It was you

playing with the lives of others can cost greatly.

The whistling Tree at Night's remorse

Splashing waves with a gentle force

The running wind at super speed 

Foolish was I, foolish indeed

The chirping Sun that sat on a cloud

swallowing thunders, crashing loud

rain covered blood from red to blue

I had no idea it was you

Silent bullet said no name

just for money, bragging fame

Laughing Gun I held in hand

Friendly corpse where my feet do stand

Blinding dreams I hung my head

Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"

How could I know in the confusing brew

A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you

Reviews

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

A hauntingly beautiful write!
Loved the eloquent flow and vivid imagery!
Dark and profound!
I absolutely loved reading this!
Kudos!

PS: I have written a few dark pieces myself. Specifically, the 4 line poems- 'Treachery' and 'Creeping Murk' are very similar to your haunting piece. Please have a look at them.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Of course I will dear, thats what we are here for, to help and be helped, I ll have a look at both in a sec. thank yo for enjoying it.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are very welcome! :D

[V]

Interesting imagery, topic. Nicely written poem though if I may to point out sth tiny: The line "I had no idea it was you" reads a tad too short (at least to my mind, it's disturbing the flow a bit) in comparison to the others. Or maybe I just read it differently than supposed to be read. Well done, anyways.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

no, you are correct, the word "idea" is the one throwing the reader off, because its an off beat syllable some people read it i-dea while others read it i-de-a, so depending on how you read it you will catch it or fall short. I did it on purpose, but if others complain then i will change the syllabus of the line

[V]

Don't change it if it's ok for you. It's your poem. It's difficult to tell sometimes how to read a poem. Reading out aloud by the author is advantageous but at times.

[CRYchiOFFICIAL]

This is so well written! I can see as the story unfolds. I love it!

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thank you much

[Coyote Poetry]

Wild mind and wild use of weapons or knifes. Lead to bad ending.
"Blinding dreams I hung my head
Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"
How could I know in the confusing brew
A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you"
Guns can't act alone. Need foolish person and action. Powerful words and thoughts left something for the reader to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[M. L. F.]

This one is deep, and pretty dark. I like how you also told a story. Good write..

[The Inner Me]

I really like this. Great expression.

[DeerInHeadlights]

this is very well written.. very good indeed. it is really difficult to keep my attention in others writing, but you held it from the get go.. good work..

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thank you and I'm glad you read all the way through, its a little different for me writing this but I'm glad its not as bad as I thought.

[DeerInHeadlights]

it is really good.. I feel.. the adrenaline of the person in the poem.

[hcarson]

i love this, you are an extremely good poet..will be reading more :) full marks

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Oh hush Carson haha its something different I'm trying. Thanks for support

[hcarson]

It's very good :)