You know, Mr. Hertz-Moore, snitches get stitches,” & I went to the dessert table to talk to Hillary Rodham-Clinton. My dad pulls in a lot of big names to the benefits.


Anyways, I hay-wired the TV to go to Food Network, so I could watch the end of Iron Chef America, I think, like, 2 minutes ago.


Oh, here comes Allison Hanover & Alicia Feldman. They’re in the Populars, but it’s weird. I’ll tell you why in a minute. Oh, I’ll plug in my voice recorder & transmitter to record our conversation. I’ll go over it in a moment to give full details.

Later               Bjork’s room  (I think its 4:30 AM, but BJ’s clock confuses me!)


Allison: So, I was just grinding all over Martin & Trevor, & then Jack came over & butted me out of our little Allison sandwich! And that’s when he pulled me aside & said�"(she notices me)


Alicia: Oh, hey, Danica.


Me: Hi, Alicia (I turn back to face Food Network).


Allison: Hey, I just think it’s awesome how you can hack into the school’s comp’s & change the channel in here without changing it on any other TV, right, Alicia?


Alicia: Yeah, dude. It’s pretty okay.


May I just add that Alicia is from the beach? She came here from California & she has that whole slang thing that Western surfers use. She once called me a beach bunny, and I thought she meant beach w***e. That’s kind of how we became acquaintances. Because we got into a big fight & then made up & it was really funny. Anyways:


Me: Thanks, Alicia. And Allison, I suppose.


Allison: I know you hate me, right? Well, I’m sorry for most of it. I mean, I just realized how purely annoying I was when my boyfriend, Jack, broke up with me.


Me: (Turning my neck slightly to look at her.) Yeah, well, I guess it takes that sort of thing to make somebody like you realize how annoying they really were.


Alicia: (Snickering) Tee hee he! That’s a good one.

Allison: Oh, shut up Alicia!


Me: TY, Alicia.


Allison: You know that computer-speak is annoying? Anyways, I think I might go after Parish Kirkpatrick. Do you know him?


Me: (Eyes glued to the TV) Yeah, I do. And you aren’t going after him.


Allison: (Stops applying lip gloss) who are you to tell me what I can & can’t do?


Me: (I turn some again) I am Parish Kirkpatrick’s girlfriend. (I return to my position watching the television. It looks like Cat Cora is going to win against the Challenger, because she’s this little white-haired lady who strikes me as lesbian, and she hasn’t finished all of her dishes. I don’t even think she will, but I haven’t seen the end yet. I saw the same episode in May, but I forget how it ends. I bet that Cat will win though.)


Allison: (Laughing and continuing with her lip gloss. She needs it for her ashy lips! But her eyes are no longer slitting at me & she’s looking in the mirror.) Yeah, I heard that one! I didn’t really believe it, but I heard it. But that just makes the chase so much harder.


Me: (Switching the channel to FOX News so I don’t miss anything & catch snippets that I can’t actually debate if they’re fair.) Allison, Allison. Poor, dumb Allison, I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. It’s not a request, but a requirement.

Allison: What will you do about it? Parish is outside of this bathroom waiting for you. I could go out & say you had the runs. Or I could just seduce him back to the dance & dance with him & flirt.


Me: (I stand up & bat my eyelashes. Then I let my face go deep into the angry set I let it go into when somebody tries to hurt me. My eyes slit, my lips pull back against my teeth, and my left eyebrow rises.) Listen, you little trollop. You are forbidden to try taking my boyfriend, but because I know that you can never do what you’re instructed to I will do this. I will tell you this: You try any of your crap tonight, & I will make you regret it, okay?


Alicia: You know, Al, she’s pretty badass.


Me: Let Alicia help you. At least she’ll be the smart one out of the pair of you.


Allison: Are you threatening me?


Me: I was, but then what I just said? Yeah, that was an insult.


Allison: Danica, you’re such a freak. Let’s see what happens when I go talk to Parish (turns to leave).


I chuckle before I grab her shoulder & she turns to speak. Then I jam my knee into her stomach. She gags, but she doesn’t eat enough each day to throw up. Then I say this slowly so she gets it. “B***h! Parish�"is�"MINE!” And I leave

Parish was waiting for me, but he didn’t know my little TV secret. I only tell him once we’re in the limo, leaving. He was worried that I didn’t have any fun, & I was hiding. He asked me if I’d really rather be watching Iron Chef. I said “Yeah, but it’d be better if I’d been watching it with you.” In the limo, I tell him what happened & my TV trade secret. Then I hack into the security camera’s to show him what I’m capable of, and I erase their memory of the stupid incident. I’m pretty much, one of the only kids who can do an actual roundhouse. And in a floor length dress too! Parish was like “You are something else. But I’m kind of pissed that you actually thought I’d leave you for Allison. She’s annoying! Even Jack hates her now! I mean she was going with these 2 guys and�"“


I stop Par’ and kiss him. When he asks why, I say it’s because “I’m just so happy that I like you so much.” And I kiss him again. And he agrees, and BJ rolls her eyes & her date, Alex Hamilton, asks her why she never kisses him like that. And I giggle & kiss Parish again before falling asleep on his shoulder. Did you know that Parish is Bjork’s cousin? They’re cousins & BJ never thought to try & hook us up! Good night, now that sleep bug has bitten me!


