Trapped

I'm trapped 


the water is rising


I can't find a way out


will anyone help me?


there is no air 


I can't breathe, I can feel you there 


but my eyes are blinded


DONT LET ME GO... please...


the water is at the top now 


pressing me against the wall


are you still there?


I can't find you


everythings a blur


the room is spinning


I'm short of breath,


I'm sinking


suffering


ALONE....................... your gone....

Reviews

[Nyida Strong]

I don' think it "sucks". Quite the contrary, it shows an author and poet in her early stages. The sensation of drowning is so complete that we can use it as a metaphor in writing. The feelings of being alone, pressed, desperately needing air, needing help... these are things anyone can relate to and using drowning makes them all the more profound. Very well written.

N. Strong

[Anicca]

No way does this suck, its brilliant, nice use of metaphors. :)

[Dalebear]

This poem is very emotional very deep

Keep writing

Dalebear

[PaperHearts]

This was a really powerful poem. Your wording was strong, and made a real emotional impact. I liked the spacing of your lines, and thought that it reflected the whole idea of a struggle really well. There were a few mistakes in terms of grammar, but other than that, this was an awesome write. A deep and thought-provoking write. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[ashley]

i think this is amazing and hard to believe a sixth grader wrote this. i absolutely love poetry like this, the kind that traps the reader in this whirlwind of emotion and makes the reader feel exactly what you want them to. fantastic job. :D

[Helena]

I could feel the emotion panic while reading this. Excellent write. It seemed like you were experiencing a terrifying dream, brought on by some real experience. Well put together and a "nail biting" read! Good job!

[Cynthia]

That's great! Then isn't suck at all, but a very great write instead!
Very Powerful, the way you describe the pressure and the feeling under ground.
Nice Work!

[AreWeBothCrazy]

This poem is great. Its really passionate and powerful. good job

[Forever Mine]

this definetly doesnt suck... this reminds me of a love gone wrong type thing...Very nicely done.

[Ashley]

it does not suck, maybe you can edit it and say where you are tapped, like in a bathtub, in a locked door? its pretty good though and thanks for the friend request.