The Threats Get Bitter - by Halden

RESPAWN Chronic

Actually, what I meant when I wrote the title for this chapter was 'The Threats Get Bigger.'  Instead, my pointer finger typed 'bitter,' and at first I wanted to change it until I realized that it actually made a lot of sense.

Today, when Dad came home, his face was all pasty and his eyes were glazed over.  He looked a little sick, so I decided to surprise him.

"Hey, Dad, did you know the RESPAWN can clone plants, too?" I ask him as he steps through the doorway and drops his bursting work bags on the floor with a kthump! .  

"We didn't test that yet," Dad answers me.  I notice that his voice is strained, like an invisible force is grabbing his airway and squeezing it.

"Well I did, with your prototype in the basement, and I got this..." I produce from behind my back a tiny sapling.  "It came out of a twig!" I exclaim.  I'm lying because I actually found the tiny sapling in the middle of the soccer field, and I dug it up so that nobody would trample it.

Dad suddenly lets out a huge belly laugh, and it scares me for a second.  This is because my Dad is such a skinny, tall person, and his laugh is so powerful that you'd think it came out of a guy 10 times his weight.  Like Santa Claus, of whom I've never believed in.  Also, when Dad laughs, he's normally unhappy.  

"I'm just joking," I tell him, eyes wide.  I feel my hands trembling, and I clench them really hard so that they stop.

"I know, I know," Dad squeaks amongst his nervous titters.  His voice is back to being unusually strained like it was when he first entered the house.

"I didn't really use the RESPAWN machine, I know how you tell..."

"Halden, shh!" Dad orders me.  His voice is serious now.

I don't know what I've done wrong.  I was just trying to make him laugh.  "Sorry, Dad.  I'll go back to...my room..."

Dad interrupts me again, and gets right to the point.  "Halden, you can't hang out with Adrian anymore."

Did I hear him right?  "I can't go to Adrian's house?"

Dad's pale face spontaneously turns red.  "Halden, if I see you going over there one time...one time, son..."  Seeing my blue-green eyes fill up with tears, Dad falters and then refuses to meet my gaze.  Cheeks turning pale white again, he leans backward into one of the kitchen chairs.  "Then...I don't know what I'll do."

"He's my only friend," I admit solemnly.  "Nobody else treats me like he does."

Dad's eyes pierce into my soul, and his voice becomes insistent.  "What about Derek?  Or Malia or Josh or Sara?  What about those guys?  You used to play with them all the time..."

"That was five years ago, Dad."  A tear runs down my cheek, and Dad's scratchy thumb wipes it away.  "Because I told them I died once, Derek and Josh think I'm a wimp, Malia moved to Wisconsin because she's scared of the 'Death Seekers,' she called them, and Sara has been mean ever since the train incident."

"And if there was no train incident?"

"Well, then, I'd probably have Sara, and she'd probably be the same person.  And she'd probably date me."  Not meaning to say the last part, I correct myself, "I mean, she'd probably not hate me.  Do...do we really have to talk about this right now?"

"No," Dad says, eyes revealing surprise and relief.  Slamming his hands lightly on the table, he gets up and leaves for his office in the basement.

"Wait a second, Dad.  The real question is, why can't I hang with Adrian?"

Dad sends a look my way.  Now his hands are quivering like mine do when I'm nervous, and that pasty color on his face has become impossibly paler.  When he speaks, it is as if he can barely force out a sound over a whisper.  "No, the question is, why are you not afraid of the death threats, Halden?  Why are you not afraid of the religious people who always rant on our doorstep?  Why do you act like the RESPAWN is some big joke, and why are you so damn happy all the time?"  He looks away in disgust.  "I don't get you, Halden!"

I feel my anger beginning to broil under my thin layer of sunlight.  "Yeah, but Adrian does!  And you still haven't answered my question!"

"It's Adrian's parents, Halden, they're horrible.  I'm sorry, I can't tell you anymore, but...I'm sure Adrian would understand."  With a final huff that lets me know the conversation is over, Dad tromps downstairs and disappears into the darkness.  I have a feeling he is disappointed in me for some reason, and I hate it when people are disappointed in me.  I mean, mostly I can shrug it off, but this is my dad we're talking about.  I need him to be proud of me.

The doorbell rings so fast afterword that I feel like I'm in a movie, where everything's all planned out.  I see that familiar shape through the distorted ripples in the surrounding barred windows, and I know that my best buddy waits outside.  I do the only thing that I can do.  I go to the door.  I open it.

"Whatcha' up to, Halden?" Adrian asks me in that raspy old guy voice of his.  For a ninth grader, he sure doesn't sound like one.