12/02              7:45 PM         my kitchen

I find it odd how I’m so good at so many things. I’m good at kicking a*s, hacking into stuff, visual arts as well as literary, performing, & even culinary. I’m just awesome. But I really haven’t been feeling like that lately.


It started with the flu & then progressed into pneumonia. I’m glad I’ve gotten better, because it really sucked. I slept through most of it, so I feel pretty good. But I know that my body hasn’t really registered it. I think my body pretty much just used all the sleep to get my body better.


All I can really remember is Parish coming by a lot to bring soup. His mom makes rocking soup! There were my favorite spiral noodles & pieces of chicken. There were lots of vegetables, not ones I hate, either. The ones that you put in stew traditionally. My mom was gone for 2 days to go to a workshop for developing some new ice cream flavors because she’s opening up an ice cream parlor in Manhattan.


Katrina came by. She’s in a hotel until I get better. She tried to come over & stuff me full of cheese & junk food. She may have a medical PhD, but she has no clue how to take care of a 14-year-old with pneumonia. She almost killed me! Ever since, Dad just told Katy that I was asleep whenever she came over, and I would pretend it was true. We had a good system, but sometimes Parish would ask me why I kept closing my eyes when Katy came in. And then Katy would say “are you ignoring me, Dani?” Usually she said it in English, but whenever she said it in Russian I got nervous.


Parish brought me my homework & my dad would tutor me so that I wouldn’t be behind in my classes. I can’t believe that Parish put his mortal health on the line for me! Well really think I’m falling in love. If I wasn’t in it already! And even Janetta came over. I guessed it was to see why I was gone for so long, like she couldn’t guess. But sometimes we go on vacation & my parents don’t want kids at school to know, and because Janetta has a big mouth, I can’t tell her.


But she came over to apologize. I couldn’t talk because of my throat. I guess that made it easier for her.


JL: I know how pissed you are at me, Dani. But I promise I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, you’ve gotta know that! I was so hammered, but I know you probably don’t see that as much of an excuse. I know that you probably would never do that! I was too stupid; I shouldn’t have had so many drinks. I’d be mad, too. And I don’t blame you if you never want to be friends again, but I don’t want to pull “an Erica” (which is what we call it when you give somebody many chances that they leave.) Do you forgive me, Dani?


Me: [Nod] Yeah (which is a croak that hurts like flames shooting up my throat).


Then we hugged & she gave me her mom’s famous Rock Soup. There are lots of potatoes & baby onions & I love it. It really is pretty famous because it’s in my mom’s restaurant. But I’m still recuperating. “GUNFIGHT AT MIDNIGHT” ROCK ON!



Note: Rock on by Gunfight at Midnight! Ahhhhhhhhhhhmazing f*****g song! My soul right now!


12/03              Jr. E’s class   1:52 PM

OK, so today was hectic. My throat still hurts a little, but it turns out I’m ahead of everyone by a week thanks to my dad. He’s an over-achiever. I think I secretly knew that he would go to the school & find out what we would be learning for the rest of this week & next. Just for me to be ahead.


So Mrs. Federal isn’t bothering me because I am ahead. But I am getting the stink eye, which isn’t very different than her usual look. But I might as well take a trip to the library or something to start on the project we’re getting next week.

I’ll write in a few days, because I don’t feel like writing.


Wow, I didn’t know that was possible for me to say!


Oh, but this is a shocker. Parish has instituted a Swear Jar. What the f**k is going on here? Why the h**l would we need a f**cking Swear Jar. He’s being all s**tty about it, too. If we swear once we have to pay a dollar. D**n him and his dollars! I get $300 a month and he gets a debit card. Yeah, real f**king fair. Like we spoiled a**holes even carry paper money.



12/05  Library            3:15 PM

I made a stupid deal with Mr. Oswald, the librarian. I said I’d give him my cousin Louisa’s Playboy magazine’s so that he could give them to the Librarian’s Against Pornography (LAP). I think that it’s ironic because… it’s LAP! I mean, LAP is something for porn itself! Very much not against it, but I suppose there’s really nothing we can do anymore to change it.


Was there ever? I don’t think there’s any way to change that, which just proves something when the question arises? Can we even change ourselves, or at least save ourselves? Or is that impeccably impossible? It very well seems like it may be the latter.


I mean, why wouldn’t it be? 14 year olds making deals with their librarians to give them pornography magazines to give to organization to get rid of, that’s what our lives have turned to.


For some reason I can’t rid myself of the feeling that he wants them for himself. And either way, that’s not what I should be giving him. I should be giving him my word of honor, or offering to organize the book shelves. And I have to do it because I’m fronting this whole thing where students want the library to be open after school when there are projects that we must do. I shouldn’t be, but it was my idea.


All I did was say that I thought we should be able to go into the library after school to get help & use computers & resource books when there are projects. I didn’t think Mrs. Federal would take me seriously.


I already did most of the project, so I’m creeping around in here so that I can go onto Facebook & & do some online shopping. And I’m looking for new hacking codes, but if Mr. Oswald ever knew that he’d probably tell me that all my campaigning was for nothing & that I should get out. And that I wasn’t allowed in again. And that I wasn’t getting back the Playboy’s which might have been helpful for me to give back to Louisa. I guess I’m hiding from the rest of the students. I don’t want them to know I’m into jazz.


