A Lover's Haunting

It's now.

She walks the corridors when the moon touches the sky.

The halls cry out to the sway of her golden hair.

Doors slamming from her unexplainable force.

She enters his room, surrounds him with agony.

She whispers,

"run away with me..."

 

It's forver.

She lurks the gardens when the sun hits the sky.

The rooms turn silent, for her presence is lost.

Doors gentley opening at the brightness of day.

He rises, he's free.

He cries,

"please don't stay with me..."

 

She lays in her empty room.

Her malicious eyes staring at her bloody hands.

Watching him in her mind.

Waiting, to play with him in his dreams.

Reviews

[Lucy Joan]

Agree. I love the haunting, dark, mysterious presence and tone of the poem. It really expressed the power and mystery of the girl and the agony and pain she brings to the guy. Awesome imagery and diction. Well written!

[John Morris]

Haunting, dark and filled with chilling imagery.

("it's forver" is a spelling mistake and a couple of spelling mistakes on top of that otherwise brilliant but needs a re-write.)

Great write

Can You Hear The Silence? 22nd June 2010

[Jade (insanity)]

I really liked this piece. It was dark and filled with great imagery. It showed how much the girl must have loved him, is what it seemed to me, anyway.
Keep writing!
Jade

[Sarah]

Very dark, powerful imagery. :D There are a few distracting typos though, notably "forver" should be "forever" (i only mention this because it's in a line all it's own, which makes it all the more obvious >.>;). Otherwise, great job. :)

[Surrealstorm]

I really liked the descriptions and your use of dialogue in the poem. It makes it truly unique. There are a few spelling mistakes but other than that it's a very compelling piece. Great Write!

[K. Carver]

A touch of Poe.
Nice.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Very haunting, a Succubus that lerks and hinders, great write! ---mishel

[Sean M. Addams]

I feel the emotions running through this ... a very stunning piece... love the imagery in this piece...fav lines...She lays in her empty room.

Her malicious eyes staring at her bloody hands.

Watching him in her mind.

Waiting, to play with him in his dreams.

[Georgia Gypsy]

The darkness this shows is beautiful/fantastic. implys love, but suggests pain...so much like real life.
great work!!!