Part 02

Five hours later and five miles east, Ryan Gonçalves stared into his drink at an airport bar in Nashville. The bar was disgustingly new and trendy, with its former earth tones phased out in favour of post-Starbucks decor, all garish off-whites and reds and blues, and the clientele was young enough that anyone old enough to recall the first Bush administration stuck out like a sore thumb, but the Wi-Fi was good and so were his headphones. The drink itself was some lime-green fluid, exclusive to the locale, and it tasted the way Muzak sounded.
He had been in Brazil - in fact, he had been living in São Paulo, working for the local office of a social media network. But the coffee harvest had failed over the past year, from blight and climate change, the real had collapsed in value two months ago, and the riots had started a week ago. When the government had demanded they turn over their records, which included the real identities of some riot leaders, the company had pulled out of Brazil.
His phone rang. It was Mike Kelly, an old friend from college. The headphones picked up the connection and extended a microphone toward his mouth.

"So, I heard you were in town?"

He could practically hear her intense grin over the phone. She worked in a business whose precise function he still didn't quite understand, even after having it explained to him using charts. He had honestly expected it to have imploded years ago, but it had maintained itself, against all odds, and was still growing. In fact, he had sent his CV to it from the plane, as it flew over the Amazon.

"I am," he replied. "Actually, I'm still at the airport. Going to get a cab, in a moment."

"Alright, then, I'll meet you... somewhere. Later. Not sure where."

"Great. See you there, then. Send me the details?"

"Sure."

The lime-green liquid had begun to settle, forming a lump of irregular green powder at the base of the cup. He attempted to shake it, but that only signalled a mobile waiter to come to his table, a mechanical arm dropping from the ceiling with an e-paper bill.

Then she started screaming, on the other end of the line.

Reviews

[Emily]

I'm not entirely sure you need to re-assert that Gonçalves is in Nashville, given how you stated it in part 1 and that was only a few sentence ago. It's not a big deal, but it was just one of those strange things that stuck out to me when I read it.

Is post-Starbucks decor reds, whites, and blues? Because Starbucks has been around since the 70s and tends to be just what you were mentioning before, earthy tones (browns and greens and dark golds). I might just have misunderstood your meaning here.

The paragraph extending from "He could practically hear her intense grin over the phone" to "... as it flew over the Amazon" is really dense and hard to follow. Again, I might just be old and dumb and not very intuitive, but it stuck out to me.

Great ending to this section. I'm hoping you take this in a positive way, because it's how I mean it, but this feels like the beginning of a Dan Brown novel. It's got some landmarks and real locations, with zero names and some dark mysterious opening. I knew your style felt familiar, but it was the last line in this section that made me realize why.

[wolframdioxide]

The post-Starbucks decor is a reference to how many present-day establishments use earth tones, inspired by Starbucks' popularisation of them. By the time the story is set, the new trend in style is to use brighter, more contrasting, colours.

I think I'll scrap that paragraph - looking over it now, I can see what you mean.

I am going for a sort of thriller feel, so I can see what you mean. This isn't my usual style of writing - my usual style is wordier and has more digressions, but I think I prefer the clarity of this style. In fact, I think the paragraph you commented on is most like my usual style.

[Emily]

Ohhh, I totally misread that section then. Thanks for clearing that up for me. That's what I get for reviewing stories in the early early AM.

I think I should point out that I'm more harsh on stories I really like, so you should be proud. I really like this story. Keep up the good work!