I’m listening to Take the “A” Train. I mean, a lot of them know I go to Jazz Festivals with my parents & Janetta’s dad & her, but they don’t know that I’m a real big fan. They wouldn’t understand. I mean most of them haven’t even heard It Don’t Mean a Thing If You Ain’t Got That Swing. And that song’s so classic, Ella Fitzgerald at her best, if you ask me. I know most of them think of Natalie Cole’s “This Will Be” is ‘that song from the Parent Trap’. That movie where Lindsey Lohan first showed up in Hollywood and you know I don’t think that anybody would have guessed what she was capable at jazz from that movie.


Anyways, the project makes us design a business off of what we have learned in the class. At the end of the year we have to make a business empire & Federal will pit them against each other & see which one survives to the top.


I know mine probably will be the best, because I’ve had the longest time to work on it & let’s face it, I’m smart.


Uh-oh, Mr. Oswald is coming to harass me about the whole pornography thing. I know it. He totally takes advantage of my high maturity level.


12/06  the cooking room      11:00 AM

Okay, so we just made the bombast sugar cookies that you can make if you aren’t from Vespa or Subway. So I have a lot of time to write what just happened.

I was walking around the Meetings room with my friend, Keanna, because we can. I mean, we didn’t have to be seated because we had a substitute & Ms. Paul says that nobody can teach like her, so we can do whatever we want as long as it abides by her rules & the school rules. And I was.


Keanna & I went to talk to our mutual friend Leslie Wang. Leslie was sitting with these people that I hate. I hate a lot of people, but who doesn’t? They were Sidney Parkinson, Mike Hanger, & Oliver Santos. I hate them because they are for some reason Populars. It makes sense because they fit the description. They are mean, they wear all those yucky clothes, and they are amazingly rude & full of themselves. Everything about them makes me sick & repels me from any contact or conversation.


So I was standing there & Mike was all:

M: Go away! [I turn to him]

Me: Who are you talking to?

M: [At same time] Yeah, I’m talking to you!

Me: Ugh, well don’t!

M: Shut up! You’re ugly & gay!

Me: First of all, I’m neither of those things. Second, you don’t even know me.

M: Yes I do. You’re Erica’s ugly, gay friend.

Me: I’m not any of those things. And if you know me, what’s my name?

M: I don’t know.

O: It’s Dericka Autumn Parker.

Me: No it’s not.

O: Yes it is.

Me: No, it’s not. I should know; it’s my name!

S: Yes it is. You’re in my Art class. That’s what Ms. Harper calls you.

Me: Well, that’s not it.

O: Then what is it?

Me: Danica-Aurum Hart-Singer Johnson-Parker, thank�"you!

O: Same d**n thing.

Me: No, it’s not. And don’t talk to me, either.

M: You’re still ugly & gay.

Me: You’re uglier than I ever will be, and unlike you, I’m straight. Maybe calling people gay is your way of compensating for something you are or may not be missing.

S: You’re being mean & you were jumping down their throats for being mean when they didn’t know you, and now you’re being mean to them & you don’t know them.

Me: I was standing up for myself, Sidney. And was I even talking to you?

S: I was standing up for�"

Me: No, I asked a yes or no question. That’s how it should be answered.

S: No, but�"

O: Keanna, will you go away so that your friend will go with you?

K: No.

Me: Oh, I don’t want to bother anybody, so I’ll go. But maybe you should start feeling that way, and drop dead. Peace.


Then I went to sit with my friend Meredith Montrose, who they had been teasing anyways. Oh, Sidney is coming this way.



Later               12:45 PM                   Starbucks

Me, Janetta, Keanna, & Martin came down here for fraps & lemon squares. We were thinking of training back to Chinatown & picking up some stuff from my mom’s diner, but we thought better of it. Keanna & Martin are skipping & if we get back to school late, we’ll all be skipping.


I yelled at Keanna for not helping me out, but she said it looked like I could handle the situation on my own. I suppose it’s true, but still. She apologized, but still! Anyways, when Sidney came over to me & Meredith Montrose’s table, I knew what to expect. It was pretty obvious what was going to happen.


S: B***h�"

Me: Skank.

S: Ho�"

Me: Bopper.

S: You’re the one who did it with Parish Kirkpatrick, Alyssa Landover, & Nina Lambert. I think you’re the skank bopper.

Me: That’s not true, first of all. Plus, even if it were true I know for a fact that you let the whole entire football team do with you what they wanted. Either way, I’m better than you, so shove it.

And she did. She shoved me real hard. Well as hard as a fat a*s like her can.

Me: Ha! Mm-b***h�"


And I shoved her into the cooking table where Sally Hart was standing a few moments ago. The shove was hard enough to push the table forward, but not hard enough to make Mrs. Kay come back into the room from the teachers’ lounge where she’s grabbing a cup of espresso.

When she got up, she tried to slap me. Then I gave her a mean upper cut. It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing, for sure! I went for the kill (which is my jump kick-roundhouse combo) but Parish stopped me.


I’m surprised he’s not here, but I think he’s probably mad that I get into so many fights. But Keanna was the one who rounded us up to go, and she doesn’t really like Parish because he told her that her heel-toe wasn’t as good as mine. Which is true, but hey, what can we do about it?


Today is the last day I write until try-outs because I’m getting really serious. I’m going to avoid conflict at all costs.




