The Darkness

The Darkness

A Story by William Kilganon

 Around four in the morning I awoke to a strange sound. The only light coming from the street lamp outside so i go to turn on the lights. As I flip the switch the it seems that the power is out.I hear it coming from downstairs. I think to myself in half consciousness that I forgot to put the dog out but then I remember I don't own any pets. As I get downstairs I hear it again this time upstairs. "maybe a bat" I think to myself.

 I hurried back to my room and as I stepped through the doorway a quite, as ominous and chilling, as none have felt before settles over my house. It seemed to be coming from near the wall. I looked over, my eyes settling on a spot darker than the rest.

I could faintly make out a figure as it shifted slightly opening its horrid eyes and flashing me a smile, a sinful smile with fangs instead of teeth. At that point I had to laugh. That saying that eyes are the window to the soul is true and what I saw was absolute nothing.

Suddenly this thing is next to me staring into my eyes. I felt myself being pulled into an abyss as i stared back unable to look away. In a matter of seconds that seemed like a lifetime the lights blared on and I saw its true form. It is the darkness that haunts the very souls of men and the very negation of light. It is me and I warn you to be careful as I know i will lose control soon to this malicious beast.

© 2013 William Kilganon


Author's Note

William Kilganon
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Reviews

I like your concept. I think it is solid, but it could do with more developing. Try to edit your work as well because it means your audience will read your story smoothly.
This is also the trouble with first person - I have trouble with this in my book Cold as Snow - it's difficult to show the reader rather than telling them but it is crucial. Adjectives are your friend!!

"I think to myself in half consciousness that I forgot to put the dog out but then I remember I don't own any pets. As I get downstairs I hear it again this time upstairs. "maybe a bat" I think to myself."

This little section could be extremely suspenseful if you added in a few adjectives or developed the detail a little more.
I think to myself in half consciousness, "What a racket the dog is making", and then the silence is awful. I remember, then, I haven't owned a dog in years. I feel the beating of my heart, the inescapable terror as it sweeps around my stomach.... " etc, etc. Do you get that? If you added detail like this, the story would be really, really awesome.

Also the ending. I love "negation of light". I like that a lot. But i think the last sentence just needs a punch, so instead of continuing, just leave it ending like, "It is me."

Posted 10 Years Ago


Very nice. I really liked this one. Keep it up

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on June 28, 2013
Last Updated on June 28, 2013

Author

William Kilganon
William Kilganon

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About
Hey, Im Will. I am new to writers cafe and would love any feedback and appreciate all reviews on my works. more..

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A Story by William Kilganon