Broken

Sad

I've been living like this for a while. A grey cloud over my head. I'm just a burned out, empty, teary eyed shell of what I used to be. I've been discarded like a dirty rag. I felt so full, so loved, and then I felt like my heart was torn out of my chest. They diagonosed me with depression, but even with the prison of the black and white world that the medication forces on me, the deep ache of the pain never goes away. I cry myself to sleep every night, and there are the days that suicide feels like my only option. I think

'do they love me'

'does anyone really care'

'why can't I have a guardian angel to save me from this'

But when it comes down to it, the angels we need are never there. I had my heart broken, and this beast of pain lashes at the corners of my heart like black shadowy tentacles, waiting for a single shard of doubt to enter my heart. Then I run with it, every possible situation that could happen, how I could commit suicide. My friends used to tell me that I was the one who kept them living, but why were they never there when I needed them to keep me alive.

So now I'm lying in this white hospital bed, the white walls around me, my medication on a higher dosage. I'm broken on the outside, both legs, one arm, I'm broken on the inside too, not just my heart, my ribs, my lungs are bleeding, so I'm going to die, but it doesn't matter. They proclaimed me insane already, saying I was Schzophrenic as well as depressed. Maybe that explained all the demonic hissing voices in my head, telling me to jump just because no one cared. It's not the truth, my friends tried to stop this suicide plummet, and they nearly succeeded, I held on to life just narrowly, But they didn't succeed enough, unless the heavy bleeding stops, I'll never live again.

Nothing even matters anymore. This medication is history. I was very painless, but I told them I needed more painkillers, so now I'm drifting.........

I'm almost gone, everything is fading, and for some reason, I see an

...............