1.                  Sidney Parkinson for trying to spill my Chick-Fil-A milkshake on the song I’m writing for try-outs

2.                  John Kaminski for trying to touch my butt & for punching Martin

3.                  Lauren Cody for stealing my cookie money out of my pocket book

4.                  Angela Manama for stealing money out of my pocketbook for hot chocolate at Starbucks

5.                  Lucy Lin for ankle biting when we were doing our dances for Specialty

6.                  Amanda Stein for cheating me out of money at the school store

7.                  Ping Arvada for everything he’s done to me. He makes me sick & it ends soon!

8.                  Arty Beagle for doing everything that Ping Lin has


12/20  U.S. History    7:35 AM

Ha, ha, ha! The try-outs are today & Lipe has been taunting me nonstop all month. But it’s cool. Luckily tomorrow is the Holiday Break. I’m so scared. I saw Lipe at our door just now. She used her trademark Rosebud lip-gloss to draw this:

You are going down


I pressed this paper to the window to get a better picture of it. I started to cry instantly. Silently, so they wouldn’t think I was having another breakdown. I can’t back out now, because if I don’t go, Martin won’t. I can’t do that to him, because I might buckle under Cassandra Lipe’s hate.


Right now, I want to go to Mrs. Andersen’s office. She’s a guidance counselor. I need guiding. I mean, I’ve never been afraid of anyone really! It’s weird. I now officially hate Cassandra Lipe. That is if I didn’t before.


Danica H.S.J.P. is feeling

So freaked that she may

Or may not have a

Nervous breakdown


Later   11:15  Aerobics & Fitness

Today in Aerobics & Fitness we were allowed to do whatever we wanted. In other words we had free choice. We could play Capture the Flag, soccer, football (HA!), or walk around the field. Honestly, walking around the field is what people choose to do when they don’t want to do anything. There was also volleyball, badminton, and Rainbow Tag inside. Some kids snuck in to the school to play Ghost Seeker in the Physical Education Wing (PEW). I wanted to go, but I remembered that I had a list of people to have… talks with. I was ready.


1.                  Sidney Parkinson for trying to spill my Chick-Fil-A milkshake on the song I’m writing for try-outs

2.                  Lucy Lee for ankle biting when we were doing our dances for Specialty

3.                  Ping Lin for everything he’s done to me. He has made me sick & it ends soon!

4.                  Arty Beagle for doing everything that Ping Lin has


They’re all in my Gym period. I started with Arty. He already started with me at the beginning of the year. So I was banging my head to a Michael Jackson song (Beat It) & Arty said I was sticking out my chest. I yelled at him for 6 minutes before he called me a w***e & I pushed him. Then his buddy Ping wanted to go. Ping said, “she’s gonna kill you. Run, she gun kill you!” I looked at him. He tried to say he didn’t. I took an umbrella & attacked him with it before punching him in the face. Then I went after Lucy. I chased her into a corner where Sidney was standing. “Why are you trying to piss me off?” I asked with a smile. I shoved Lucy into Sidney.





Lucy: What do you want with me anyways?

Me: You shouldn’t have been trying to steal my song. It was mine & you know it. That’s why you got an F on your song.

Sidney: Your song sucked! Mine got a B. What did yours get, anyways? You got a D probably, right?

Me: An A, actually. Maybe you forgot the prize I won. And you were so intimidated that you spilled�"no, scratch that, TRIED to spill my milkshake on the song, & I stomped your foot, right? Yeah. What do you have to say now?

Sidney: Nothing.

Lucy: Sorry, but I really suck at Musical Composition in Specialty. And you ah-ah-only have it once a wa-wa-week & yeh-yeh-you-you’re good at it. And I have it 4 t-times a week & I’m still b-bah-bad at it [starts to cry]!

Me: So? Stop taking it. There’s still time to switch to a different teacher & class that you are good at. Thanks to you, I may have lost. Thanks to both of you.

Lucy: Well, Danica�"

Me: It’s Dani!

Lucy: �" I have $10. You can have it if you don’t beat me up.

Sidney: And I’m not a-scared of you.

Me: Well that is a shame, ain’t it?


And I double kicked her in the knees.


I know I shouldn’t fight, but saying things isn’t helping. I can’t keep talking myself out of situations. I didn’t use to fight, but who cares?

So when I was through kicking a*s & went behind the gym to where my friends were standing & we sat down & ate lemon squares from Starbucks. Keanna pulled an Erica, so we aren’t cool right now. We’ll see how life goes.


Later   Chemistry                   11:50 AM

Mr. Croswell’s wife went into labor. He’s going there now. It’s their first kid. He just yelled “Shut up, Linda! I heard you, OK! I’m on my! Breathe, d****t!” I guess Mr. C is frustrated. Mr. Fonze is coming in to do emergency subbing on Mr. C’s part. I like Mr. Fonze, but whenever those annoying Populars are around & he is, they go “Mr. Fonze!” & he does the Fonze trademark from Happy Days. I just wave when he says “hey!” I think I’ll take a nap.







Later               12:30 PM       Lunch with Katy & my dad at Pink Tray

“Yummy! Cholesterol packed steak & potatoes. It’s the perfect meal for a man your age, Big C.” Katy is annoying. Just to spite her I order pancakes, eggs, & bacon with hash browns. I guess I’ll stay throughout free period. My dad said that he’ll be taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate my win & that Parish’s family is invited so that he can meet them.


I’ve meet Mrs. Kirkpatrick, but oh well. I hope Katrina will be gone by then. God, I hope she’ll be gone.


