Chapter 4 - A master of disguise

I don’t know if I was born the way I am or if it progressed as I got older. I’m pretty sure I’ve had ADD since I was little, I’ve always been easily bored and I could never really sleep because I literally could not stop thinking. But I don’t think I was born with APD, I’ve never really felt bad for anything I’ve done but I can remember what it’s like to feel sorry for people.

I think I made the disorder more severe when I got to about eleven, around the age I started puberty. In the hospital I was currently at the kids really were not very nice to me, I’d usually be out-casted and left alone a lot.

And obviously that was a pretty s****y thing to go through at eleven years old so I started to hide my feelings and even pretend they weren’t there. I’d put up walls between me and everyone else, it got to the point where I never really knew how anyone thought or felt.

Without meaning to, I became a master of disguise.

I’m not going to lie; sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself to never stop feeling. If I had stayed in hospital to be treated for ADD I think I would have been out by the time I was nine at most. But sometimes I guess you’ve gotta accept that some things will never go back to the way they were.

Yet here I am, closed off from society because I’m apparently a danger towards them.

What a load of bollocks that is, I’m perfectly fit to be in society. I don’t know what they feel is so wrong with me, it’s not like I’m going to go all Hannibal Lecter on their asses and start munching on their fingers.

Two weeks.

Fourteen miserable days I have been here, I’ve been here long enough to know that when the clock strikes one I have to go to hell.

Well, my personal hell anyway.

As per usual, I was slouched in my chair staring at the floor as Davies and Gage continued to bounce off each other.  Davies would tell Gage he needed to calm down; Gage would tell Davies he needed to f**k off. It was pretty repetitive.

Evan was to my right and Arianna was to my left, I spotted both of them sneaking glances in my direction and they smiled sadly when I looked up at them. I found it rather confusing.

There were a couple of new faces in group today; one of them was a kid who was obviously depressed. He looked about thirteen and his eyes were literally glued to his lap, I think he introduced himself as Harrison? I’m not entirely sure.

But the one who caught my eye was the guy sat next to him; he was leaning forward in his chair with his elbows on his knees. He looked almost like he was proud to be here which I think is impossible. The dude had blonde-brown hair that was weakly spiked up into a quiff quite like mine, the kid sat next to him looked almost identical to him but in smaller form.

It wasn’t hard to tell that we had yet another pair or brothers on our hands.

“Damon, you’ll be pleased to know that you are no longer the new kid!” Davies chuckled, but I just looked at him emotionlessly. At his comment, everyone in the room turned to look at the new people; Arianna obviously swooned over the older one. Whatever, at least it stopped her trying to get below the belt every time she saw me.

Although, I am going to miss the free drinks.  

I hadn’t even noticed Davies speak again until the blonde kid spoke quietly, eyes barely leaving the floor.

“I’m Harrison…” He stuttered and the older one placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m Harrison and I’m here for depression and self-harm.”  Harrison didn’t stop stuttering but he seemed to calm a little.

“And how old are you?”  Gage snorted spitefully, I wanted to punch that arrogant piece of s**t into next week.

“He’s thirteen.” The older boy said lowly, looking directly into Gage’s eyes dangerously.

“Who the f**k are you? His messenger?” Gage narrowed his eyes and sat forwards in his chair, the stupid sod.

“No, but I really suggest you give up the tough guy act pal.” He growled, keeping direct eye contact with Gage. Man, this is one of my highlights of the week.

An awkward silence fell across the room and Colton awkwardly cleared his throat, trying to suppress laughter.  “Seeing as you’re all gawking at me, I’m Hunter Danks and I’m a sociopath.” My head shot up faster than a kid who pissed the bed, causing Hunter and I to have seriously awkward eye contact.

He smirked and tilted his head at me and I furrowed my eyebrows in return.

This may seem weird but I have never actually met another sociopath, I’ve met people with sociopathic tendencies but never another full on socio.

“What’s a sociopath?” Amelia asked innocently.

“Good question, Amelia.” Davies smiled- “A sociopath is typically a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviour.” 

“Oh, so do you think anyone else in here is a socio-thingamajig.” She shrugged questionably and Davies eyes automatically flickered to me. He knows, I thought.

“I cannot give out other people’s personal information, Amelia.” Davies raised an eyebrow at me and started writing something down on his little clipboard.

“But- a sociopath will lack empathy and have a complete disregard for others, so be careful if you ever become associated with one.” He looked at Evan and then to me, the b*****d.

He was making a sociopath sound like a reincarnation of freaking Hitler.

Eventually group was over and I decided to return to my room, Evan following as usual but he had a different look in his eye.

“Damon, I need you to answer something.” Evan exclaimed bluntly, I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turned to face him.

“Are you a sociopath?” He seemed to lose some of his confidence since I was looking at him now.

“Yes.” I shrugged and continued to rummage through my backpack for my black vans.

“Cool.” Evan whispered in amazement. I turned back around and narrowed my eyes at him.

“That’s all you have to say? Cool? Not something along the lines of, you’re a freak?”

“Why would I say that?” He replied honestly -“I mean, it’s not like you’re going to kill me or anything.”

“Don’t rock the boat, Evano.” I chuckled and I could almost hear Evan rolling his eyes behind me. I had decided to do something different; I was going to force Evan to explore the entire hospital with me.

“Come on, we’re going somewhere.” I slapped my thigh over my black jeans and stood up. I was dressed in my usual attire which consisted of black jeans, black vans, a black and white plaid shirt and a white t-shirt underneath.

“Where?”

“The emergency room, I heard they have vending machines that sell actual junk food unlike the crap here.” I rolled my sleeves up to my elbows.

“We’re not allowed to do that, Damon. Do you realize how much trouble we’d be in?” Evan gasped.

“Trouble shmouble, what’s your day worth without a story to tell?”

And that’s how I ended up wheeling Evan through the ward dressed as a doctor with him wrapped in a blanket.