Fumblings.

Fumblings.

A Poem by Sweet_pale_cacophony

I watch
the little boy
fumble with multiple coloured buttons of his shirt..
He smiles at me
as his cheeks crease in furrows.
Jumbled x's and y's embrace his shoelaces.
He ties himself in a superknot
challenges me to come untie him
before he could leap forth..fall flat on his face.

His breathing
falls even and slow on his rosy cheeks.
His mane flying back
keeping up with his alacrity.

His breathing falls one after another
in quick symphonies
as a flute in hands of a musician
with years of learning on his shoulders.

My breathing stammers..stutters
plays peekaboo with me.
Falls in uneven paces
My nasal passage a hammock
weighed down by days collecting on me.
My breathing.. a hunch back stumbling his way out of nasal tunnel.

Oh! how i flounder with a trillion heartbeats of mine
they stop and stare
sometimes they flare
causing tender heart veins much despair.
Only if they would come out in wholes.
Why is everything disjointed synonymous with me..
hence they come out as broken syllables..members.

While for the boy of three
he laughs and breathes with all his heart
all the petty chores come later..


 He asks me to rest my palm on his heart
count his heartbeats..
While he mouths out lub dub dub lub
they fall in such perfect proportions.
            I speculate
 how many heartbeats did i miss last night
 as i tossed and turned
on my pillow..sodden with tears.

© 2011 Sweet_pale_cacophony


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JC
this is why i believe you are so much better than you give yourself credit, there is such an openess and clarity with your thoughts, your vision, your heart, you lay down completeness, one of the hardest things to do as a writer, to write it down with such fullness, ive said it before but must keep repeating myself with each and every poem you pen,.you are amazing...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




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This may be the most beautiful thing I have ever read, dear. If not, it is definitely in my top five. This is one brilliant piece of work. One of those where if there were any more or less, it just wouldn't be the same. This is poetic perfection. I am sorry I did not find your writing sooner, because this is the kind of writing that makes me want to stay on this site. This is breathtaking. Impecable work.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A rather beautiful and poignant piece of work. The comparison of innocence with the 'fumbling' troubles of adulthood is one which I live closely beside and one which is a great inspiration to me. Perhaps it is the combination of universal experience which every human shares and the mysteries which are created by it...
"My breathing stammers..stutters
plays peekaboo with me.
Falls in uneven paces
My nasal passage a hammock
weighed down by days collecting on me."
I particularly love this passage. An excellent poem, full of feeling; the proverbial poignancy of introspection.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh my goodness. What a piece of poetry. The descriptions, so original, so emotive. It's a gorgeous and touching image you portray, in fact it's not an image, it's a living, breathing scene. Moving, poignant, beautiful.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is truly amazing and heartbreaking in the last stanza..

Posted 10 Years Ago


A picture that captures ourt imaginations, as you conjure up the words that tell thefeelings this little boy evokes.. The detail of his dress and movements brings him alive and adds verisimilitude to your struggle to breathe...a metapho for the struggle of life - that he wears with such casual ease and which hangs so heavily on us at times... A poem constructed with great care and skill...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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We are an online writing community that provides writers with the feedback, motivation, and advice needed to achieve their writing goals.The Poetic Voice Community is fast and easy to join, and you will not get lost in it's easy maneuvering features. We here at Poetic Voice also hope to grow as a community of friends. Our intention, and wish is to learn and share with others. Basically we believe an open mind, and heart can promote growth. We hope to gain an understanding that can stretch and reach around the world.

Posted 10 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
JC
this is why i believe you are so much better than you give yourself credit, there is such an openess and clarity with your thoughts, your vision, your heart, you lay down completeness, one of the hardest things to do as a writer, to write it down with such fullness, ive said it before but must keep repeating myself with each and every poem you pen,.you are amazing...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

oh, wow! my anna put me to bed one night when I was distraught about things that probably didn't matter anyway, she saved me

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sorry it took me so long to get to your page. No excuses necessary. I'm here now and boy oh boy what a wondrous place to be. This piece points out the stark contrast between the new and the old, the sick and the healthy, the parent and the child in a marvelously colorful fashion. Children are such a joy and yet they remind us of our "quickening" years and our none the younger physicality. When we are young and fresh, time passes oh so slowly, but seems to speed up as we get older. This is a beautifully written and heart felt truth that all "aging" people know well. Excellent. I am sorry I waited so long to get get here.

Posted 10 Years Ago


What a beautiful poem, what wonderful words, what superb poetry .. you not only describe that little one and what he does or doesn't but, you do it with such empathy and sweetness .. heartbreakingly worthy of reading over and over again to keep the heart ticking and feelings rising.

Thank you for sharing ..

'My breathing stammers..stutters
plays peekaboo with me.
Falls in uneven paces
My nasal passage a hammock
weighed down by days collecting on me.
My breathing.. a hunch back stumbling his way out of nasal tunnel.'

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 1, 2011
Last Updated on February 1, 2011


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