Dad: Shut up, Katrina.

K: Oh, c’mon Uncle Curtis. I’m helping you!

Dad: You’d be helping if you would shut up & drink your tea.

K: Ja, ja, I know. Make fun of me, but I’m the one with 3% fat in me!

Dad: I’m going to have to talk to your mother. I’m sure Jen would LOVE to know how you’ve been acting. Have you been fired from your job or something?

K: No! I’m on sib-oat-tea-cool, Uncle Curtis.

I’m going to cut in because if I don’t, they will kill each other. OMG, here I go. I can’t breathe.


Later               Jr. E Class                 1:54 PM

I told them, “SHUT UP! WHY CAN’T YOU SHUT UP? GEEZ KATY, IT’S LIKE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN IN PUBLIC BEFORE!” Katy yelled at me for being a pansy in a time of need & said that I was a disgrace to Susan B. Anthony & Angelina Jolie. I got angry. She said I wasn’t going to get the part because I was acting like a “Nancy”. She said I didn’t practice enough & I wasn’t so good that I didn’t need practice.


And I sang. The song I wrote:

Don’t you believe every word you hear?

Lies always more clear

Do you want to know what you’ve?

Already got

Damn, then I’ll tell you

You’ve got a lot

C: Fire storm

Let’s hear riots

Making every tale

Who told you were

Some sort of Shakespeare

Liars torn

Between a rock and a hard place

Go behind my back

That is

where it’s at



Katy cried & clapped & hugged me. The whole of Pink Tray Diner’s customers clapped. It’s true! The Diner’s a regular for us because my mom owns it. We always go there. It’s our Central Perk! I’ve known many of the patrons since I was a kid.

Apparently everybody is proud of me now. But they shouldn’t be. Cassandra Lipe is going to kill & bury me.



12/20  2:00 PM

Danica-Aurum Hart-Singer-Johnson-Parker

Living Will & Testament

All of my money should be left to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I’d like to leave all of my clothes to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. I’d also like to donate $1,000 to cleaning up a Goodwill or Salvation Army because they are quite dirty & they smell bad & have bad lighting. Anyways, I leave all my love to my family & Parish Kirkpatrick, my boyfriend.


Danica-Aurum Dorothy-Aurora H.S.J.P.


Danica-Aurum Dorothy-Aurora Hart-Singer Johnson-Parker


Janetta, sign this please, as a witness

No, Danica. You’re not going to die

Sign it, because I’m surely nearing my end

Danica, I “said” no! And I mean it. Besides, you need a lawyer to take care of your will

Janetta Lorraine Jackson

You’re putting me in an awkward position

How? Can you just sign it? Dang

Parish made me promise I wouldn’t … what was the word? Enable you! And he said you should stop cussing. Now you have to put a dollar in the Cuss Jar

I don’t care! Who’s your BFF? Me or Parish


And besides, Parish is easily expendable


He is

You’re under the influence of a freakish depression

Sign it!




Yes, I am. Thanks, J’.



Later   2:35 PM         the Auditorium

I was crying in bathroom 15 minutes ago. But, like, 13 minutes ago my boyfriend came to talk some sense into me via Janetta. Martin later barges in & the 2 girls (Marlene and Sarah) were in there when I ran in began screaming.


M: I’m gay, so calm down. And… don’t flatter yourselves, flat butts.

Me: Martin, GET OUT! I [sob] wanna talk [sob] to Parish!

Marlene: [Whiney] yah, Martin, get out!

M: Ugh. Would you like some blue cheese?

Marlene: Um�"

Sarah: Marlene is lactose intolerant, hon.

M: It would go great with that whine! [Snap in a circle three times]

Me: Martin Lorette! [Sob]Please!

S: No, he’s so fabulous.

M: Thank you, hon! You are too… for a flat butt. And your hair is such an unidentifiable shade of blonde. Ugh your eyes are such a gorgeous cocoa�"

Me: [Roaring] MARTIN!

M: OK, lover, I’ll cover you while we get Parish. A diva never shows runny mascara.


M: OK, OK, with Erica’s help�"

Me: Get Erica out of here, Martin. Now

Erica: But… DANI! Please!

Me: [Serious without tears] Martin Alexander Lorette.

E: Please, Dani. I’m sorry!

M: Erica, will you just go. You’re making the situation worse than it has to be. She doesn’t want you around anymore.

E: But Martin… you know I’m sorry. Martin�"

Me: You’re GOING to HELL!

Marlene: This is so Beverly Hills 90210.

Sarah: You mean 90210. Like anybody watches Beverly Hills 90210 anymore.

M: Marlene, I’ll be your BFF if you escort Erica out of here.

Marlene: Excuse me?

Sarah: I’ll do it!

Me: Get Janetta & get me to Parish, ASAP!

M: You heard it here ladies, operation “Get Dani to Parish” is a-go! I feel like Saving Private Ryan!



They got me out to Par’ & he got me to the auditorium safely without anybody, especially Cassandra Lipe, seeing my running mascara & red eyes. I’m glad Parish is my boyfriend & my 2 best friends rule. Auditions are starting. That’s more of what I need. Trying to do something I can’t succeed at. Well, that usually doesn’t happen except when I’m trying a new hacking technique or when I’m practicing combat, or something. But it happens & I get mad.


