things you’ll never know because you left

Okay... so this is my first attempt at writing a poem online and I am totally aware that it’s probably not that great but I’m kinda proud of it (just a little bit) so...

lost.
gone.
you disappeared from my memories
forever.
you didn’t think
about what you would
miss
all you wanted was to flee.
but this escape route
came with a price
a price I know you wouldn’t pay
with open arms.

you would miss that time
when I sat with my friends
(you disconnected me from)
throwing my head back,
laughing.
laughing,
in my striped pyjamas,
laughing
until tears streamed down my face
with happiness.
in that moment,
I was made
of fairy lights.

you would miss that time
when I wore my mother’s dress,
and bordered my eyes
with thick
black kohl.
when I wore
fresh jasmine in my hair
and danced away
to our favourite song.
in that moment,
I was truly made
of stardust

you would miss that time
when my damp hair stuck to
soaked face.
when my clothes stuck
to my skin
because I was drenched.
when I created tiny paper boats
and let them float
in the muddy waters
outside my family home.
in that moment,
I was made
of firecrackers.

you would miss that time,
when I was drowned in colours.
when everything,
right down to my fingernails
were covered
in a shade of purple
that was darker than a sky
as a clock touches midnight.
when my eyelashes
glistened with tears
when I finally realised
that I was free.
in that moment
I was made
of the moon.

you would miss that time
when I finally mustered the courage
to skydive.
when my heart thumped so hard against my chest
that the noise
was heard all through the air.
when arms were spread out
by my side
acting like my wings.
in that moment,
I was made
of floating lanterns

do you regret leaving me?
do you regret never seeing me
in my happiest moments?
was not seeing me,
at my best,
a price you would have paid
with open arms?
Just for an escape route?