"Nothin' much," I answer him.  I see that one cheek is all bruised, but it doesn't bother me because he comes to my house a lot like this.

"Wanna go to the cliffs today?  I found an old kite, and I'm going to tes..."

My mouth is quivering in a line when I answer, and I feel like crying.  "Adrian, I can't play today," I whisper.  "Dad says that I can never play with you ever again."

I think I've shocked Adrian or something, because his mouth is wide open and his eyes are practically popping out of his head.  

"I'm sorry.  I want to go to the cliffs with you.  I really want to..." I insist, clearing my throat.  "Please don't be mad.  Please."

Adrian loosens up.  "I'm not mad at you," he says, but his voice is all raw.  His eyes are dark as if someone has pulled a shade over them.  "I guess this is it, little bro."  Adrian holds out a fist.  I hold out mine, and we knock knuckles.  "See ya when I see ya."

"Yep," I agree, and then shut the door.  I hate goodbyes.

I should have told Adrian to keep writing, because that's one thing that we can do together, forever.  And our document is online, which means that even if I can't see him he can see it.  

One day when people finally understand us, when it is okay for us to step out of the dark, maybe I can see Adrian again.  But I won't lose hope, won't ever ever ever lose hope.  'Cause Adrian is my buddy and I am his, and even if we never see each other for a thousand million days, he'll still be my best bud.  I could never forget him.

That night, the show is even worse than normal.  A fat guy in plaid tries to smash this skinny little drunk in stripes, and before 9:00 the fat guy has been arrested and the skinny guy has been beaten to a pulp.  No big deal, because even if he does die, we've got my dad here to RESPAWN him.  Not that a religious guy would want to RESPAWN in the first place, but hey, all I'm saying is that he has a chance.  

Tonight the religious people are also shouting and displaying on posters, "God chooses who goes to heaven and who stays on Earth!", "There is only one person who makes the decisions, and he's not you!", "He will lead us beyond death," and "Reincarnation, not RESPAWN!"  A group of young men begin throwing rocks at our house, and the sound makes it pretty hard to relax.  The rock throwing soon erupts into chaos and fighting, just like food fights do, and the police have to come yet again.  Then, at exactly 12 o'clock, the crowd dissipates and the voices fade into silence.

In the morning, there's a paper taped onto our iron door, and it says, "One Step Out Of The House And You'll Realize That RESPAWN Brings More Death Than Life."  Dad tells me this is a death threat, and that this is the reason I can't go to Adrian's house anymore.  The death threats, even though he has encountered many in the past, are beginning to hit too close to home.  

Dad has police escort him to work in those black and white cars of theirs, and I am left alone, all alone.  If I keep it up like this, hiding in a fortress-house without Adrian or anybody, I'll have the most boring life in the world.  That's if I haven't already topped the charts!  Why does it have to be this way?!?!

Reviews

[Hatter57]

Lost Writings,

I'm 50 and it's taken me a long time to find my writing voice. I'm still not 100% sure I'm there, but I do have a lot more confidence in what I produce these days than when I was your age. Which I say only so I can say this: Give yourself a little more time to practice and gain just a bit more experience, and your own voice will come shining through. I can already hear it, though it is still a bit muted at times. If you choose to follow me into the realm of self-publishing, you'll be ready long before I was.

Incidentally, I recently came across a book (you can get it pretty cheaply on Amazon.com for the Kindle reader, which will also work with the Kindle reading app you can get for free for your computer) that looks promising in terms of giving people a workable approach to self-publishing and promotion. It's called "Write. Publish. Repeat." Check it out when you're ready to consider taking that next step.

Now, about this book in particular. You've got an interesting, if tragic, premise. Just from these few chapters, I can see you've got something to say that you feel is important. That's a good thing; it makes your writing stronger. I particularly liked Hal's enumeration of the possibilities concerning how RESPAWN works. It's interesting that he favors the option of new souls inhabiting RESPAWNed bodies. As a potential new soul himself, how does he feel that puts him in relation to his actions per-RESPAWN? Is he guilty for wrongs committed in that time, or did he get a clean slate when he was brought back? Or does he even have a concept of sin, since he doesn't seem to be religious in the classical sense himself? Is his lack of religious conviction a sort of self-delusion, allowing him to ignore the questions his father's invention raise? There are so many different ways you could take this story, and while I sense you already know where you're going, perhaps these thoughts can help you add a bit of new flavoring to your story. Best of luck in all of your projects.

[A.M. Victoria (LostWritings)]

Thank you for taking the time for this the outstanding review, it will give me a lot to think about. I'll try to answer these questions in the future chapters.

As for the self-publishing option, I will keep "Write. Publish. Repeat." in mind. I appreciate the advice!