Later   5:30PM          my house

Ha! I beat that witch out of the competition! Cassandra Lipe has nothing on Danica-Aurum H.S.J.P.! She looked pretty dumb up there, to be honest. We got through the acting part just fine, no problems there. And then the singing part came up.

I was sitting 5 rows back, which is really five behind Cassandra Lipe. She was only sitting up there to kiss up to Ms. Cleary, my Specialty teacher for Performing Arts. I was with Parish, Janetta, Martin, & Katy. Sarah & Marlene were sitting next to us. Marlene was really snotty & didn’t really say anything except when she was trying to prove that Sarah was her best friend. Sarah kept talking to us until it was her turn to go up.

By then I could see the vein in Ms. Cleary’s head pulsating. She was really scary, which was weird because she’s never scary! Marlene went up first. She isn’t good at all & she had the nerve to be snotty. She sang The Climb by Miley Cyrus and she didn’t even know the words. I hate Miley Cyrus and I hate Marlene so it works:

There’s Always gonna be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

There’s always gonna be another something

Sometimes you’re gonna have to lose!

Ms. C: NEXT, Sarah Wormwood.

And Sarah got up & sang beautifully:

To the left, to the left

Everything you own

Is in a box to the left

In the closet

That’s my stuff

Yes if I bought it

Please don’t touch

Keep talking that mess

That’s fine

But can you walk & talk at the same time

It’s my name that’s on that Jag

So go move your bags

Lemme call you a cab

Ms. Cleary didn’t interrupt at all. After that, most people were either terrible or OK. Nobody was great. I mean, Sarah was even better than Beyonce & considering that Beyonce sings the song that’s really weird, huh? And I LOVE Beyonce! I mean, seriously.

Finally it was Cassandra’s turn. She sang “I Can Hear The Bells” from Hairspray. It wasn’t as “hot” as she claimed it would be. She’s a brilliant singer, but… I don’t know why I was so worked up over that.

Ms. C: NEXT (after about 45 seconds in).

CL: Wait a sec; I haven’t gotten to the best part! (Continues singing)

Ms. C: I said ‘next’! Why are you still singing? Shut up & get off of my stage!


I laughed. And then I frowned. I had thought that I was worse than Cassandra Lipe was! Parish looked at me.


“If you start crying I swear to you that there will be trouble. UNDERSTAND?” I was so surprised that I looked around as if looking for who really said it. Parish couldn’t have! But he had.


“I can see that I’ve become a nuisance.” I stood & stomped past each of my supporters who had been clapping. I was really fired up. On the stage, it came out like a sandstorm or something. I was amazing. I suppose I perform better when I’m at a high emotional state. By the time I was through Ms. Cleary was crying. I gulped back my pride & anger & exhaled. Had I been that bad? NOPE!


“Brava, my love. BRAVA! Now! As I’ve made clear I will choose our female lead. But it was so amazing that I have to declare a…singing duel!” Ms. Cleary yelled in a ramble. I grinned, knowing my song.

Sarah sang Mannequin by Katy Perry & I sang And I’m Telling You from Dreamgirls. Classic and amazing, but Janetta said it was an “oldie but goody”. But let me remind you, Janetta has access to hearing a song while it’s being recorded by Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, Lady Gaga, Janette Leo, Beyonce, & Leona Lewis! I can’t wait for that song! But anyways�"I got the mother f***ing part!


Sarah was cast as my understudy & we’re all meeting at my place in 30 minutes to go out to eat. Parish came up to me as I was walking out of the auditorium. “Sorry for my comment, but… I hope this means no more crying, huh?” he smirked to show it was a joke.


“Shut up & kiss me,” I said! What has gotten into me? Ms. Cleary is taking a new approach to theater. We’re going to have a premiere, press junkies, red carpet, and the works! Money will be milking in like CRAZY!


So now my parents, Katy, & I are getting dressed up to go to a fancy Manhattan restaurant. You’d think I’d be used to it by now; it’s been like this since I was young. But I’m not. I don’t know… it is really great being able to spend money. It feels great. I must have been poor in a past life, or I might not appreciate it as much. Like those Gossip Girl characters. I must say… they are rude as jackasses.


I have thought about it when I’m waiting for my clothes to dry in the laundry machine. Being rude is so simple & easy. Not just for anyone, but everyone. Everyone is at least a tiny bit rude & it’s easy. And do you know why? They see it every day. From the 1st person, to the last, they were rude because the first people were! And if you say you’re not rude, you’re a liar! I’m rude, I know I am. Sometimes I want to say ‘I’m not rude, I’m honest’ but I know that isn’t true. I can tell because of what I’ve written in this here journal. I mean, I never used to think I was that bad… but I am. Wow, I’m, like, bipolar. I can’t believe I’m all… wacky! I’m just happy!


OK, my peeps are ready & I got a knock at the lock�"DOOR! I’m kidding. I’ll write soon.


12/20  12:30 PM       My Room

Dinner was wild. My friends’ parents came so I thought that dinner would be a little bit more appropriate. At most PG-13! Not R! I escorted all 11 people in (Parish, Janetta, Sarah, Bjork, Clarence (Bjork’s brother) and Martin plus their parental duos). Followed by Katy, who came 10 minutes late. Luckily my mother had lost her hat. I never comprehend why mother wears them but she does. And they look so foolish sometimes.


I remember Sarah Jessica Parker’s acorn hat at that Sex and the City thingy. It’s my favorite show, and she’s my all-time FAVORITE ACTRESS… but that hat was all wrong.


