On a Paper Boat

Stand back and admire. That has always been my relationship with rain. To be fair, that has been the nature of most of my relationships. I never went out in rain. But I loved watching it. Hearing all the different types of sounds it brought along with it made me..

It was raining. There was no lightning, it was great.The week had been pretty hectic. I wanted to go out. But Riya had to grade some papers. Now,it was raining anyway. Even in a car, I didn't like to go out in rain.

The water level had risen just a bit. Not much, but enough to ensure the smooth navigation of a paper boat. Yes, a paper boat. It would be lovely to see a paper boat sailing in the great waters of my front yard. Yes, lovely. Lovely like my mother. She was the one who made all those paper boats. I didn't know how to make one. In fact, I don't know even now. But I wanted a paper boat. I wanted one. I went into the bedroom.

Riya was still working. She seemed really exhausted.I asked her to make me a paper boat. She ignored my request. I asked her again. She turned to me with a look that said, " Are you serious? " I gave her back a look that said, " Yeah." She responded with a look of " You gotta be kidding me. " I shrugged and then put on my smile. She can't resist that smile. I knew it to be a fact. Turned out that I needed to fact - check some details I believed to be true.

I returned to staring at the rain. I thought of the paper boats again. All those dreams I had when I was a child. Yeah , I dreamt of paper boats way too often. I remember the details even now. It's funny, right? Why do I remember all the details in a recurring dream? Haven't had them for a long time, a very long time.

In my dreams I would be flying. Flying on a paper boat, above the clouds. The sun would be out every time. But it was cold inside the paper boat. Me and my father, just the two of us. After some time, it would rain. Yeah, it would rain above the clouds! The boat will be weighed down by the water and we would land.

I believed all of that happened up until some time ago. Then they told me they were all dreams. I have never flown on a paper boat. Dreams. Just dreams. Incredibly detailed and memorable. But dreams all the same.

I thought of the spell book. I had completely forgotten about it! Father used it to make the paper boat fly. Wait, did that mean the spell book was not real? I had to find out. It must be in that room. If it was real, it would be in that room. Yes, it would be there.

I opened the room. There were so many of them - ' Balabhumi ' , ' Balarama ', ' Poompatta', ' Tinkle' , ' Amar Chitra Katha '. The spell book had to be somewhere in here. I began to search. I breathed in the air of the room.

I looked around. Under a pile of ' Balabhumi ' , I found it! It was real. My father was indeed a magician. That was good. That was really good.

All those days in which he came home ' drunk', he wasn't. It was all part of the facade. He was a fricking magician! A wizard if you will. He always told me he wasn't drunk even though he sure looked like it. It was probably because of the potion he had to drink to keep his powers. He didn't say all these to me. It's just my logical deduction. It has to be the truth. Otherwise why would he lie to me? To me? ! Now that I found the spell book, I could be sure. Right? I am right. I have to be.

Just when I locked the room behind me, Riya appeared before me. She had a paper boat in each hand. " Let's go out and play " , she smiled.

Sitting on the verandah, we set sail to our boats. They floated along. A kind of happiness filled my heart, a strange kind. I was happy, but wanted something more. Yes , I wanted the boats to fly. Yes, that would be perfection. I had the spell book. It must be easy enough.

I went inside to take out the book. I breathed in the smell of its middle pages. It was pretty nauseating. The pages were filled with stains. It looked like blood. I was not sure. Once when I had really seen blood stains I couldn't recognise them.

Riya came in. She told me that Josh had just called. He would be back the next day. That was good to hear. Yeah , good. But you know what would be better? Flying on paper boats. Yeah, yes...

Riya asked about the book. I told her what it was. On hearing it, she almost turned pale.

" Where did you get that ? ", she asked.

" In the room, of course. "

" Put it back, will you? "

" Why should I? I wanna make the paper boat fly. I want to fly on it. "

" No, no. You can't be doing this to us again. Mahi, listen. You can't fly on a paper boat. Remember, they were dreams. Dreams. "

She was on the verge of crying. I didn't want to make her cry. But, but, I wanted to fly. I cared for her. But, I cared for myself too. Right? Right. I wanted to fly on the paper boat. Why should she stop me?

" No they were not. Those people, they were lying. Otherwise, why should this spell book be here? You are just jealous because father only took me with him while flying. "

" Oh God. This can't be happening again. This can't be. This can't be. S**t, s**t, s**t... "

" He was a secret agent type among wizards. Everything was a show, Riya. Just to confuse the enemies. He was no drunk. He didn't even tell us to protect us. "

" How do you know all this again? "

" It's, it's, it's, it's obvious. Just look at the facts. Connect the dots. It's obvious Riya, it's obvious. "

" Just put that book down and go to sleep. For me, for me. "

" You are my sister. But I can't do everything that you tell me to do. I am a man. I am a human being. I know what I want. Nobody knows better. Anyway, this is not that big a deal. If you want,I can take you with me. "

Riya sat down on the chair with her hands covering her face. She looked really distraught. She just couldn't accept the reality. She believed those people but couldn't believe me! Why couldn't she just put some faith on me and our father? This book was gonna eliminate all my doubts. If only she had some faith. Some faith. She seemed to be mumbling. I could only catch the words ' it ' and ' away '.

" Come with me" , I told her. " Just watch. Then you will believe. You will know that they were lying. See, I too had my doubts. But this book is proof, Riya. Proof! "

She didn't budge. I went out anyway. The rain had stopped. Water level was receding. The two paper boats had sailed as far as the wall. I went through the book to find the right spell. There it was. A diagram of a paper boat with some seemingly unintelligible words under it. I recited the spell and stared at one of the boats. It would fly now. It would fly now. It should. It should.

It flew. Yes, it did. But it didn't become large. It stayed the same size and flew up without me. I tried to catch it, but couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I just sat down on the ground. Looking back, I saw that Riya was watching me. Then I started doing something I felt comfortable doing. I began to cry.

Riya came and sat beside me. Somehow, I stopped crying.

" It, it flew. It proves that he was a wizard. This spell book is real. It's real. I am not a wizard. But he was. There's no other explanation. Right? Right? Tell me I am right. Riya, Riya.... Tell me. "

" You're right. Everything is real. They were lying. I was afraid.But it doesn't matter anymore. Come. "

She took the book in her hand. She recited the spell. There was a rhythm to her utterances, a rhythm I lacked. The other boat levitated in front of us. Then she turned the page and recited another set of spells! I was a fool not to think like that.

Then the paper boat began to grow. Yes, grow. Strands of paper grew out and formed a boat large enough for a couple of persons. It began to float up. Riya jumped in.

" Come in. Jump. " She gave me her hand. I jumped in. I felt so happy. I just looked down on the floor of the boat smiling for a full minute. Then I looked up. Riya wasn't inside the paper boat!

The boat was a fair distance from the ground. I looked down. I could see her, standing in front of our house. She waved to me. She had tears in her eyes. I wondered how it was possible for me to see the tears from up here. But I did see them. I shouted to her to come back up. I didn't know if it was possible. I didn't know if she heard me. She just continued to wave at me.

I was afraid. I thought of jumping down. It would most probably kill me. I almost decided to risk it. Then I looked up for a second, at the clouds. I thought I could see something. Yes, it looked like.......

Perhaps I shouldn't jump. Yes. I wanted to go above the clouds. A rain might bring me back. Or I would stay there among the clouds. It didn't matter. No, not anymore. Perhaps it was better this way.