Sometimes my mom’s hats are that way. I remember that she had a grey & magenta one. It was a checkered pimp’s hat & it had a huge ostrich feather in it. It was from an old one that had died at my mom’s uncle’s farm in some Eastern country. Either way, she thought she looked cool, but I thought she looked like she was trying to go all “Hip-Hop: 80’s Style” on us. And it was embarrassing.


She had another hat that was a fuzzy, neon green beret. And she tried to wear it to a benefit before it mysteriously caught fire when my dad was trying to bake my mother a cake “made with only wholehearted love for the most amazing person on this planet”. Then I scoffed.


So finally Ms. Thing, a.k.a. Katy (who is trying to be so, so seductive for Clarence because he’s pretty satisfactory looking & they’re the same age) arrived & my mom decided to go without hat (pregnant people do crazy things, y’all), and we left! She had on a very Angelina preggers with Shiloh dress. However that’s not the absurd thing. We went to mom’s other restaurant, Kiorga (which is way classier than TPTD), and had dinner.

After dinner, which was just fine, we went to Vespa for drinks & dessert. My mom was heated because she wanted us to try her new lemon-lime cake at Kiorga, but she said it was my night & I should enjoy it because we would be going back to Kiorga for that cake whether I was too tired tomorrow to go try some when she went in, at 5:45 AM. I laughed & sat next to Parish. I didn’t take her seriously, & with perfect reasoning. Even she was too tired to go to Kiorga this morning.


So we went to the Hollywood Room. It wasn’t my idea, but my mom called Jinx McAdams & had her reserve that room for us. It’s a lucky thing Mom & Jinx are great friends & that nobody was using the room, otherwise, we’d be SOL!


Anyways, when we got there the adults ordered a bottle of pinot noir & the kids got milkshakes. Me & Parish both got Oreo milkshakes with extra whipped cream & an Oreo on top. Janetta got chocolate, Bjork got strawberry, & Sarah got vanilla. Martin said he was watching his figure so he ordered soft-frozen lemonade. Katy, who can’t actually be considered an adult from the way she acts, ordered a HUGE milkshake with Bailey’s & vanilla.


I could already tell that Martin & Parish’s moms couldn’t hold a drink. I’ve seen Parish’s mom drink when we go to parties at the gallery. She tries to drink 2 sips per hour. Socialite, you know that sort of thing. Anyways, she can’t stop drinking because she is a taste tester part-time. And she wants to tell everybody her opinion on the wine, because that’s so interesting! Anyways, she can’t hold a drink. Martin’s mom can’t because she is a pansy, so.


But Sarah’s mom is a right alcoholic. Kidding, but she’s this kind of chubby Irish lady. She was like, “Lady, skip the wine on me! I’d like a pint of your Irish lager, innit!” I looked at her in amazement. Most of my friends ‘rents are socialites & don’t do the whole beer scene. Sarah’s mom paints & has an art studio near their house. She has this “special spot” near the Hudson River. It doesn’t inspire her, because the Hudson is really dirty, but she loves it.

Anyways, she’s so much more… I don’t know, wacky &… honestly, womanly, than all of my other friends moms. She knows how to enjoy herself. She’s like one of those ladies on those WWII posters of the ladies showing off their non-existent muscles. I can tell I’m going to love hanging at Sarah’s house, which I’ll write more on later, because I’m spending the night there tonight.


Anyways, the adults got smashed after the 2nd bottle of pinot, so we had to leave & go dance. Janetta & Bjork kept sneaking sips of Katy’s drink & the wine. My mom just had some really weird caffeinated milk shake and she was bouncing off the walls. And I mean almost literally. She got up and started walking really fast around the table. It was hilarious.


And then Katy got them both their own. And I was shocked. She asked us if we wanted any & I nearly knocked her in the mouth. Us being Sarah, me, Parish, & Martin; Sarah is so smart and sensible. She might be able to replace Bjork, because I don’t really think anyone can replace ‘Netta. That’s hard to believe, right. Ha, ha. ROTFLMAO!


Martin was all, “Um, excuse me. I don’t drink such barbaric drinks. But I’ll accept a mojito, if you please.” I couldn’t believe it! But I could believe that Ms. Katy got the boy his mojito! Then she said, “MOJITO’S FOR EVERYBODY (except the prego, here).” And everyone cheered and clapped like jack asses.


After that I forced my mom to get me a strawberry daiquiri with only a splash of alcohol. I was very happy. I mean, how dare they drink like that? I don’t get drunk, because I have an image to keep up. I mean, my family was featured in Forbes, Good Housekeeping, and I was in Seventeen last year. If they find out I’m sipping daq’s there will be a media frenzy of upsetting proportions. Now what do you think will happen if they find out if swigging Irish Cream’s, which was what Katy was drinking. I was all, WTF, but nobody cared.

Finally we went out to the dance hall, which is all discoed up. Parish & I danced for 30 minutes to songs ranging from “Please Don’t Stop the Music” by Rihanna to “Shut Up and Let Me Go” by the Ting Tings. Then we sat down at the bar & shared an ice cream sundae. Suddenly Katy burst in through the weird disco doors.


Katy: Co-could you get moo-ah, a yummy in my tummy Irish creamy, beanie?

Bartender: Sorry, Ma’am. This is one of the ice cream bars. You’ll have to go to the Ireland room for that.

Katy: O-kidee whoa-kidee, artichoke-ily. P-S, I love you�"r hair! Heh!


And then she stumbled away. I decided to let her get a hangover to kill all others today, so I let her go. And she had to sleep here because my mom thought some cab driver would take advantage of her on her way to the W hotel. And I said she’ll probably throw up on his face & he’ll throw up on himself out of disgust & then he’ll be gross. And do you know what she had to say to that.


She said, “Shut your mouth, you little pervert” & I said, “why am I the pervert? You’re the one who said that the cabbies would take advantage of her.” And she said that I was a pervert because I was talking about throw up and I know I told her that throw up has nothing to do with sex, therefore it’s not perverse. Unless it’s, like, 2 Girls 1 Cup.


Anyway, then Ms. Bjork & Ms. Janetta were caught snogging some of the guys who work at Vespa. And when Martin & I found them they were making out on the unisex bathroom sink. And I slapped Janetta in the mouth & told her to stop being a little ho.


Janetta: I am NOT being a hoe. If I wanna kiss a smexy waiter then I will.

Me: [Slap] if you ever say something like that again, I will punch you out.

Janetta: Oh sure you will.

Waiter snogging Janetta: Uh, Janetta, I’m going to go�"

Me: No, you’re going to stay here, you nasty idiot. Why are you taking advantage of a drunk 14 year old younger than you?

WSJ: Um, I’m 16… and I wasn’t�"

Me: Ah! Shut it, you putts. I don’t care how old you are. And you were trying to take advantage of the impossibly stupid imbecile whose brain hasn’t minded the last evolution jump.

Janetta: He-he-hey! My mind has made that… [Gulp] uh, leap.

Me: Uh-huh. Yeah, whatever, either way, fruit cake, you better watch it.

Bjork: Bye, Antonio. Give me a ring-a-ding-a-ling-dong. You got my number?

Me: BJORK RENEE ANNIKA PURDAM! What will your mother think?

Bjork: That I get mine! ROTFLMAO, you know what I’m saying?

Me: Let’s go.

Martin: So un-classy. You all disgust me. [Whispers to WSB] If you know any guys that you think I’d be interested in, call me. I’m at BJ’s house the rest of the week.

WSB: Uh, OK.

Martin: You’d better�"

Me: Martin, don’t you start.

Martin: What? Me & Tony [finger motions] “the great” and I are so over. I mean, our relationship is on the rocks so bad. I mean, it’s like we’re inside of a mountain! He is such a siren. He is a drag, honey. I need a new honey bunny.


And then I dragged them all out into the hall & to the Hollywood room. And my mom looked crazy. And so did everybody. It’s lucky that we had a driver in the limo. Otherwise, we’d have some issues. Because I cannot drive & I think I may have been the only one who wasn’t drunk other than Parish & mom, we probably would have had to go in a cab or something. And, like my mom says, be taken advantage of.

So I got everybody to get into the limo so we could leave, but not without getting 2 pans of lemon bars & sugar cookies. I’m going to make a center-piece with one pan, & eat the other, HA-HA!


I have to take a shower because when I go to Sarah’s house, we’re going shopping in Times Square. It’s going to be fun. My dad’s granting my $600 more than the usual $300 to go Christmas shopping. I’ll use a good $400 on myself, if not $500.


So, you know something? I’ve figured out that no matter how hard life gets, if you just find something to hang onto, you’ll be OK. Everything will work out just fine. No matter if it’s your cat, your favorite hat, a book, or your boyfriend. If you find them worth hanging onto then you will make it. You’ll find a way. Just like I did with my family and friends, but I mean, Parish really snapped me out of my funk. Not saying that I need to depend on a guy to be happy, but… Parish was exactly what I needed.


Being depressed wasn’t going to help me to get the role of Corinne. Being depressed wasn’t helping anything or anyone and I saw a point of light at the end of a dark tunnel and focused on it to get me out. And I’m so happy that I did.


Later   2:00 PM

OK, I have an idea. I’m going over to Bjork’s house and then into the city and then coming home, so I’ll be extra busy until about 9 tonight and my mom wants us to go to worship tomorrow. Anyways, this journal is almost full. So what should I do? Should I stop writing? NO! I’ll never give this up. Not now that the real Dani is back. I’ve been fighting my way to the light too long and this journal has been such an important part of that. I never, ever want to be who I was before again. I can’t believe I lost myself! But thank God I found myself again. Love love love!

We have to go to a school assembly in our formal uniforms on Monday. 2 hours. God, that’ll be awful.








Are you ready for more dramatic Dani? Well here she comes in the next book’ Are You Ready, Here I Come! What happens when Dani goes to visit her annoying cousins in Maryland & finds out a weird secret? What will go down when she sees a boy who might just be cuter then the hot Parish Kirkpatrick? And is that the infamous Ali Carmichael & her agent Jillian Horton? What is with all of the Hollywood people doing on her side of the country & why is Marshall Courtier courting her for his new flick?

© 2010 V. Germanotta

Author's Note

V. Germanotta
Consturctive Crit. Please!! Thanks for reading

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Cool but reminds me of "Angus,thongs and perfect snogging but cooler.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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Added on January 16, 2010
Last Updated on January 16, 2010


V. Germanotta
V. Germanotta

Germantown, MD

I'm a young but serious writer. I would really love critique on my work because I want to publish it. I'm really trying to improve :D more..